Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for March, 2007

Various and Sundry

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 7, 2007| 2 Comments »

First order of Business: Ultrasound tomorrow at 9:15. I'm hoping for good news. Dr. Amazing will be there and I think I'm going to ask him if I can take a baby aspirin every day. No, I don't have a thrombophilia, but good heavens, my migraines are out of control. Again. And the aspirin, while not a cure, ought to bring the severity down a bit. At least a teeney bit. Or maybe not at all, but I can dream, right? My hope is that we'll see a gestational sac tomorrow, but it's doubtful that there will be a visible fetal pole, so there's not a lot of information to be gained from this ultrasound, but at least it's something, right?

Second order of business… I forgot to write that the day of my first beta, I embarrassingly ran into a friend of mine at Shady Hell. She was there for her first Day 3 monitoring appointment for IUI w/injectibles cycle. I was there for a beta, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that. It's the first time I've ever run into someone I know, and this was a pretty random person that I don't see too often. She seemed pretty mortified, to be honest, which is why I say it was embarrassing. I mean, it's no secret to most of the free world that I'm a fertility patient, but I'm fairly certain she wasn't terribly keen on the world knowing about her.

I'm tired of keeping count of orders of business, so I'll just continue with an update. I thought the bleeding I'd been having had subsided entirely, but I was incorrect. I'm still spotting, particularly late in the day. This is very similar to the brief hiatuses I would have in my last pregnancy… I would go several days with only spotting that was most noticeable late in the day. Then it would come back full force for a week, and so on. Spotting/bleeding I can handle. Cramping I am less thrilled about. I do not like it one bit and I am not appreciating it. I would like it to stop now, please. This is most aggravating because I have a 40 pound three year old monster who is extraordinarily clingy. Unfortunately, picking him up is often required if I want to get anywhere or not listen to heart-breaking screams, but picking him up often causes me intense pain. If this pregnancy makes it into the second trimester, I don't know WHAT I'm going to do.

I do have a few possible-pregnancy-symptoms. I haven't had much nausea in a week or so. But I'm still really thirsty (just like last time). Yesterday I was ravenously hungry all day long. This is not normal for me at all. Typically I forget to eat until it gets to be dinner time. Most crushingly, I'm utterly exhausted all the time. Not that this is so different from the normal me, but the normal me can push through the tiredness. Pregnant me cannot. This is particularly troublesome because of the aforementioned three year old foster son.

I have a couple things I'd like to write about, but I haven't the time right now. This is a rather useless post, isn't it? Oh well.

Read Full Post »

Various and Sundry

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 7, 2007| 1 Comment »

First order of Business: Ultrasound tomorrow at 9:15. I'm hoping for good news. Dr. Amazing will be there and I think I'm going to ask him if I can take a baby aspirin every day. No, I don't have a thrombophilia, but good heavens, my migraines are out of control. Again. And the aspirin, while not a cure, ought to bring the severity down a bit. At least a teeney bit. Or maybe not at all, but I can dream, right? My hope is that we'll see a gestational sac tomorrow, but it's doubtful that there will be a visible fetal pole, so there's not a lot of information to be gained from this ultrasound, but at least it's something, right?

Second order of business… I forgot to write that the day of my first beta, I embarrassingly ran into a friend of mine at Shady Hell. She was there for her first Day 3 monitoring appointment for IUI w/injectibles cycle. I was there for a beta, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that. It's the first time I've ever run into someone I know, and this was a pretty random person that I don't see too often. She seemed pretty mortified, to be honest, which is why I say it was embarrassing. I mean, it's no secret to most of the free world that I'm a fertility patient, but I'm fairly certain she wasn't terribly keen on the world knowing about her.

I'm tired of keeping count of orders of business, so I'll just continue with an update. I thought the bleeding I'd been having had subsided entirely, but I was incorrect. I'm still spotting, particularly late in the day. This is very similar to the brief hiatuses I would have in my last pregnancy… I would go several days with only spotting that was most noticeable late in the day. Then it would come back full force for a week, and so on. Spotting/bleeding I can handle. Cramping I am less thrilled about. I do not like it one bit and I am not appreciating it. I would like it to stop now, please. This is most aggravating because I have a 40 pound three year old monster who is extraordinarily clingy. Unfortunately, picking him up is often required if I want to get anywhere or not listen to heart-breaking screams, but picking him up often causes me intense pain. If this pregnancy makes it into the second trimester, I don't know WHAT I'm going to do.

I do have a few possible-pregnancy-symptoms. I haven't had much nausea in a week or so. But I'm still really thirsty (just like last time). Yesterday I was ravenously hungry all day long. This is not normal for me at all. Typically I forget to eat until it gets to be dinner time. Most crushingly, I'm utterly exhausted all the time. Not that this is so different from the normal me, but the normal me can push through the tiredness. Pregnant me cannot. This is particularly troublesome because of the aforementioned three year old foster son.

I have a couple things I'd like to write about, but I haven't the time right now. This is a rather useless post, isn't it? Oh well.

Read Full Post »

Beta News

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 5, 2007| 8 Comments »

My nurse called at 10:10 this morning and I started a post, but accidentally closed the window before I finished it. Anyway, she’s perplexed by me, which is normal. My beta looks great. She wanted to see it around 1300 and it was 1514 today. However, my nurse is really jumpy about the bleeding, though it has abated somewhat. This is exactly what happened last time… I had heavy bleeding for a bit, which reduced to regular, but not heavy, spotting along with pretty intense cramps.

The problem, she says, is that if she goes by my LMP, that puts me at 6 1/2 weeks, but we all know that’s not really true, because I didn’t trigger until Day 20, so I’m really more at like 5 1/2 weeks. However, because she’s jumpy and nervous about the bleeding she wants me to come in on Thursday to have an ultrasound with Dr. Amazing. My other choice is to wait until Tuesday and have the ultrasound with Dr. C (Dr. Amazing will be out of town next week). The problem with having the ultrasound this week is that they probably won’t see anything. The advantages are that if there is anything grossly wrong, they might be able to figure that out on ultrasound and if I go this week, I get Dr. Amazing, which is, of course, my preference.

I told my nurse that I would defer to her opinion of whatever is best, but because I’m still having some bleeding, she wants me to come in this week. I’m cool with that. She wants me to continue to restrict my activity, which is a bit annoying, but I can live with it.

I’m actually glad that I’m not the only nervous-nelly this time. I appreciate that she’s being jumpy and recognizing why I might also be jumpy. (In fact, I think she might be slightly more jumpy than I am right now) While it’s clear that this is just what I do when I’m pregnant… it’s hard to not feel like the whole thing is like de ja vu all over again. With all the similarities so far, I have to keep reminding myself that there is no logical reason to assume that this will result in the same dramatic end as the last pregnancy. But that doesn’t keep me from feeling nervous.

Anyway, this is good news. It’s all unbelievably good news. So I’m trying not to be nervous. Hopefully I’ll have more information on Thursday. I know that my nurse said they wouldn’t be able to see anything on the ultrasound by then… but looking back on the cycle that worked… my ultrasound at 26 days post IUI clearly showed a gestational sac. Thursday will be 24 days post IUI, so maybe they’ll still be able to see SOMETHING. Or not. I may be deluding myself. Gosh. Maybe I should wait until Tuesday, so I don’t freak out if they see nothing this week. Sheesh!

Read Full Post »

Recipes

Posted in recipes on March 5, 2007| 2 Comments »

Two folks asked for recipes from this week’s shabbos menu: my broccoli kugel and apple & cranberry tart. I don’t really use a recipe for either, but I’ll tell you what I do.

Broccoli Kugel
I’m a bit embarrassed about how low-tech and low-in-culinary-value this “recipe” is, but there you have it…. I searched high and low for a good broccoli kugel recipe and I was hugely disappointed in all of them until I tried the Spice and Spirit Cookbook’s Creamy Broccoli Kugel. It’s delicious, but a bit high maintenance. I’m willing to do the work for something that is really worth it, and I did use that recipe for a long time, until I went to a friend’s house for Shabbos lunch and she served a delicious, very similar, broccoli kugel, so I asked her how she makes it. I’m very, very approximate in proportions and I really just mix it until it “looks right”, but it’s pretty hard to mess up.

Two packages frozen broccoli florets (you can use fresh, but I hate checking broccoli, so for kugel, I don’t bother)
3 Tablespoons mayonnaise
3 eggs
3 Tablespoons onion soup mix.

Cook the broccoli until it’s tender and then mash it with a potato masher. Mix in remaining ingredients. Spray a casserole dish with nonstick spray and coat with cornflake crumbs or seasoned bread crumbs (I actually prefer cornflake crumbs on the bottom and seasoned breadcrumbs on top if I’m not being completely lazy). Pour in the broccoli mixture and sprinkle cornflake crumbs or breadcrumbs over the top. Bake at whatever temperature (seriously, I do it at whatever temperature the oven is for whatever else I’m cooking… so it averages around 375) until it’s done. How do you know it’s done? Well, it “looks right” and it won’t jiggle when you shake the pan. That’s it.

Cranberry Apple Tart
I don’t always use a recipe for this, but the recipe for “cranberry-apple torte” in Kosher by Design (by Susie Fishbein, p. 215) is pretty close to what I usually do, so I’ll post that recipe.

Crust:
2 cups all purpose flour, sifted (yeah, right, I never sift it)
2 cups dark brown sugar (I use whatever kind of brown sugar I have)
1 1/2 cups oatmeal (quick-cooking of 1 minute type, according to the recipe… I use whatever I have)
1 cup melted margarine (give or take)
2 teaspoons cinnamon (seriously, does anyone measure this stuff?)

Filling:
4 Cortland Apples, peeled and cut into small chunks (I use whatever kind of apples I have and I use anywhere from 3-5 depending on how apple-y I want it to be)
1 (16 oz) can whole berry cranberry sauce (or use fresh cranberries… for me this is preferable because fresh whole cranberries aren’t sweetened… so I vary back and forth between canned and fresh depending on what I have in the house… I usually have both)
2 Tablespoons all purpose flour, sifted (yeah, right. Seriously? This woman needs to give it up on the sifting!)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. (or, you know, whatever, this isn’t “real” baking that has to be exact)
Heavily coat a 9-inch springform pan with nonstick spray; set aside (and you know, if you don’t have a springform pan, use whatever)
In a large bowl mix the crust ingredients (easiest to mix with your hands, not a spoon). Reserve 1 1/2 cups of this mixture. Press the remainder into the prepared pan and halfway up the sides of the pan with the palm of your hand. (Yeah, so, um, I don’t measure how much I’m reserving and I just press in however much it takes and have whatever is leftover leftover).

In a medium bowl, combine the filling ingredients. Mix with a spoon. Pour the apple mixture into the crust. Sprinkle the remaining crust mixture over the top. Use the back of a spoon to gently press the crust coating so that it evenly coats the top and meets the crust that is coming up the sides. This is what will enclose the filling. (Seriously, it’s easier to press down with the palm of your hands, but whatever works for you is fine)

Bake for forty minutes. (or, you know, however long it takes)

Yield: 10-12 servings. If you use a springform pan, pop the side panel off the pan before you serve it and it will be stunning, but it’s just as yummy made in a regular casserole dish as well. I alternate how I do it depending on whether S is willing to wash the springform pan (he does the shabbos dishes, bless him).

Amazing that I managed to write a whole post with no mention of my unmentionables! Will update tomorrow after I get my third beta results back .

Read Full Post »

Beta News

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 5, 2007| 5 Comments »

My nurse called at 10:10 this morning and I started a post, but accidentally closed the window before I finished it. Anyway, she's perplexed by me, which is normal. My beta looks great. She wanted to see it around 1300 and it was 1514 today. However, my nurse is really jumpy about the bleeding, though it has abated somewhat. This is exactly what happened last time… I had heavy bleeding for a bit, which reduced to regular, but not heavy, spotting along with pretty intense cramps.

The problem, she says, is that if she goes by my LMP, that puts me at 6 1/2 weeks, but we all know that's not really true, because I didn't trigger until Day 20, so I'm really more at like 5 1/2 weeks. However, because she's jumpy and nervous about the bleeding she wants me to come in on Thursday to have an ultrasound with Dr. Amazing. My other choice is to wait until Tuesday and have the ultrasound with Dr. C (Dr. Amazing will be out of town next week). The problem with having the ultrasound this week is that they probably won't see anything. The advantages are that if there is anything grossly wrong, they might be able to figure that out on ultrasound and if I go this week, I get Dr. Amazing, which is, of course, my preference.

I told my nurse that I would defer to her opinion of whatever is best, but because I'm still having some bleeding, she wants me to come in this week. I'm cool with that. She wants me to continue to restrict my activity, which is a bit annoying, but I can live with it.

I'm actually glad that I'm not the only nervous-nelly this time. I appreciate that she's being jumpy and recognizing why I might also be jumpy. (In fact, I think she might be slightly more jumpy than I am right now) While it's clear that this is just what I do when I'm pregnant… it's hard to not feel like the whole thing is like de ja vu all over again. With all the similarities so far, I have to keep reminding myself that there is no logical reason to assume that this will result in the same dramatic end as the last pregnancy. But that doesn't keep me from feeling nervous.

Anyway, this is good news. It's all unbelievably good news. So I'm trying not to be nervous. Hopefully I'll have more information on Thursday. I know that my nurse said they wouldn't be able to see anything on the ultrasound by then… but looking back on the cycle that worked… my ultrasound at 26 days post IUI clearly showed a gestational sac. Thursday will be 24 days post IUI, so maybe they'll still be able to see SOMETHING. Or not. I may be deluding myself. Gosh. Maybe I should wait until Tuesday, so I don't freak out if they see nothing this week. Sheesh!

Read Full Post »

Beta News

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 5, 2007| 5 Comments »

My nurse called at 10:10 this morning and I started a post, but accidentally closed the window before I finished it. Anyway, she's perplexed by me, which is normal. My beta looks great. She wanted to see it around 1300 and it was 1514 today. However, my nurse is really jumpy about the bleeding, though it has abated somewhat. This is exactly what happened last time… I had heavy bleeding for a bit, which reduced to regular, but not heavy, spotting along with pretty intense cramps.

The problem, she says, is that if she goes by my LMP, that puts me at 6 1/2 weeks, but we all know that's not really true, because I didn't trigger until Day 20, so I'm really more at like 5 1/2 weeks. However, because she's jumpy and nervous about the bleeding she wants me to come in on Thursday to have an ultrasound with Dr. Amazing. My other choice is to wait until Tuesday and have the ultrasound with Dr. C (Dr. Amazing will be out of town next week). The problem with having the ultrasound this week is that they probably won't see anything. The advantages are that if there is anything grossly wrong, they might be able to figure that out on ultrasound and if I go this week, I get Dr. Amazing, which is, of course, my preference.

I told my nurse that I would defer to her opinion of whatever is best, but because I'm still having some bleeding, she wants me to come in this week. I'm cool with that. She wants me to continue to restrict my activity, which is a bit annoying, but I can live with it.

I'm actually glad that I'm not the only nervous-nelly this time. I appreciate that she's being jumpy and recognizing why I might also be jumpy. (In fact, I think she might be slightly more jumpy than I am right now) While it's clear that this is just what I do when I'm pregnant… it's hard to not feel like the whole thing is like de ja vu all over again. With all the similarities so far, I have to keep reminding myself that there is no logical reason to assume that this will result in the same dramatic end as the last pregnancy. But that doesn't keep me from feeling nervous.

Anyway, this is good news. It's all unbelievably good news. So I'm trying not to be nervous. Hopefully I'll have more information on Thursday. I know that my nurse said they wouldn't be able to see anything on the ultrasound by then… but looking back on the cycle that worked… my ultrasound at 26 days post IUI clearly showed a gestational sac. Thursday will be 24 days post IUI, so maybe they'll still be able to see SOMETHING. Or not. I may be deluding myself. Gosh. Maybe I should wait until Tuesday, so I don't freak out if they see nothing this week. Sheesh!

Read Full Post »

Recipes

Posted in recipes on March 5, 2007| 2 Comments »

Two folks asked for recipes from this week's shabbos menu: my broccoli kugel and apple & cranberry tart. I don't really use a recipe for either, but I'll tell you what I do.

Broccoli Kugel
I'm a bit embarrassed about how low-tech and low-in-culinary-value this "recipe" is, but there you have it…. I searched high and low for a good broccoli kugel recipe and I was hugely disappointed in all of them until I tried the Spice and Spirit Cookbook's Creamy Broccoli Kugel. It's delicious, but a bit high maintenance. I'm willing to do the work for something that is really worth it, and I did use that recipe for a long time, until I went to a friend's house for Shabbos lunch and she served a delicious, very similar, broccoli kugel, so I asked her how she makes it. I'm very, very approximate in proportions and I really just mix it until it "looks right", but it's pretty hard to mess up.

Two packages frozen broccoli florets (you can use fresh, but I hate checking broccoli, so for kugel, I don't bother)
3 Tablespoons mayonnaise
3 eggs
3 Tablespoons onion soup mix.

Cook the broccoli until it's tender and then mash it with a potato masher. Mix in remaining ingredients. Spray a casserole dish with nonstick spray and coat with cornflake crumbs or seasoned bread crumbs (I actually prefer cornflake crumbs on the bottom and seasoned breadcrumbs on top if I'm not being completely lazy). Pour in the broccoli mixture and sprinkle cornflake crumbs or breadcrumbs over the top. Bake at whatever temperature (seriously, I do it at whatever temperature the oven is for whatever else I'm cooking… so it averages around 375) until it's done. How do you know it's done? Well, it "looks right" and it won't jiggle when you shake the pan. That's it.

Cranberry Apple Tart
I don't always use a recipe for this, but the recipe for "cranberry-apple torte" in Kosher by Design (by Susie Fishbein, p. 215) is pretty close to what I usually do, so I'll post that recipe.

Crust:
2 cups all purpose flour, sifted (yeah, right, I never sift it)
2 cups dark brown sugar (I use whatever kind of brown sugar I have)
1 1/2 cups oatmeal (quick-cooking of 1 minute type, according to the recipe… I use whatever I have)
1 cup melted margarine (give or take)
2 teaspoons cinnamon (seriously, does anyone measure this stuff?)

Filling:
4 Cortland Apples, peeled and cut into small chunks (I use whatever kind of apples I have and I use anywhere from 3-5 depending on how apple-y I want it to be)
1 (16 oz) can whole berry cranberry sauce (or use fresh cranberries… for me this is preferable because fresh whole cranberries aren't sweetened… so I vary back and forth between canned and fresh depending on what I have in the house… I usually have both)
2 Tablespoons all purpose flour, sifted (yeah, right. Seriously? This woman needs to give it up on the sifting!)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. (or, you know, whatever, this isn't "real" baking that has to be exact)
Heavily coat a 9-inch springform pan with nonstick spray; set aside (and you know, if you don't have a springform pan, use whatever)
In a large bowl mix the crust ingredients (easiest to mix with your hands, not a spoon). Reserve 1 1/2 cups of this mixture. Press the remainder into the prepared pan and halfway up the sides of the pan with the palm of your hand. (Yeah, so, um, I don't measure how much I'm reserving and I just press in however much it takes and have whatever is leftover leftover).

In a medium bowl, combine the filling ingredients. Mix with a spoon. Pour the apple mixture into the crust. Sprinkle the remaining crust mixture over the top. Use the back of a spoon to gently press the crust coating so that it evenly coats the top and meets the crust that is coming up the sides. This is what will enclose the filling. (Seriously, it's easier to press down with the palm of your hands, but whatever works for you is fine)

Bake for forty minutes. (or, you know, however long it takes)

Yield: 10-12 servings. If you use a springform pan, pop the side panel off the pan before you serve it and it will be stunning, but it's just as yummy made in a regular casserole dish as well. I alternate how I do it depending on whether S is willing to wash the springform pan (he does the shabbos dishes, bless him).

Amazing that I managed to write a whole post with no mention of my unmentionables! Will update tomorrow after I get my third beta results back .

Read Full Post »

Update and Your Comments

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment on March 4, 2007| 3 Comments »

Dinner Friday night was a success. My math was, again, incorrect, and we had 20 people. Fortunately, I cooked for an army, so while we were a little short on chicken, that was easily rectified by cutting some pieces in half. We had more than enough for the fish course, more than enough for the soup course, and we had so many side dishes that I doubt anyone noticed that there wasn’t much in the way of chicken. Fortunately, we also had plenty dessert. Not a soul left my table hungry. I wrapped my ankle in an ace bandage for an explanation of why I wasn’t being nearly as accommodating as usual. I plated everything, but others from the table did the actual serving. So it was all good.

I had horrible contraction-like pains all day yesterday, so I took it easy. Unfortunately, this means I did not make it to shul in the morning, but there’s always next time. A friend read me the megillah last night. This morning I arrived JUST in time for the megillah reading. However, I’m still glad I chose to take it easy. I really wasn’t feeling all that well yesterday, and it was good to not be running around all over the place.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts on Friday and since. On the one hand, I’m ecstatic about the brilliantly doubling beta. On the other hand, there’s just too much of this that feels like last time: The surprise pregnancy after a strange and disappointing cycle, the bleeding, the pain. As Thalia said, it seems apparent that this is what happens when I’m pregnant: I bleed. So maybe it’s normal for me. It’s certainly not unheard of. It’s just that it’s hard to believe this is going to end any diffferently than the last miserable failure. I know there is absolutely no reason to believe that it will have the same outcome and logically I don’t believe it’s likely. Emotionally, however, is an entirely different story. I’m all kinds of worried. I have, however, had a thrombophilia (clotting) panel run. Though one test came back borderline, it shouldn’t be what’s causing this particular issue, and I was otherwise in the clear. I’m still raising my eyebrows a bit, though, because the bleeding I’ve been having is almost entirely clotted. It’s gross and sorry for the TMI, but it’s quite uncomfortable and it’s a large part of what’s making me worry. Still, I’ll trust that for the short-term I’m okay. But I’ll continue to worry about the long-term.

Still, I know that no amount of worry on my part is going to change the outcome. Either I’ll stay pregnant or I won’t, and there’s nothing I can do to change that outcome at this point. Not even by restricting my activity. Which brings me to a couple of your comments… Yes, the mental health benefits of restricted activity are still worthwhile, even though I know that there isn’t (at this point) a true physical benefit. If I miscarry, I don’t want to say again, “what if I’d done something differently?” like I did last time. I knew, logically, that nothing I did caused my last miscarriage, but I still wondered at first. I also want to clarify that I’m not being negative about the reasons for restricted activity. It’s realistic that the restricted activity doesn’t have a physical benefit at this point. And I am not negating the mental health benefit that I’ll get from not pushing myself too far. I’m all for doing whatever it takes to make this go as smoothly as possible for the next several months. Really.

Yes, they will do another beta tomorrow. I don’t know if they’ll do another after that. I know they’re generally satisfied once the beta hits 1000, which it should have done today. But since I know they won’t do an ultrasound until at least another week, I’d really much prefer to have betas in the interim, so I may ask for them anyway. I hate being the paranoid freak in the office. But I also hate not having information along the way. I actually feel pretty positive about tomorrow’s beta. I don’t see any reason why it won’t have continued to rise appropriately. See? I can think positively. In the short-term, anyway. Except then I remember that literally all of my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared entirely Seriously. Unless you count bleeding and cramping as pregnancy symptoms, which for me it appears that they are.

Now I think I’m going to go crash. I was up late last night, and awakened early this morning by a three-year-old-monster. Time for some rest, I think.

Read Full Post »

Update and Your Comments

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment on March 4, 2007| 2 Comments »

Dinner Friday night was a success. My math was, again, incorrect, and we had 20 people. Fortunately, I cooked for an army, so while we were a little short on chicken, that was easily rectified by cutting some pieces in half. We had more than enough for the fish course, more than enough for the soup course, and we had so many side dishes that I doubt anyone noticed that there wasn't much in the way of chicken. Fortunately, we also had plenty dessert. Not a soul left my table hungry. I wrapped my ankle in an ace bandage for an explanation of why I wasn't being nearly as accommodating as usual. I plated everything, but others from the table did the actual serving. So it was all good.

I had horrible contraction-like pains all day yesterday, so I took it easy. Unfortunately, this means I did not make it to shul in the morning, but there's always next time. A friend read me the megillah last night. This morning I arrived JUST in time for the megillah reading. However, I'm still glad I chose to take it easy. I really wasn't feeling all that well yesterday, and it was good to not be running around all over the place.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts on Friday and since. On the one hand, I'm ecstatic about the brilliantly doubling beta. On the other hand, there's just too much of this that feels like last time: The surprise pregnancy after a strange and disappointing cycle, the bleeding, the pain. As Thalia said, it seems apparent that this is what happens when I'm pregnant: I bleed. So maybe it's normal for me. It's certainly not unheard of. It's just that it's hard to believe this is going to end any diffferently than the last miserable failure. I know there is absolutely no reason to believe that it will have the same outcome and logically I don't believe it's likely. Emotionally, however, is an entirely different story. I'm all kinds of worried. I have, however, had a thrombophilia (clotting) panel run. Though one test came back borderline, it shouldn't be what's causing this particular issue, and I was otherwise in the clear. I'm still raising my eyebrows a bit, though, because the bleeding I've been having is almost entirely clotted. It's gross and sorry for the TMI, but it's quite uncomfortable and it's a large part of what's making me worry. Still, I'll trust that for the short-term I'm okay. But I'll continue to worry about the long-term.

Still, I know that no amount of worry on my part is going to change the outcome. Either I'll stay pregnant or I won't, and there's nothing I can do to change that outcome at this point. Not even by restricting my activity. Which brings me to a couple of your comments… Yes, the mental health benefits of restricted activity are still worthwhile, even though I know that there isn't (at this point) a true physical benefit. If I miscarry, I don't want to say again, "what if I'd done something differently?" like I did last time. I knew, logically, that nothing I did caused my last miscarriage, but I still wondered at first. I also want to clarify that I'm not being negative about the reasons for restricted activity. It's realistic that the restricted activity doesn't have a physical benefit at this point. And I am not negating the mental health benefit that I'll get from not pushing myself too far. I'm all for doing whatever it takes to make this go as smoothly as possible for the next several months. Really.

Yes, they will do another beta tomorrow. I don't know if they'll do another after that. I know they're generally satisfied once the beta hits 1000, which it should have done today. But since I know they won't do an ultrasound until at least another week, I'd really much prefer to have betas in the interim, so I may ask for them anyway. I hate being the paranoid freak in the office. But I also hate not having information along the way. I actually feel pretty positive about tomorrow's beta. I don't see any reason why it won't have continued to rise appropriately. See? I can think positively. In the short-term, anyway. Except then I remember that literally all of my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared entirely Seriously. Unless you count bleeding and cramping as pregnancy symptoms, which for me it appears that they are.

Now I think I'm going to go crash. I was up late last night, and awakened early this morning by a three-year-old-monster. Time for some rest, I think.

Read Full Post »

Update and Your Comments

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment on March 4, 2007| 1 Comment »

Dinner Friday night was a success. My math was, again, incorrect, and we had 20 people. Fortunately, I cooked for an army, so while we were a little short on chicken, that was easily rectified by cutting some pieces in half. We had more than enough for the fish course, more than enough for the soup course, and we had so many side dishes that I doubt anyone noticed that there wasn't much in the way of chicken. Fortunately, we also had plenty dessert. Not a soul left my table hungry. I wrapped my ankle in an ace bandage for an explanation of why I wasn't being nearly as accommodating as usual. I plated everything, but others from the table did the actual serving. So it was all good.

I had horrible contraction-like pains all day yesterday, so I took it easy. Unfortunately, this means I did not make it to shul in the morning, but there's always next time. A friend read me the megillah last night. This morning I arrived JUST in time for the megillah reading. However, I'm still glad I chose to take it easy. I really wasn't feeling all that well yesterday, and it was good to not be running around all over the place.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts on Friday and since. On the one hand, I'm ecstatic about the brilliantly doubling beta. On the other hand, there's just too much of this that feels like last time: The surprise pregnancy after a strange and disappointing cycle, the bleeding, the pain. As Thalia said, it seems apparent that this is what happens when I'm pregnant: I bleed. So maybe it's normal for me. It's certainly not unheard of. It's just that it's hard to believe this is going to end any diffferently than the last miserable failure. I know there is absolutely no reason to believe that it will have the same outcome and logically I don't believe it's likely. Emotionally, however, is an entirely different story. I'm all kinds of worried. I have, however, had a thrombophilia (clotting) panel run. Though one test came back borderline, it shouldn't be what's causing this particular issue, and I was otherwise in the clear. I'm still raising my eyebrows a bit, though, because the bleeding I've been having is almost entirely clotted. It's gross and sorry for the TMI, but it's quite uncomfortable and it's a large part of what's making me worry. Still, I'll trust that for the short-term I'm okay. But I'll continue to worry about the long-term.

Still, I know that no amount of worry on my part is going to change the outcome. Either I'll stay pregnant or I won't, and there's nothing I can do to change that outcome at this point. Not even by restricting my activity. Which brings me to a couple of your comments… Yes, the mental health benefits of restricted activity are still worthwhile, even though I know that there isn't (at this point) a true physical benefit. If I miscarry, I don't want to say again, "what if I'd done something differently?" like I did last time. I knew, logically, that nothing I did caused my last miscarriage, but I still wondered at first. I also want to clarify that I'm not being negative about the reasons for restricted activity. It's realistic that the restricted activity doesn't have a physical benefit at this point. And I am not negating the mental health benefit that I'll get from not pushing myself too far. I'm all for doing whatever it takes to make this go as smoothly as possible for the next several months. Really.

Yes, they will do another beta tomorrow. I don't know if they'll do another after that. I know they're generally satisfied once the beta hits 1000, which it should have done today. But since I know they won't do an ultrasound until at least another week, I'd really much prefer to have betas in the interim, so I may ask for them anyway. I hate being the paranoid freak in the office. But I also hate not having information along the way. I actually feel pretty positive about tomorrow's beta. I don't see any reason why it won't have continued to rise appropriately. See? I can think positively. In the short-term, anyway. Except then I remember that literally all of my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared entirely Seriously. Unless you count bleeding and cramping as pregnancy symptoms, which for me it appears that they are.

Now I think I'm going to go crash. I was up late last night, and awakened early this morning by a three-year-old-monster. Time for some rest, I think.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »