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Archive for March, 2009

I am such a nerd that I have created a separate twitter just for IF-related updates. My twitter username for said updates is, predictably, notaclowncar, so feel free to add me there if you wish (I haven’t changed it in the sidebar, and I have the clowncar twitters protected).

Anyway, I keep wanting to tweet IF related things, but I can’t because my chezperky twitter acct. is followed by too many real life friends and links to my facebook status… so… I made a separate account.

Because I’m a nerd.

But I’m a 21st century girl and I believe in taking full advantage of the Web 2.0 culture, so there you go!

Off to bed with me.

Oh, by the way, my cleaning lady? Or, ex-cleaning lady, I should say, left me a message saying she’d still like to clean my kitchen for Pesach (at no charge to me) this week. One thing she IS very good at is turning things over for Pesach. Tempting…

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Good to Go

SuperNurse called. 

I said, “Please tell me my P4 doesn’t say anything stupid today.”

“It was 3.8, which”
“Thank G-d!”
“-which means that you ovulated.”

“Right.  ‘Cause I gotta tell you, I’ve been acting all kinds of irrationally the last few days.”

“uh huh.  And so… I’m supposed to say this is… different than usual?”

“Hey now!”

 

Yep, I love my nurse.  She rocks.

 

By the way, there still isn’t a mobile in Room One.  I have to figure out what to do about this.  My current strategy of humor and cookie withholding is clearly not working.

 

Also, I peaked in on a bunch of cyclesista blogs from the list of when my IVF#2 started… and realized that right about now?  I should have been going to transfer.  And I’m not.  I’m starting all over.  It made my heart sink a little bit, for the first time.  I hadn’t realized that I was a bit bummed about having this whole shebang get benched for a while.  Turns out?  I can’t cover *everything* up with my sarcastic wit.

 

I am wishing all of you the best of luck with your retrievals, transfers, IUIs, and two week waits.  I hope every one of you gets a positive result and that I’m the only one left standing.

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And Here We Go Again

So.

Here we are again. I have to be up in six hours to have bloodwork drawn to find out if I can start Lupron again for IVF#2 (Take 2) aka IVF 2.1 or whatever you want to call it.

So the bloodwork is simply a P4 check. To see if I ovulated. Because, you know, after all that, and after injecting my buttock with 10,000 units of hCG I just might not have ovulated, right? But I can tell you with absolute certainty that I ovulated. Why? Because I’ve been snapping at my husband for no good reason since Thursday. My saint of a husband who can literally do no wrong except for about 10 days before my period. Because I’ve been all sniffly and teary-eyed over the stupidest stuff.

Because I fired my cleaning lady 12 days before Pesach in a fit of rage at her inability to clean my house properly. Which, I should add, is nothing new. She hasn’t been actually cleaning my house for about 2 years now (she’s been working for me for four). Oh, but Friday morning she asked me for the nine-bazillionth time whether I’m pregnant yet. And I lost it. But I didn’t fire her. No sirree. Because that would be stupid. But then I came home to discover that the outside of my oven was filthy and clearly hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. So I called and fired her.

Twelve days before Passover.

Yeah. Because that’s rational, right?

So I have little doubt that tomorrow Ye Olde Fertility Clinic will call and tell me that I have most definitely ovulated and that I am set to start the evil drug (Lupron) on Wednesday. And I should expect my period on, oh, about the most stressful day in the universe (next Monday or Tuesday). You know, right before Passover.

Did I mention that I fired my cleaning lady?

Twelve days before Passover?

And right before starting IVF #2 Take 2?

Yeah. If Ye Olde Fertility Clinic even tries to suggest to me tomorrow that I have not, in fact, ovulated yet, well, let’s just say that heads will roll!

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Easy?

I never expected parenting triplets +1 to be easy.   And not so long after I had the triplets, my +1 was diagnosed with severe ADHD and dyslexia, so the not so easy pictures I had in my head became even less easy.  In fact, the picture I had in my head of the challenges of parenting triplets +1 were downright frightening.  I was petrified of what lay ahead.  I thought I would never sleep again (not entirely untrue, but I can't blame that entirely on the children…).  I thought my life was pretty much over.  I oculdn't envision ever leaving my house again, ever talking to another adult human being again.   Ever taking a deep breath again. 

Eighteen months later, as I look back…  the truth is, it hasn't been anywhere near as difficult as I expected it to be.  The early months really just weren't nearly as hard as I thought they would be.  Now, I had a horrifically bad picture in my head, so maybe it's just the comparative nature of things that make it seem easy, but honestly?  It just wasn't that hard!  I thought it was because I had easy babies, but when I read back on my journals from that time… well, I had pretty challenging times with babies who didn't want to be put down, and on-demand feeding, growth spurts, mastitis, thrush,  an apnea monitor, a failure to thrive baby, more mastitis, more thrush, more screaming babies who wouldn't be put down, two babies who took a long time to sleep through the night (one who still doesn't)… 

But… really?  It's nothing compared to what I EXPECTED!  So I really thought it was easy.  Truly.   I didn't have much help in the beginning.  Until I went back to work, I didn't have a nanny.  And we made it work and continually amazed each other at how things just fell into place day after day.  Something that HOM parents do is just make things work.  That's how we survive. 

Yesterday, though, yesterday was tougher.  Sam was reacting to the vaccines he'd been given the day before.  He's always the one that reacts to the vaccines.  He had a fever, and he was completely miserable when I got home from work.  I gave him Ibuprofen and held him for a long time while he cried and snuggled.  Finally, I put him down in his crib to sleep for a while, even though it was super early.  This worked until the ibuprofen took his fever down enough that he woke up ready for action.  Meanwhile, the girls were feeling just fine and were into everything.  But Mommy was tired!  I took Sam out of his crib and went into the kitchen to figure out dinner for myself because I had a program to go to for my multiples club that night. 

Though Sam was feeling better, he was still super-clingy and fussy and wouldn't let me put him down. 

Except in the kitchen.

But of course, if he was in the kitchen, the girls wanted to be in the kitchen.  (Do I need to mention that our fearless protagonist – me – already had a pounding headache at the start of this narrative?  No, I didn't think I needed to mention that…)  And then I realized I needed to ask my client a question I hadn't been able to ask while in the office, so since the kids were all quietly amusing themselves by dumping out popcorn and tunafish cans from the cabinets, I thought I was safe.  But, of course, once I got on the phone, Abby wanted Ellie's tuna can, and Sam wanted the broom (which he couldn't reach) and all hell broke loose.  Scream-fest in my kitchen.  Then they started dumping out the other cabinets.  And this one wanted that measuring cup and that one wanted the other one's bowl.  And he wanted the tupperware on his head, but when it got stuck, the screaming got louder.  Then he whirled around and hit both of his sisters with the broom handle.  Accidentally, of course.  And more screaming ensued.

Getting out of the kitchen became my Prime Directive.  But they were having None of That.  No Way, Mommy.  The kitchen, while full of hazards, is way too fun!

Soon I called Michelle, who has nearly-three-year-old triplets:

"You know?  This parenting triplets thing?  It's not so easy!"
"Finally figuring that out, are you?"
"Well it was easy until today!"
"It could be worse!  You could have had a day like mine!"

Great.  You mean it doesn't get easier in a year and a half?  Faaaabulous.

I twittered away my frustration, which updated my Facebook status.  "This parenting triplets thing isn't so easy!" I said (or something like that).  Later I clarified that in fact, it's not so much the triplets thing that's challenging, but the toddler thing that's challenging.  Tripled. 

And then?  Someone commented and said, "You could give them away. They're still young, they'll forget you. ;("

*Gasp*

And now I remember why it is that I don't blog so often anymore.  Because people just don't take my posts for what they really are … a tiny little snapshot of my life.  A little sliver of my reality, but never, ever, a real look at the whole thing.  That moment in time was not easy.  And I know that by saying it out loud I opened myself up to people thinking that I meant that parenting in general is hard.  And I know that person was joking.  But… seriously?  Who says such a horrible thing?  It just sliced right through me.  I literally had the breath knocked out of me when I read that.

I wonder, sometimes, what people must think of me… because I don't try to sugarcoat things in my blog.  I write about when I'm frustrated, just as much as I write about when I'm joyful.  If I didn't, this would be a disingenuous account of life as a mom of four (so far).  But maybe by doing so… maybe I give the wrong impression.  Because you should know… I'm always joyful.  I am always joyful to be the mother to these four miracles.  They are so amazing.

More to come soon…  the trio turned 18 months and had their 18 mo. check up this week, so I've got stats to come.  Haven't taken any recent pictures, but I'm sure I can figure that out soon enough!

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  • Trigger shot tonight.
  • Bloodwork in a week to check my P4 (you know, to make sure I actually DID ovulate. Because with 10,000 units of hCG in my system, you know, I might not. Because this is ME!).
  • Start Lupron April 1 (April Fool’s, anyone?)
  • Expect period… oh, around April 6th or 7th.
  • Probably return for Lupron Evaluation around April 8th.

Er, at least we think.

What doesn’t jive is that SuperDoc had said something about there being three weeks involved somewhere. But my nurse doesn’t have any idea what he’s talking about. So for the moment, she’s going with the theory that I’m starting Lupron April 1 (this part we’re clear on) and then waiting for my period and doing a new LE and getting this show on the road.

Um, except Passover starts the night of April 8th. So… starting stims April 8th? Not the best timing…

Frick.

And now I need a new label… do I call this upcoming cycle IVF#2 again since well, IVF#2 never actually came to fruition? Do I call it IVF#2.5 since it’s not quite exactly the first time I started out trying that cycle? Do I call it IVF#3 which seems disingenuous since I never made it to the IVF part of IVF#2? Help!

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Not to be confused with “Closer to Fine”.

My lining, she is not wafer thin – she is 10.1mm and I have a lovely 18.6 follicle. Or maybe it’s a cyst. But it’s probably a beautiful follicle. We’ll see what my estrogen is, but either way, it probably means triggering tonight and starting Lupron again in 9 days.

Dr. C. was covering monitoring today. I told him that the last time I saw him was when he was standing there, mouth agape while M (sonographer extraordinaire) was telling me there were three in there. “Oh my, was I the one who gave you that news?” Yep. Well, no. It was actually M. But yeah. He was the doc that day. And actually, I’ve seen him since, but I think only in passing. We had a lovely little chat and I showed off pictures of my kids.

And, of course, I delivered sour cream chocolate chip poundcake. Because I rock.

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Well, my E2 level didn’t go up as expected, which probably means those two gorgeous follicles aren’t as gorgeous as they look. Typical for me. Whatever.

My E2 level was 98.3 (down 0.7 from Tuesday, but essentially that means it’s stabilized, not that it’s gone anywhere). My P4 level was 0.75. So I’m not gearing to ovulate any second as SuperDoc had feared, and I get to stay on the Lupron through the weekend and return on Monday (Lucky Me!!). The likelihood is still that I will ultimately end up cancelling this cycle, but I guess we have to give it the old college try, right?

Of course, right.

Anonymous asked if I could try the old fashioned way since I’ve got those two follicles hanging out – there are a couple answers to that question:

1. The first is, the two follicles are both on the left side, which was the tube that was blocked in my last HSG. Assuming that wasn’t a fluke – that would preclude them being useful.
2. Assuming the blocked tube WAS a fluke, I’m not doing anything at this point that involves two follicles on purpose. If you think I’m being extreme, that’s fine, but I’m dead serious. I am petrified of ending up with twins – my perinatologist scared the crap out of me in December when I saw him and he made it clear that a twin pregnancy is not an option for me.

Tagging along with that question, Anonymous asked if, in light of this development, whether it would make sense for me to try on my own for the next cycle and see if I ovulate all on my lonesome. A few thoughts:

1. If anovulation alone were my sole problem, sure, maybe. But it’s not.
2. If I were uninsured and needed time to pull together money for a cycle, sure. But this cycle is already paid for. My portion of this cycle has already been paid for, it’s just being deferred until whenever we DO get started, so the money has already been set aside.
3. I ovulated every single month from the time my HOMs were 6 weeks old until they were about a year old. Then I started spreading out to about every 6 weeks. I used no birth control. I even did my best to, um, make the best of our… timing. I did not get pregnant in that entire time.
4. If there were something inherently healthier about getting pregnant spontaneously vs. via IVF, then sure, maybe there would be some advantage to waiting another month just to see. But aside from slightly lower birth weights in IVF babies (even singletons), there doesn’t appear to be any inherent health differences in IVF babies vs. spontaneously conceived babies. So why wait?
5. If I *am* ovulating on my own, I can just as easily TTC spontaneously later, after I don’t have insurance covering my cycles, as I can right now. So what’s the difference?
6. What SuperDoc implied to me was that it is, oddly enough, the Lupron itself responsible for my response so far. His words were that sometimes in women you get the opposite reaction to the Lupron than what you’re hoping to achieve. Note, I’m not so sure about this one, because, honestly? I sort of started tuning him out right around the time that he started making fun of me for always being opposite girl.

Anywhozit, it’s just more fun for me. A girl’s gotta get her Lupron fix somehow, right?

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