I never expected parenting triplets +1 to be easy. And not so long after I had the triplets, my +1 was diagnosed with severe ADHD and dyslexia, so the not so easy pictures I had in my head became even less easy. In fact, the picture I had in my head of the challenges of parenting triplets +1 were downright frightening. I was petrified of what lay ahead. I thought I would never sleep again (not entirely untrue, but I can't blame that entirely on the children…). I thought my life was pretty much over. I oculdn't envision ever leaving my house again, ever talking to another adult human being again. Ever taking a deep breath again.
Eighteen months later, as I look back… the truth is, it hasn't been anywhere near as difficult as I expected it to be. The early months really just weren't nearly as hard as I thought they would be. Now, I had a horrifically bad picture in my head, so maybe it's just the comparative nature of things that make it seem easy, but honestly? It just wasn't that hard! I thought it was because I had easy babies, but when I read back on my journals from that time… well, I had pretty challenging times with babies who didn't want to be put down, and on-demand feeding, growth spurts, mastitis, thrush, an apnea monitor, a failure to thrive baby, more mastitis, more thrush, more screaming babies who wouldn't be put down, two babies who took a long time to sleep through the night (one who still doesn't)…
But… really? It's nothing compared to what I EXPECTED! So I really thought it was easy. Truly. I didn't have much help in the beginning. Until I went back to work, I didn't have a nanny. And we made it work and continually amazed each other at how things just fell into place day after day. Something that HOM parents do is just make things work. That's how we survive.
Yesterday, though, yesterday was tougher. Sam was reacting to the vaccines he'd been given the day before. He's always the one that reacts to the vaccines. He had a fever, and he was completely miserable when I got home from work. I gave him Ibuprofen and held him for a long time while he cried and snuggled. Finally, I put him down in his crib to sleep for a while, even though it was super early. This worked until the ibuprofen took his fever down enough that he woke up ready for action. Meanwhile, the girls were feeling just fine and were into everything. But Mommy was tired! I took Sam out of his crib and went into the kitchen to figure out dinner for myself because I had a program to go to for my multiples club that night.
Though Sam was feeling better, he was still super-clingy and fussy and wouldn't let me put him down.
Except in the kitchen.
But of course, if he was in the kitchen, the girls wanted to be in the kitchen. (Do I need to mention that our fearless protagonist – me – already had a pounding headache at the start of this narrative? No, I didn't think I needed to mention that…) And then I realized I needed to ask my client a question I hadn't been able to ask while in the office, so since the kids were all quietly amusing themselves by dumping out popcorn and tunafish cans from the cabinets, I thought I was safe. But, of course, once I got on the phone, Abby wanted Ellie's tuna can, and Sam wanted the broom (which he couldn't reach) and all hell broke loose. Scream-fest in my kitchen. Then they started dumping out the other cabinets. And this one wanted that measuring cup and that one wanted the other one's bowl. And he wanted the tupperware on his head, but when it got stuck, the screaming got louder. Then he whirled around and hit both of his sisters with the broom handle. Accidentally, of course. And more screaming ensued.
Getting out of the kitchen became my Prime Directive. But they were having None of That. No Way, Mommy. The kitchen, while full of hazards, is way too fun!
Soon I called Michelle, who has nearly-three-year-old triplets:
"You know? This parenting triplets thing? It's not so easy!"
"Finally figuring that out, are you?"
"Well it was easy until today!"
"It could be worse! You could have had a day like mine!"
Great. You mean it doesn't get easier in a year and a half? Faaaabulous.
I twittered away my frustration, which updated my Facebook status. "This parenting triplets thing isn't so easy!" I said (or something like that). Later I clarified that in fact, it's not so much the triplets thing that's challenging, but the toddler thing that's challenging. Tripled.
And then? Someone commented and said, "You could give them away. They're still young, they'll forget you. ;("
*Gasp*
And now I remember why it is that I don't blog so often anymore. Because people just don't take my posts for what they really are … a tiny little snapshot of my life. A little sliver of my reality, but never, ever, a real look at the whole thing. That moment in time was not easy. And I know that by saying it out loud I opened myself up to people thinking that I meant that parenting in general is hard. And I know that person was joking. But… seriously? Who says such a horrible thing? It just sliced right through me. I literally had the breath knocked out of me when I read that.
I wonder, sometimes, what people must think of me… because I don't try to sugarcoat things in my blog. I write about when I'm frustrated, just as much as I write about when I'm joyful. If I didn't, this would be a disingenuous account of life as a mom of four (so far). But maybe by doing so… maybe I give the wrong impression. Because you should know… I'm always joyful. I am always joyful to be the mother to these four miracles. They are so amazing.
More to come soon… the trio turned 18 months and had their 18 mo. check up this week, so I've got stats to come. Haven't taken any recent pictures, but I'm sure I can figure that out soon enough!
ChezPerky 
You know… I love reading your blog because you don’t sugar coat. And no matter what, I still maintain my belief in you are supermama. Even supermama is allowed to have less-easy days!!
As for the person who wrote that inane comment? That’s just weird! Who would say that? Who would take the idea that you are having a not-so-easy day and equate that to you not wanting your guys and gals around at all, ever? Even if the commenter just meant it as a joke…. not funny.
I hope today is better.
joking? but that was so mean. and not funny. *sigh*
you seem to be such a loving, talented mommy. i love reading your blog, and i promise to not be a judgy mcjudgerson. *hugs*
Give them away? WTF?
You are supermama like Ms. C said. You really are. I really don’t know how you do it all.
That comment took my breath away too. When I saw it on FB, I worried about the effect it would have on you. I understand it was a joke, but…I don’t know…it’s just not funny. It’s such a horrible, panic-inducing thought that it’s just one of those things that you simply can’t joke about. I wondered if the person who wrote it was a parent. I figured maybe someone who isn’t wouldn’t be able to understand, you know?
Seriously? Who in the world would say something like that? I’m horrified for you that you had to read that, and horrified as an adoptive mom that someone would say that. Not even remotely funny. The only word that keeps coming into my mind is “appalled”.
Somebody SAID that? Not cool.
The toddler this is damn near impossible some days, and I only have one. I can’t imagine three toddlers. You’re my hero.
I have come to discover – at 28 months in that this triplet thing just gets harder. I really thought the first year would be the worst – I really did. I mean 3 babies who can’t move and scream a lot – that was bad. But now they know who I am and the fighting and the screaming. It’s bad and it keeps getting worse.
But no I wouldn’t give them away or trade this for the world – good days and bad – some people are weird. I actually had someone ask me before they were born if I would consider splitting them up for a few months and letting other people care for them for a while. What?!!
At first I was laughing because we live your kitchen scene every day. Then as I read I stopped smiling because you’re right; people don’t get the snapshot. It’s why I hesitated to start blogging and why I occasionally think about stopping. I understand…but want you to keep going because it’s refreshing to have a fellow triplet +1 mom NOT sugarcoat. Thank you.
Okay, that was just a really *stupid* comment that person made… no offense to the person who said it but, really… think before you speak/write!
I think that you are *fabulous*. You really are quite admirable. I love how you don’t sugarcoat things. That being said, your joy & absolute adoration of your four kiddos comes through in each post. As always, thanks for sharing your journey!!! :o)
i love you and i love your blog BECAUSE you don’t sugar coat it. i know you love your miracles and that they are precious to you in every way! seriously. who SAYS something like that???!!! moron. keep blogging, friend!!
I can’t see giving them away, but renting them out might work…
I’ve often thought that I could rent out my kids to people who are considering having another (talk about population control!) or people whose parents visit once a year and really want grandchildren. I’d rent them the same kid or two each year, and throw in some pictures and maybe even videos to send back once in a while…
I even know a few women who really miss their grandchildren who live abroad, and I’ve offered my children’s services (for a modest fee, of course 😉 )
people can be real idiots. i love that you don’t sugarcoat things and i hope you don’t censor yourself in the future because of a few morons out there.
I saw that comment on FB … and my heart sank! I didnt say anything, but I remember thinking who could be so cruel. I’m sorry, but know you are above that! Keep being yourself and speak your mind, this is why we blog!
Unless you are a MOM to toddlers, you just don’t get it. Toddlers are hard and the guy who commented was clueless.
I have one suggestion. Cabinet locks. My kitchen has never been gated off, but they can’t get in to anything. That probably doesn’t make me the most fun mom, but oh well. They’ve been known to swarm like vultures when the pantry or laundry room doors open to get to the contaband but at least I have control over when they get opened. They still fight over the 5000 toys we have but my kitchen stuff is safe.
I’m surprised you don’t complain more often. I’m continually surprised by that. And I still wouldn’t get the impression you were ready to give them away… jokes like that can be dangerous things…
Bea
You are amazing and I love your honesty.
The thing is…IT IS HARD. I love my trio but IT IS HARD SOMETIMES. You’re doing a great job! Much love to you sister!
I prefer no sugarcoating – this is supposed to be real and therapeutic for you, and if you sugarcoat it, it just won’t be either of those things. People are weird. Ignore them.
Oh we all know about the hard times and we all blog about them. And we all know it is just a little part of the whole experience. Happy 18 months – mine 2 off course also just turned 18 months old.
Karen,
I loved this post its real!!!! And I am a very sarcastic person and often JOKE about my boys going to good homes…. but seriously no one would mean that litterally, well I hope NOT!!!!! Blog away to heck with the buggers! Oh would love to see you on facebook, Leonie Ripper Australia network if you are up for it…… GOODLUCK……
Oh my. I somehow missed that comment. I am sure the writer thought nothing of it but a joke (at least I would hope!!!) I think any parent that has raised toddlers would understand the problems with raising 3 at one time. I think you manage parenting your children just perfectly. You inspire me to keep going…
I thinking parenting in general is hard no matter if you have one or 4 like you.
Like everyone else before me I am going to say that is a horrid thing to say even in jest! What makes it extra horrid for me is that my sister said that about my niece a lot until she was about 2 years old give or take a bit (that sister has major issues and is not mother material which is why my family is raising Niecey), and she was absolutely not joking and quoted a bunch of people who told her that after listening to her complain. I am so glad that the entire time over which this occurred my niece was safely at home with us, we were NOT giving her up! I just cannot comprehend someone saying that jokingly to anyone, especially someone who worked so hard to have those babies and who you can tell loves them more than anything, that is just messed up. You are a loving mother and even when you are upset and not sugar coating that shines through every post.