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Archive for March, 2008

Hey, did you know we've got three babies? Wowie!

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One year ago tomorrow, I saw (and heard) three tiny heartbeats fluttering inside my belly. I was terrified and shocked. I had been ASSURED that there was no way I would have triplets. At no time did it look like all three babies would actually make it. And then those three heartbeats appeared and Dr. L's first words were, "Okay, so I'd like you to talk to someone about something called 'selective reduction' which I think will give you the best possible result. It will be the safest thing for you and the babies. We're looking for you to have, at most, a healthy twin pregnancy."

I fretted that some day my children would learn that I really DID consider reduction. I received so much pressure from a lot of doctors to reduce that pregnancy. And for some very good reasons… I'm five foot nothing, I have a history of stroke, a history of late miscarriage, my mother had 8 miscarriages that she knows of, and a number of other pretty serious risk factors without adding in the triplet factor. But I think even while I was rationalizing with myself all the reasons why it was okay to consider the possibility of reducing… I think I knew I'd never do it. I think I knew I could only consider it as an academic possibility, but I could never commit to it emotionally. Because from the instant I saw those three flickering heartbeats, I knew I had three babies growing inside me.

And six months ago, today, those three amazing wonderful babies were born. And I'm crying just thinking about it, because I'm a big blubbery mess about it, even now. I can't believe this amazing gift I was given after so many years of praying for children, and now I have them.

I've seen so much loss in the triplet world lately, and it hits me hard every time. I cannot imagine losing ANY of my four children. I cannot imagine if my trio weren't a trio anymore. I would feel like there was a giant piece of myself missing. I feel that way every day that I'm at work away from them, actually, cheesy as it sounds. It's like a piece of me is missing all day, until I get home and they smile at me and my world is whole again.

I recently participated in a market research interview on infertility and the interviewer clearly hadn't experienced infertility and didn't know a lot of people who had and I was trying to explain to her something about infertility and the emotional side of it and I said to her: "The arms of an infertile woman are heavy with the emptiness of the babies who should be in those arms." My arms are heavy with babies in them now, and I cry tears of joy at the gifts I've been given. I shed tears for the losses of others for the horrors they have suffered. And I still mourn the years of emptiness behind me.

Six months have passed since my babies were born. A year has passed since their heartbeats were first visible to me. Five and a half years have passed since the day I started trying to have children. Each of those periods is an eternity. And the best is yet to come.

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Quick Notes

  • Jody Reminded me that I am in danger of never writing that birth story. Have no fear. It is half written and is saved as a draft in my blogger drafts. It has not been forgotten about. I figure I’m probably the only one left who’s interested in reading it anyway, but I’m still writing it.
  • I think we’re on to Baby #2 with ear infection(s). Ellie was super-fussy all day yesterday (VERY unlike her). I brought her down to a friend of mine who is a pediatrician to take a looksee. She couldn’t see much because there was wax in the way and she didn’t want to risk trying to clean it out. From what she COULD see, it looked pinkish red, which suggested some inflammation, so there was probably at least a mild infection. Yippee. I’m taking her in to be seen this morning. Because I didn’t ever want to get a FULL day in at work anyway, RIGHT?
  • Sam is having a really hard time sleeping at night. I wouldn’t mind except that this means I’m having a really hard time sleeping at night. Sigh.
  • The triplets have their six month check up on Wednesday. This is blowing my mind.
  • Jess is in Puerto Rico. While I’m very happy for her, I miss her terribly and I’m very selfish and I WANT HER BACK NOW.
  • I’m missing having tiny babies, which is ridiculous.
  • I still mourn not having a normal delivery which is even stupider, since I have three beautiful healthy(ish) babies.
  • Abby slept through the night last night. She rocks. Ellie did too, but she always does.
  • I have a meeting to get to in three minutes so that’s all for now.

    UPDATE: Ellie doesn’t have an ear infection, thankfully, but probably does have a viral infection of some kind which basically means we do nothing. Fine with me, just wanted to make sure I didn’t need to do anything to make her more comfortable.

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Quick Notes

  • Jody Reminded me that I am in danger of never writing that birth story. Have no fear. It is half written and is saved as a draft in my blogger drafts. It has not been forgotten about. I figure I'm probably the only one left who's interested in reading it anyway, but I'm still writing it.
  • I think we're on to Baby #2 with ear infection(s). Ellie was super-fussy all day yesterday (VERY unlike her). I brought her down to a friend of mine who is a pediatrician to take a looksee. She couldn't see much because there was wax in the way and she didn't want to risk trying to clean it out. From what she COULD see, it looked pinkish red, which suggested some inflammation, so there was probably at least a mild infection. Yippee. I'm taking her in to be seen this morning. Because I didn't ever want to get a FULL day in at work anyway, RIGHT?
  • Sam is having a really hard time sleeping at night. I wouldn't mind except that this means I'm having a really hard time sleeping at night. Sigh.
  • The triplets have their six month check up on Wednesday. This is blowing my mind.
  • Jess is in Puerto Rico. While I'm very happy for her, I miss her terribly and I'm very selfish and I WANT HER BACK NOW.
  • I'm missing having tiny babies, which is ridiculous.
  • I still mourn not having a normal delivery which is even stupider, since I have three beautiful healthy(ish) babies.
  • Abby slept through the night last night. She rocks. Ellie did too, but she always does.
  • I have a meeting to get to in three minutes so that's all for now.

    UPDATE: Ellie doesn't have an ear infection, thankfully, but probably does have a viral infection of some kind which basically means we do nothing. Fine with me, just wanted to make sure I didn't need to do anything to make her more comfortable.

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Wednesday night, right on cue, Sam started screaming, as per usual. Seth brought him to me, good husband and father that he is, to be fed, but Sam was having none of that. What? MY son wasn’t eating? MY son refusing to nurse? He was flailing around, and desperate, and clearly hungry and he would try to eat, but then would burst out screaming, poor thing. It was the middle of the night, so I knew I had plenty of milk, so that wasn’t the problem. Although laying down normally isn’t an issue, I tried sitting up with him, but that didn’t work either. I tried the other side. I tried another position. Nothing helped. He tried on and off to eat for three hours. My poor baby…so unlike him. I’ve almost never known Sam to refuse to eat, especially when he was so obviously hungry!

Finally, exhausted, he cried himself to sleep in my arms. Good timing, too, because it was time to feed Ellie. We put him back in the crib and I fed Ellie, who had no problems eating (so obviously my milk wasn’t the problem, thank heavens). Eventually, I got up and got ready for the day. When Nanny Extraordinaire arrived for the day, she got the babies ready for bathtime and she started with Sam, who loves the bath. And, sure enough, he got in the bath and giggled and giggled.

Until, that is, she tried to clean around his ears, and then he started to scream bloody murder! Amazingly, as soon as she stopped touching around his ears, he stopped screaming, but if she started again, he started screaming again. Coincidence? I think not!

Something like 90% of children will have an ear infection by age 2. J, at age 4, has never had an ear infection. So I don’t know WHAT to do with an ear infection! So, despite having just missed a day of work due to being sick, and despite the fact that I still felt crappy and was likely to miss most of the rest of of the day anyway, I realized that I should probably at least CALL the pediatrician’s office and let them decide whether Sam should be seen. I figured they’d say to just keep an eye on it for a day or two, but to my surprise, they said to bring him in. I conferred with Jess who confirmed my theory that it was unlikely that they would treat it, even if it turned out that Sam DID have an ear infection, but she said that the doctor’s office still likes to see what’s going on so that they’ve got a baseline in case it doesn’t clear up on its own. This made sense to me, so I made arrangements to take him in.

Of course, when I GOT to the office, Sam was all smiles and giggles, the little rat. I saw Dr. F (Dr. B wasn’t available, and I love Dr. F, so it’s all good). He came into the room and I said, “Wouldn’t you know it, Sam’s all smiley now!”
“Well, that makes things easy for me! Makes you look like a fool, but it’s all good for me,” he joked back at me. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

Dr. F even tugged on his ears with no response other than giggles from Sam. It was infuriating! (I mean, I’m all for Sam not having any problem at all! But could he PLEASE not make me look like the over-reactive first-time mom? I mean… all three triplets had their FIRST COLD last week and I was SO PROUD of myself for not completely freaking out and calling the pediatrician’s office immediately! Actually, Dr. F said he was proud of me for that, too…he said he would have called! Hah!) So anyway, he tried to look in Sam’s ear, but couldn’t see anything, so he disappeared to get a funky looking tool to help clean out the gunk from the ear. While he was gone, I lightly brushed against Sam’s ear and Sam screamed bloody murder and it took several minutes to calm him down! Gah!

Well, to make a long story short (too late, I know!), Sam probably DOES have an ear infection and probably perforated his ear drum. It’s only “probably” because with all the pus between the ear canal and the ear drum, Dr. F couldn’t see down to the ear drum. Yum! In light of the likely perforation, they ARE treating the infection with antibiotics, even though under normal circumstances, they’d leave it alone. Fortunately, Sam LIKES the amoxicillin (it’s really a good thing J never gets sick because he won’t take medicine of any kind and never has). And last night, miracle or miracles: he only woke up to eat ONCE.

Other Milestones!

  • Ellie is almost 11 pounds. She still carries the diagnosis “Failure to Thrive” and can’t seem to take in enough feedings to eliminate the calorie fortification. She’s still well below where she should be on the growth chart, but at least she’s finally moving in a positive direction TOWARD the growth chart! I’m so proud of her. I am no longer obsessively taking her weight before and after every feeding, because she pretty consistently gets 4-6 ounces per breastfeeding session. I just spot-check her now.
  • Abby has stopped being terribly interested in eating on a strict schedule. She always gets her minimum 6 feedings per day, but first thing in the morning what she wants is to play. She instead loads up on feedings toward the end of the day. If she gets six feedings in by 7pm, she sleeps until around 3am. If she has only had 5 feedings by 7pm, she sleeps until 11pm eats her 6th feeding then and then sleeps until 5am. She knows exactly what she wants, and she gets it. We’ve JUST moved her to 5oz feedings, and she is reluctantly taking it. 4oz wasn’t quite enough, but she probably would prefer 4.5oz feedings. In contrast, both of the other babies are now taking SIX ounce feedings!
  • Another Abby milestone… she can now almost sit by herself unassisted. If you sit her up in your lap, she doesn’t wobble much and she can hold herself upright for several minutes without toppling over. She’s the first to do that.
  • Sam is very giggly. Though Abby occasionally giggles and Ellie is very smiley and coos a lot, Sam is definitely the giggliest of the bunch. It’s very cute. He’s also the biggest, by far.
  • The babies turn six whole months next Wednesday. They have their six month check up with Dr. F that day. It’s the first time one of their well-visits is with someone other than Dr. B. I’m branching out! (Seriously, I adore Dr. F almost as much as I adore Dr. B, so I don’t mind branching out a little… but it is a milestone of sorts for me, because I was pretty determined NOT to branch out!)

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Wednesday night, right on cue, Sam started screaming, as per usual. Seth brought him to me, good husband and father that he is, to be fed, but Sam was having none of that. What? MY son wasn't eating? MY son refusing to nurse? He was flailing around, and desperate, and clearly hungry and he would try to eat, but then would burst out screaming, poor thing. It was the middle of the night, so I knew I had plenty of milk, so that wasn't the problem. Although laying down normally isn't an issue, I tried sitting up with him, but that didn't work either. I tried the other side. I tried another position. Nothing helped. He tried on and off to eat for three hours. My poor baby…so unlike him. I've almost never known Sam to refuse to eat, especially when he was so obviously hungry!

Finally, exhausted, he cried himself to sleep in my arms. Good timing, too, because it was time to feed Ellie. We put him back in the crib and I fed Ellie, who had no problems eating (so obviously my milk wasn't the problem, thank heavens). Eventually, I got up and got ready for the day. When Nanny Extraordinaire arrived for the day, she got the babies ready for bathtime and she started with Sam, who loves the bath. And, sure enough, he got in the bath and giggled and giggled.

Until, that is, she tried to clean around his ears, and then he started to scream bloody murder! Amazingly, as soon as she stopped touching around his ears, he stopped screaming, but if she started again, he started screaming again. Coincidence? I think not!

Something like 90% of children will have an ear infection by age 2. J, at age 4, has never had an ear infection. So I don't know WHAT to do with an ear infection! So, despite having just missed a day of work due to being sick, and despite the fact that I still felt crappy and was likely to miss most of the rest of of the day anyway, I realized that I should probably at least CALL the pediatrician's office and let them decide whether Sam should be seen. I figured they'd say to just keep an eye on it for a day or two, but to my surprise, they said to bring him in. I conferred with Jess who confirmed my theory that it was unlikely that they would treat it, even if it turned out that Sam DID have an ear infection, but she said that the doctor's office still likes to see what's going on so that they've got a baseline in case it doesn't clear up on its own. This made sense to me, so I made arrangements to take him in.

Of course, when I GOT to the office, Sam was all smiles and giggles, the little rat. I saw Dr. F (Dr. B wasn't available, and I love Dr. F, so it's all good). He came into the room and I said, "Wouldn't you know it, Sam's all smiley now!"
"Well, that makes things easy for me! Makes you look like a fool, but it's all good for me," he joked back at me. "Seriously, what's going on?"

Dr. F even tugged on his ears with no response other than giggles from Sam. It was infuriating! (I mean, I'm all for Sam not having any problem at all! But could he PLEASE not make me look like the over-reactive first-time mom? I mean… all three triplets had their FIRST COLD last week and I was SO PROUD of myself for not completely freaking out and calling the pediatrician's office immediately! Actually, Dr. F said he was proud of me for that, too…he said he would have called! Hah!) So anyway, he tried to look in Sam's ear, but couldn't see anything, so he disappeared to get a funky looking tool to help clean out the gunk from the ear. While he was gone, I lightly brushed against Sam's ear and Sam screamed bloody murder and it took several minutes to calm him down! Gah!

Well, to make a long story short (too late, I know!), Sam probably DOES have an ear infection and probably perforated his ear drum. It's only "probably" because with all the pus between the ear canal and the ear drum, Dr. F couldn't see down to the ear drum. Yum! In light of the likely perforation, they ARE treating the infection with antibiotics, even though under normal circumstances, they'd leave it alone. Fortunately, Sam LIKES the amoxicillin (it's really a good thing J never gets sick because he won't take medicine of any kind and never has). And last night, miracle or miracles: he only woke up to eat ONCE.

Other Milestones!

  • Ellie is almost 11 pounds. She still carries the diagnosis "Failure to Thrive" and can't seem to take in enough feedings to eliminate the calorie fortification. She's still well below where she should be on the growth chart, but at least she's finally moving in a positive direction TOWARD the growth chart! I'm so proud of her. I am no longer obsessively taking her weight before and after every feeding, because she pretty consistently gets 4-6 ounces per breastfeeding session. I just spot-check her now.
  • Abby has stopped being terribly interested in eating on a strict schedule. She always gets her minimum 6 feedings per day, but first thing in the morning what she wants is to play. She instead loads up on feedings toward the end of the day. If she gets six feedings in by 7pm, she sleeps until around 3am. If she has only had 5 feedings by 7pm, she sleeps until 11pm eats her 6th feeding then and then sleeps until 5am. She knows exactly what she wants, and she gets it. We've JUST moved her to 5oz feedings, and she is reluctantly taking it. 4oz wasn't quite enough, but she probably would prefer 4.5oz feedings. In contrast, both of the other babies are now taking SIX ounce feedings!
  • Another Abby milestone… she can now almost sit by herself unassisted. If you sit her up in your lap, she doesn't wobble much and she can hold herself upright for several minutes without toppling over. She's the first to do that.
  • Sam is very giggly. Though Abby occasionally giggles and Ellie is very smiley and coos a lot, Sam is definitely the giggliest of the bunch. It's very cute. He's also the biggest, by far.
  • The babies turn six whole months next Wednesday. They have their six month check up with Dr. F that day. It's the first time one of their well-visits is with someone other than Dr. B. I'm branching out! (Seriously, I adore Dr. F almost as much as I adore Dr. B, so I don't mind branching out a little… but it is a milestone of sorts for me, because I was pretty determined NOT to branch out!)

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Numbers Games

You know my love of numbers, right? I’m an analyst so I play with numbers a lot. I mean, I may never live down the day that I posted about having pumped 58 gallons of milk up to that point (and hey, over a month has passed since then, I’m sure it’s nearly time to recalculate!). Well, I realized that the babies are 24 weeks old tomorrow. Can you believe it? That’s a long time to be as sleep deprived as I am. It’s also a long time to be changing diapers. I figure we average 18 diapers per day (it was more in the beginning, but some days are less, so it’s an AVERAGE people… do NOT pick on my math here!). Do you know how many diapers that is??

I do.

Three thousand twenty four diapers.

That’s a lot of diapers. Thank heavens for my father who has been generous enough to send us the vast majority of the diapers that we’ve needed. We have only bought a few of our own diapers (primarily the preemie diapers that we used in the beginning). I consider us very, very lucky. We also have very generous friends with bigger kids than we have, who have given us their leftover diapers as their kids have outgrown diapers that my kids are still wearing.

And seriously? I am extraordinarily grateful that J is (finally!) potty trained. It couldn’t have come at a better time!

Read Full Post »

Numbers Games

You know my love of numbers, right? I'm an analyst so I play with numbers a lot. I mean, I may never live down the day that I posted about having pumped 58 gallons of milk up to that point (and hey, over a month has passed since then, I'm sure it's nearly time to recalculate!). Well, I realized that the babies are 24 weeks old tomorrow. Can you believe it? That's a long time to be as sleep deprived as I am. It's also a long time to be changing diapers. I figure we average 18 diapers per day (it was more in the beginning, but some days are less, so it's an AVERAGE people… do NOT pick on my math here!). Do you know how many diapers that is??

I do.

Three thousand twenty four diapers.

That's a lot of diapers. Thank heavens for my father who has been generous enough to send us the vast majority of the diapers that we've needed. We have only bought a few of our own diapers (primarily the preemie diapers that we used in the beginning). I consider us very, very lucky. We also have very generous friends with bigger kids than we have, who have given us their leftover diapers as their kids have outgrown diapers that my kids are still wearing.

And seriously? I am extraordinarily grateful that J is (finally!) potty trained. It couldn't have come at a better time!

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Some Notes

Just some things I want to make sure I don’t forget:

Sam
Sam doesn’t coo as much as the girls do, but he definitely is a talker. And he’s found his “happy squeal”… he can sit in my lap, or on a boppy, and entertain himself with his happy little squeal for a good long while, but mostly in the morning. He is my snuggliest baby, preferring to be held at all times, and happiest when eating. He prefers nursing over bottles under most circumstances, and he knows my voice for sure. He’ll be perfectly content sitting in the nanny’s lap, but when I walk in the room, he’ll immediately turn toward me and smile and reach toward me, even if he was just drinking happily from a bottle. He loves to play on the activity mat, and sit in his Bumbo chair. Yesterday we tried him in the exersaucer for the first time, but he’s not QUITE stable enough for it yet. Jess suggested using some rolled up receiving blankets to stabilize him, but I haven’t tried that yet. It would probably work. On Friday, he weighed 12 pounds, 13 ounces, my big boy. He looks awesome in stripes. But then, I’m partial to stripes. 🙂 He is wearing 3 month clothes, some 3-6 month clothes and even a few just plain 6mos clothes! Goodness!

Ellie
Ellie is very smiley these days. Ever since we got her to start gaining weight, she’s been much more alert, much more smiley, and much more active. On Friday, she weighed 9 pounds, 14.5 ounces! She is still getting the 28 calorie fortification 4 times per day during the week, but I am free to nurse her as much as I can on the weekends, so I try to give her at least two 28-calorie/oz bottles on the weekend, but I nurse her the rest of the time. She is taking 5oz bottles per feeding and takes at least that much when nursing as well, which is astounding. She doesn’t have to see the doctor again until next Tuesday which makes me really happy. She is long and skinny and still has a newborn sized waist, so she still wears Newborn pants, but has outgrown her Newborn stretchies and onesies. So she’s solidly in 0-3 month clothes, but is long enough to wear 3 months even. She coos a lot and still loves to suck her thumb, particularly in the middle of the night. She does NOT like to eat in the middle of the night still.

Abby
Abby has been smiling and cooing longer than either Ellie or Sam. It’s hard to believe that she used to be the runt of the pack. She’s way ahead of the bunch in so many ways now. She holds tight to her teddy bear, pulls bottles closer, smiles broadly when she sees you peering at her first thing in the morning, and LOVES to play on the activity center. She also loved the exersaucer yesterday. She was 10 pounds 12 ounces on Friday. She hates formula of any kind, but still won’t nurse, though I haven’t completely given up trying. Sigh. When I’m feeding her a bottle, I can’t look her in the eye, because if I do, she smiles so broadly that she stops sucking on the bottle. It’s very cute, but makes for very long mealtimes!

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Some Notes

Just some things I want to make sure I don't forget:

Sam
Sam doesn't coo as much as the girls do, but he definitely is a talker. And he's found his "happy squeal"… he can sit in my lap, or on a boppy, and entertain himself with his happy little squeal for a good long while, but mostly in the morning. He is my snuggliest baby, preferring to be held at all times, and happiest when eating. He prefers nursing over bottles under most circumstances, and he knows my voice for sure. He'll be perfectly content sitting in the nanny's lap, but when I walk in the room, he'll immediately turn toward me and smile and reach toward me, even if he was just drinking happily from a bottle. He loves to play on the activity mat, and sit in his Bumbo chair. Yesterday we tried him in the exersaucer for the first time, but he's not QUITE stable enough for it yet. Jess suggested using some rolled up receiving blankets to stabilize him, but I haven't tried that yet. It would probably work. On Friday, he weighed 12 pounds, 13 ounces, my big boy. He looks awesome in stripes. But then, I'm partial to stripes. 🙂 He is wearing 3 month clothes, some 3-6 month clothes and even a few just plain 6mos clothes! Goodness!

Ellie
Ellie is very smiley these days. Ever since we got her to start gaining weight, she's been much more alert, much more smiley, and much more active. On Friday, she weighed 9 pounds, 14.5 ounces! She is still getting the 28 calorie fortification 4 times per day during the week, but I am free to nurse her as much as I can on the weekends, so I try to give her at least two 28-calorie/oz bottles on the weekend, but I nurse her the rest of the time. She is taking 5oz bottles per feeding and takes at least that much when nursing as well, which is astounding. She doesn't have to see the doctor again until next Tuesday which makes me really happy. She is long and skinny and still has a newborn sized waist, so she still wears Newborn pants, but has outgrown her Newborn stretchies and onesies. So she's solidly in 0-3 month clothes, but is long enough to wear 3 months even. She coos a lot and still loves to suck her thumb, particularly in the middle of the night. She does NOT like to eat in the middle of the night still.

Abby
Abby has been smiling and cooing longer than either Ellie or Sam. It's hard to believe that she used to be the runt of the pack. She's way ahead of the bunch in so many ways now. She holds tight to her teddy bear, pulls bottles closer, smiles broadly when she sees you peering at her first thing in the morning, and LOVES to play on the activity center. She also loved the exersaucer yesterday. She was 10 pounds 12 ounces on Friday. She hates formula of any kind, but still won't nurse, though I haven't completely given up trying. Sigh. When I'm feeding her a bottle, I can't look her in the eye, because if I do, she smiles so broadly that she stops sucking on the bottle. It's very cute, but makes for very long mealtimes!

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