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Archive for the ‘blogarama’ Category

WalkAmerica

Posted in blogarama, general infertility, social issues on April 12, 2007| 1 Comment »

If you've never read Mel's blog, Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters, you've been missing out. Mel's blog is far more than a blog. It is a wealth of information for infertility bloggers. There are links to virtually any kind of infertility blog out there. She has rounded up an amazing group of Peer Infertility Counselors in a variety of categories, so if you're ever seeking information on, say, Depression and Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction, IVF, IUI, or any of a myriad of other topics, you can find someone who has been there, done that, and who has agreed to share her experiences with you.

Mel also has started to develop what she calls an Emblopedia, an emotional blog encyclopedia which archives thoughts and feelings on a variety of categories and subcategories regarding infertility. I myself have been meaning to submit some entries to the Emblopedia, but haven't had time yet. But Mel never seems to run out of time. She organizes the Emblopedia, she developed the Peer Infertility Counselor List and wait! There's more! She organizes and hosts the Barren Bitches Book Brigade (which I'm excited to be participating in for the first time for Tour 3!). She has an unbelievable amount of information on her site. She has incredible insights into the world of infertility. She's an incredible writer whose blog is as selfless as any I've ever seen. (my blog is entirely selfish… I write for myself and not as a public service… Mel gives more of herself in her blog than I've ever seen anyone do)

You'd think that would be enough. And seriously, how does Mel ever find time to sleep or spend time with her amazing twins? But she does! Seriously! And more than that! Mel has found yet another selfless way to champion the causes that we infertiles face every day: Mel is participating in WalkAmerica to support the March of Dimes. If you don't know what great work March of Dimes supports, you should get thee to their site and educate yourself. For we all benefit from the incredible research and education that the March of Dimes supports. Mel says she is shy about posting about her participation in WalkAmerica, but she shouldn't be, and I am certainly not going to be shy about promoting her efforts for her. Please go read Mel's post about WalkAmerica and then consider sponsoring Mel in her efforts to support the March of Dimes. You know you want to.

It doesn't matter how much you sponsor her for, $1, $10, $50, whatever you feel comfortable with, because every dollar counts. Mel appears to have set for herself a very modest goal of $500. I hope that we Infertile Myrtles can help her exceed that goal by at least double. Won't you please support this most worthy cause? Won't you please show Mel how much you appreciate her tireless and selfless efforts to make the infertility blogging community a cohesive and supportive unit? I did, and I feel better for it already.

And honestly, if you've been living under a rock and you've never read Mel's blog… you're missing out.

Read Full Post »

WalkAmerica

Posted in blogarama, general infertility, social issues on April 12, 2007| 2 Comments »

If you've never read Mel's blog, Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters, you've been missing out. Mel's blog is far more than a blog. It is a wealth of information for infertility bloggers. There are links to virtually any kind of infertility blog out there. She has rounded up an amazing group of Peer Infertility Counselors in a variety of categories, so if you're ever seeking information on, say, Depression and Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction, IVF, IUI, or any of a myriad of other topics, you can find someone who has been there, done that, and who has agreed to share her experiences with you.

Mel also has started to develop what she calls an Emblopedia, an emotional blog encyclopedia which archives thoughts and feelings on a variety of categories and subcategories regarding infertility. I myself have been meaning to submit some entries to the Emblopedia, but haven't had time yet. But Mel never seems to run out of time. She organizes the Emblopedia, she developed the Peer Infertility Counselor List and wait! There's more! She organizes and hosts the Barren Bitches Book Brigade (which I'm excited to be participating in for the first time for Tour 3!). She has an unbelievable amount of information on her site. She has incredible insights into the world of infertility. She's an incredible writer whose blog is as selfless as any I've ever seen. (my blog is entirely selfish… I write for myself and not as a public service… Mel gives more of herself in her blog than I've ever seen anyone do)

You'd think that would be enough. And seriously, how does Mel ever find time to sleep or spend time with her amazing twins? But she does! Seriously! And more than that! Mel has found yet another selfless way to champion the causes that we infertiles face every day: Mel is participating in WalkAmerica to support the March of Dimes. If you don't know what great work March of Dimes supports, you should get thee to their site and educate yourself. For we all benefit from the incredible research and education that the March of Dimes supports. Mel says she is shy about posting about her participation in WalkAmerica, but she shouldn't be, and I am certainly not going to be shy about promoting her efforts for her. Please go read Mel's post about WalkAmerica and then consider sponsoring Mel in her efforts to support the March of Dimes. You know you want to.

It doesn't matter how much you sponsor her for, $1, $10, $50, whatever you feel comfortable with, because every dollar counts. Mel appears to have set for herself a very modest goal of $500. I hope that we Infertile Myrtles can help her exceed that goal by at least double. Won't you please support this most worthy cause? Won't you please show Mel how much you appreciate her tireless and selfless efforts to make the infertility blogging community a cohesive and supportive unit? I did, and I feel better for it already.

And honestly, if you've been living under a rock and you've never read Mel's blog… you're missing out.

Read Full Post »

Podcast Recommendation

Posted in blogarama, general infertility on March 11, 2007| Leave a Comment »

I’ve been meaning to write this post for quite a long time, and it just never materialized. But I wanted to talk about a podcast I discovered. I had never understood podcasts before. It seemed to be completely odd and random, and I couldn’t figure out people’s obsessions with podcasting. Then my husband got me an iPod for Chanukah. I never wanted an iPod. I thought it silly and frivolous. I now can’t figure out how I ever lived without one, even though I still use it far less than most iPod owners.

Around the same time, I got a comment in my blog from Malky B. Malky and her husband Aaron have a podcast called “The Second Time Around.” Amazingly enough, the podcast is largely about secondary infertility, but also of course talks about and is relevant to primary infertility issues. Malky once told me she wasn’t sure how I “put myself out there” in a blog, whereas, I’m in awe of her ability to talk frankly in a podcast. “The Second Time Around” was the first podcast I’d ever listened to, but I now have several queued up to listen to.

Malky and I started an email exchange almost immediately after she left her first comment in my blog and she is delightfully articulate about her experiences with both primary and secondary infertility. Her story isn’t for me to share (inasmuch as I haven’t asked her permission to do so), but you can hear snippets of her story in various episodes of the podcast. Aaron, too, is delightfully articulate and forthcoming about his feelings on both primary and secondary infertility. Shortly after I started corresponding with Malky via email, she asked if I would like to be a guest on the show. I balked at the idea. I haven’t anything original to contribute to the world of infertility. My story is much like anyone elses: I want a baby, I haven’t been able to have one, therefore I subject myself to all the evils of fertility treatment in my quest. But Malky was persuasive and we found a time that we were all free to record an interview for use on the podcast.

The night of the interview came and I was so unbelievably sick that I’d been out of work for several days and continued to be out for several more after that. Still, putting it off wasn’t going to do anyone any good, so we went forward with the interview. Listening to the episode I realize that I sound a lot better than I felt, and I don’t sound great. I also said “um” far too often, and it was partly because I was having trouble breathing and partly because I’m really not terribly articulate in the first place.

At any rate, regardless of my own interview on the podcast, I would encourage everyone to consider downloading a couple of episodes and listening to them. Aaron and Malky are a lot of fun and are doing a terrific job of talking through many of the issues that we infertiles struggle with.

For more information you can visit their blog at: http://benedictfamily.org
My interview is on Episode 13: http://www.benedictfamily.org/?p=175 (note that the beginning part of the episode seems to have a bit of a synching issue where there’s a lag between aaron and malky’s mics, but the problem clears up in the second half of the episode)

At any rate, I hope some of you listen to the podcast. I think SaraS-P does already. I particularly recommend the episodes on coping with pregnancy loss (Episode 4 and Episode 5).

Read Full Post »

Podcast Recommendation

Posted in blogarama, general infertility on March 11, 2007| Leave a Comment »

I've been meaning to write this post for quite a long time, and it just never materialized. But I wanted to talk about a podcast I discovered. I had never understood podcasts before. It seemed to be completely odd and random, and I couldn't figure out people's obsessions with podcasting. Then my husband got me an iPod for Chanukah. I never wanted an iPod. I thought it silly and frivolous. I now can't figure out how I ever lived without one, even though I still use it far less than most iPod owners.

Around the same time, I got a comment in my blog from Malky B. Malky and her husband Aaron have a podcast called "The Second Time Around." Amazingly enough, the podcast is largely about secondary infertility, but also of course talks about and is relevant to primary infertility issues. Malky once told me she wasn't sure how I "put myself out there" in a blog, whereas, I'm in awe of her ability to talk frankly in a podcast. "The Second Time Around" was the first podcast I'd ever listened to, but I now have several queued up to listen to.

Malky and I started an email exchange almost immediately after she left her first comment in my blog and she is delightfully articulate about her experiences with both primary and secondary infertility. Her story isn't for me to share (inasmuch as I haven't asked her permission to do so), but you can hear snippets of her story in various episodes of the podcast. Aaron, too, is delightfully articulate and forthcoming about his feelings on both primary and secondary infertility. Shortly after I started corresponding with Malky via email, she asked if I would like to be a guest on the show. I balked at the idea. I haven't anything original to contribute to the world of infertility. My story is much like anyone elses: I want a baby, I haven't been able to have one, therefore I subject myself to all the evils of fertility treatment in my quest. But Malky was persuasive and we found a time that we were all free to record an interview for use on the podcast.

The night of the interview came and I was so unbelievably sick that I'd been out of work for several days and continued to be out for several more after that. Still, putting it off wasn't going to do anyone any good, so we went forward with the interview. Listening to the episode I realize that I sound a lot better than I felt, and I don't sound great. I also said "um" far too often, and it was partly because I was having trouble breathing and partly because I'm really not terribly articulate in the first place.

At any rate, regardless of my own interview on the podcast, I would encourage everyone to consider downloading a couple of episodes and listening to them. Aaron and Malky are a lot of fun and are doing a terrific job of talking through many of the issues that we infertiles struggle with.

For more information you can visit their blog at: http://benedictfamily.org
My interview is on Episode 13: http://www.benedictfamily.org/?p=175 (note that the beginning part of the episode seems to have a bit of a synching issue where there's a lag between aaron and malky's mics, but the problem clears up in the second half of the episode)

At any rate, I hope some of you listen to the podcast. I think SaraS-P does already. I particularly recommend the episodes on coping with pregnancy loss (Episode 4 and Episode 5).

Read Full Post »

Housekeeping

Posted in blogarama, life on January 29, 2007| 4 Comments »

I recently updated my list of blogs in the sidebar. I think I might have missed a couple, and I do occasionally look at Julie’s Big List O’ Blogs to see if there’s anyone new. But I was wondering if there are any infertility bloggers you all recommend. Are there any you’re particularly enjoying these days that I don’t have listed (or even if I do have them listed, I suppose). Or, even though De-Lurking Week is over… perhaps you’re reading this blog and I don’t have you listed. Could you let me know? Also, if you’d prefer your blog NOT be listed (or be listed differently), please let me know. It won’t keep me from reading your blog, but I do know some people prefer not to have links directly to their blogs.

That’s about it. Everything else is normal.
Nightly Follistim injections? Check.
Accompanying nausea? Check.
Worst migraines I’ve had in close to a decade? Check.
Two funerals a week apart, neither local, each involving a 5 to 9 hour drive? Check.
31st Birthday? Check.
Wondermous husband who surprised me by telling me he’s taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate the aforementioned birthday? Check.

What more could a girl ask for? Next update probably Wednesday after my CD8 bloodwork and ultrasound. Anticipate increasing Follistim dosage slightly and returning Friday. We’ll see if I’m correct.

Read Full Post »

Housekeeping

Posted in blogarama, life on January 29, 2007| 5 Comments »

I recently updated my list of blogs in the sidebar. I think I might have missed a couple, and I do occasionally look at Julie's Big List O' Blogs to see if there's anyone new. But I was wondering if there are any infertility bloggers you all recommend. Are there any you're particularly enjoying these days that I don't have listed (or even if I do have them listed, I suppose). Or, even though De-Lurking Week is over… perhaps you're reading this blog and I don't have you listed. Could you let me know? Also, if you'd prefer your blog NOT be listed (or be listed differently), please let me know. It won't keep me from reading your blog, but I do know some people prefer not to have links directly to their blogs.

That's about it. Everything else is normal.
Nightly Follistim injections? Check.
Accompanying nausea? Check.
Worst migraines I've had in close to a decade? Check.
Two funerals a week apart, neither local, each involving a 5 to 9 hour drive? Check.
31st Birthday? Check.
Wondermous husband who surprised me by telling me he's taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate the aforementioned birthday? Check.

What more could a girl ask for? Next update probably Wednesday after my CD8 bloodwork and ultrasound. Anticipate increasing Follistim dosage slightly and returning Friday. We'll see if I'm correct.

Read Full Post »

On my Anonymity (or lack thereof)

Posted in blogarama on January 18, 2007| 4 Comments »

You’ve probably noticed that I don’t go to great lengths to protect my identity. I mean, I try not to drag my husband and foster son into things too often, but as far as my own identity is concerned, my blog is pretty transparent. If anyone who knew me stumbled across my blog, it wouldn’t take long to figure out they knew me. And while I’d prefer not to know that my friends outside the computer are reading this particular blog, I can live with it. Come to think of it… maybe you hadn’t noticed. Whatever. I’m still going to write about my lack of anonymity, like it or not. It’s my blog; you don’t have to read it.

RIGHT. Anyway, this post is prompted because a blog that I recently found (and have read much of the archives of, but have only just started commenting on) just went underground. And the one thing I really hate about Typepad is that if you password protect your blog, there’s no front page. Just a prompt for password and an error page if you fail to log in properly. There’s no place to leave a comment or anything to say “hey, I really liked your blog. I’m sorry you decided you needed to go underground. Good luck and stuff.” So basically… the blog just went *poof* to me, and this frustrates me. I completely respect people’s need to keep their identity closed tight. I do. Really. And it’s certainly not MY place to say what other people should do. It’s just I’ve never really felt a need for that much secrecy.

True, I’m much more open about the specifics of my cycles and treatment here inside the computer than I am in real life. It is also true that I’d really rather my “real-life” friends not know exactly when I’m POAS or going for a wanding appointment at the RE’s. I’d rather my friends NOT know when “that time of the month” is, or when each and every disappointment happens. I’d prefer they continue thinking I’m a relatively stable human being, while you, my friends inside the computer, know the truth is that I’m a complete nutjob in need of serious therapy, but too far in denial to bother.

Still, I won’t be password-protecting my blog anytime soon. Nor will I stop using my real name, or location. And I won’t always use pseudonyms like “Dr. Amazing.” I slip and say “Dr. Levy” all the time. I’m also obviously quite transparent about which clinic I go to… it’s not a big stretch to figure out where “Shady Hell” really is. (Actually, I didn’t start calling it Shady Hell for purposes of anonymity… I did that because it’s my own little slice of hell) At any rate, the fundamental reason why I don’t go to greater lengths to protect my anonymity? Basically, I’m lazy. It’s too hard for me to remember what I’ve nicknamed all the doctors, or the clinic, or my husband or cats (oops, that was a clue! You might figure out who I am with that little tidbit thrown in!), or anything, really. I’ve never been a good liar, because I really can’t keep my stories straight unless they’re… well, you know, the truth. Beyond that, well, there are other reasons, but that’s the heart of the matter. I’m a fundamentally lazy person. And a bad liar, too.

The rest of the reason is really that I don’t know that we infertiles really do ourselves any service by staying in the closet. True, I have no interest in my friends from shul or PTA or whatever having any clue when I’m going in for Day 3 ultrasounds, because, well, yuck! But I don’t even try to hide the fact that I’m a member of that exclusive infertility club. I gave up on that long ago. It hasn’t made the stupid comments any easier or any less frequent. It hasn’t meant anyone has any great sensitivity for my plight. None of that, really. But it has meant I don’t have to pretend to be someone (and something) I’m not. And it’s meant I don’t have to be ashamed of who I am.

There’s a woman in my community who recently celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary. She and her husband have no children. In the Orthodox Jewish world, this isn’t terribly common. She and her husband tend toward the very modern side of Orthodoxy, they are both successful attorneys, and I believe both baal teshuva (meaning they didn’t grow up as Orthodox… neither did I). As a result, there’s been a bit of snickering behind their backs for a couple years. Some comments are sympathetic and pondering whether maybe they have a “problem” that they can get “taken care of” since it worked so well for my friend who has twins from IVF and is now pregnant again (whoops! she wasn’t expecting that!). Others are snarky. “I bet they’re using birth control.” “Someone should tell her that putting her career first could backfire… she’s not getting any younger, you know.” I don’t know her that well, and I certainly wasn’t going to pry. I said nothing. But we were recently at the park together and she mentioned that they were “trying the in vitro again” as though I’d always known they were doing IVF. I mean, okay, yeah, I figured they were. But you know what? Good for her for being that open about it. And we compared clinic notes and had a good laugh. This is one of the reasons that I don’t really mind that people know that we’re struggling with infertility. At least people know. And at least I’m not ashamed to compare notes with a friend in the park. I’ve definitely found more support in being out of the closet than I ever found staying in the closet.

So I won’t be going underground. I won’t be trying harder to hide my identity. Frankly, I’m not that interesting, and far more interesting infertility blogs pop up on google searches than mine, so I don’t live in fear that someone will come across mine accidentally. And if they do? Good for them. And if they get more information than they wanted? Well, they didn’t have to read it, did they?

And now, I’m going to crawl back into bed for a little while. Oh wait, I can’t. I’ve got to get J into PJs and try to convince him that bedtime isn’t JUST for wussies.

Read Full Post »

On my Anonymity (or lack thereof)

Posted in blogarama on January 18, 2007| 2 Comments »

You've probably noticed that I don't go to great lengths to protect my identity. I mean, I try not to drag my husband and foster son into things too often, but as far as my own identity is concerned, my blog is pretty transparent. If anyone who knew me stumbled across my blog, it wouldn't take long to figure out they knew me. And while I'd prefer not to know that my friends outside the computer are reading this particular blog, I can live with it. Come to think of it… maybe you hadn't noticed. Whatever. I'm still going to write about my lack of anonymity, like it or not. It's my blog; you don't have to read it.

RIGHT. Anyway, this post is prompted because a blog that I recently found (and have read much of the archives of, but have only just started commenting on) just went underground. And the one thing I really hate about Typepad is that if you password protect your blog, there's no front page. Just a prompt for password and an error page if you fail to log in properly. There's no place to leave a comment or anything to say "hey, I really liked your blog. I'm sorry you decided you needed to go underground. Good luck and stuff." So basically… the blog just went *poof* to me, and this frustrates me. I completely respect people's need to keep their identity closed tight. I do. Really. And it's certainly not MY place to say what other people should do. It's just I've never really felt a need for that much secrecy.

True, I'm much more open about the specifics of my cycles and treatment here inside the computer than I am in real life. It is also true that I'd really rather my "real-life" friends not know exactly when I'm POAS or going for a wanding appointment at the RE's. I'd rather my friends NOT know when "that time of the month" is, or when each and every disappointment happens. I'd prefer they continue thinking I'm a relatively stable human being, while you, my friends inside the computer, know the truth is that I'm a complete nutjob in need of serious therapy, but too far in denial to bother.

Still, I won't be password-protecting my blog anytime soon. Nor will I stop using my real name, or location. And I won't always use pseudonyms like "Dr. Amazing." I slip and say "Dr. Levy" all the time. I'm also obviously quite transparent about which clinic I go to… it's not a big stretch to figure out where "Shady Hell" really is. (Actually, I didn't start calling it Shady Hell for purposes of anonymity… I did that because it's my own little slice of hell) At any rate, the fundamental reason why I don't go to greater lengths to protect my anonymity? Basically, I'm lazy. It's too hard for me to remember what I've nicknamed all the doctors, or the clinic, or my husband or cats (oops, that was a clue! You might figure out who I am with that little tidbit thrown in!), or anything, really. I've never been a good liar, because I really can't keep my stories straight unless they're… well, you know, the truth. Beyond that, well, there are other reasons, but that's the heart of the matter. I'm a fundamentally lazy person. And a bad liar, too.

The rest of the reason is really that I don't know that we infertiles really do ourselves any service by staying in the closet. True, I have no interest in my friends from shul or PTA or whatever having any clue when I'm going in for Day 3 ultrasounds, because, well, yuck! But I don't even try to hide the fact that I'm a member of that exclusive infertility club. I gave up on that long ago. It hasn't made the stupid comments any easier or any less frequent. It hasn't meant anyone has any great sensitivity for my plight. None of that, really. But it has meant I don't have to pretend to be someone (and something) I'm not. And it's meant I don't have to be ashamed of who I am.

There's a woman in my community who recently celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary. She and her husband have no children. In the Orthodox Jewish world, this isn't terribly common. She and her husband tend toward the very modern side of Orthodoxy, they are both successful attorneys, and I believe both baal teshuva (meaning they didn't grow up as Orthodox… neither did I). As a result, there's been a bit of snickering behind their backs for a couple years. Some comments are sympathetic and pondering whether maybe they have a "problem" that they can get "taken care of" since it worked so well for my friend who has twins from IVF and is now pregnant again (whoops! she wasn't expecting that!). Others are snarky. "I bet they're using birth control." "Someone should tell her that putting her career first could backfire… she's not getting any younger, you know." I don't know her that well, and I certainly wasn't going to pry. I said nothing. But we were recently at the park together and she mentioned that they were "trying the in vitro again" as though I'd always known they were doing IVF. I mean, okay, yeah, I figured they were. But you know what? Good for her for being that open about it. And we compared clinic notes and had a good laugh. This is one of the reasons that I don't really mind that people know that we're struggling with infertility. At least people know. And at least I'm not ashamed to compare notes with a friend in the park. I've definitely found more support in being out of the closet than I ever found staying in the closet.

So I won't be going underground. I won't be trying harder to hide my identity. Frankly, I'm not that interesting, and far more interesting infertility blogs pop up on google searches than mine, so I don't live in fear that someone will come across mine accidentally. And if they do? Good for them. And if they get more information than they wanted? Well, they didn't have to read it, did they?

And now, I'm going to crawl back into bed for a little while. Oh wait, I can't. I've got to get J into PJs and try to convince him that bedtime isn't JUST for wussies.

Read Full Post »

On my Anonymity (or lack thereof)

Posted in blogarama on January 18, 2007| 3 Comments »

You've probably noticed that I don't go to great lengths to protect my identity. I mean, I try not to drag my husband and foster son into things too often, but as far as my own identity is concerned, my blog is pretty transparent. If anyone who knew me stumbled across my blog, it wouldn't take long to figure out they knew me. And while I'd prefer not to know that my friends outside the computer are reading this particular blog, I can live with it. Come to think of it… maybe you hadn't noticed. Whatever. I'm still going to write about my lack of anonymity, like it or not. It's my blog; you don't have to read it.

RIGHT. Anyway, this post is prompted because a blog that I recently found (and have read much of the archives of, but have only just started commenting on) just went underground. And the one thing I really hate about Typepad is that if you password protect your blog, there's no front page. Just a prompt for password and an error page if you fail to log in properly. There's no place to leave a comment or anything to say "hey, I really liked your blog. I'm sorry you decided you needed to go underground. Good luck and stuff." So basically… the blog just went *poof* to me, and this frustrates me. I completely respect people's need to keep their identity closed tight. I do. Really. And it's certainly not MY place to say what other people should do. It's just I've never really felt a need for that much secrecy.

True, I'm much more open about the specifics of my cycles and treatment here inside the computer than I am in real life. It is also true that I'd really rather my "real-life" friends not know exactly when I'm POAS or going for a wanding appointment at the RE's. I'd rather my friends NOT know when "that time of the month" is, or when each and every disappointment happens. I'd prefer they continue thinking I'm a relatively stable human being, while you, my friends inside the computer, know the truth is that I'm a complete nutjob in need of serious therapy, but too far in denial to bother.

Still, I won't be password-protecting my blog anytime soon. Nor will I stop using my real name, or location. And I won't always use pseudonyms like "Dr. Amazing." I slip and say "Dr. Levy" all the time. I'm also obviously quite transparent about which clinic I go to… it's not a big stretch to figure out where "Shady Hell" really is. (Actually, I didn't start calling it Shady Hell for purposes of anonymity… I did that because it's my own little slice of hell) At any rate, the fundamental reason why I don't go to greater lengths to protect my anonymity? Basically, I'm lazy. It's too hard for me to remember what I've nicknamed all the doctors, or the clinic, or my husband or cats (oops, that was a clue! You might figure out who I am with that little tidbit thrown in!), or anything, really. I've never been a good liar, because I really can't keep my stories straight unless they're… well, you know, the truth. Beyond that, well, there are other reasons, but that's the heart of the matter. I'm a fundamentally lazy person. And a bad liar, too.

The rest of the reason is really that I don't know that we infertiles really do ourselves any service by staying in the closet. True, I have no interest in my friends from shul or PTA or whatever having any clue when I'm going in for Day 3 ultrasounds, because, well, yuck! But I don't even try to hide the fact that I'm a member of that exclusive infertility club. I gave up on that long ago. It hasn't made the stupid comments any easier or any less frequent. It hasn't meant anyone has any great sensitivity for my plight. None of that, really. But it has meant I don't have to pretend to be someone (and something) I'm not. And it's meant I don't have to be ashamed of who I am.

There's a woman in my community who recently celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary. She and her husband have no children. In the Orthodox Jewish world, this isn't terribly common. She and her husband tend toward the very modern side of Orthodoxy, they are both successful attorneys, and I believe both baal teshuva (meaning they didn't grow up as Orthodox… neither did I). As a result, there's been a bit of snickering behind their backs for a couple years. Some comments are sympathetic and pondering whether maybe they have a "problem" that they can get "taken care of" since it worked so well for my friend who has twins from IVF and is now pregnant again (whoops! she wasn't expecting that!). Others are snarky. "I bet they're using birth control." "Someone should tell her that putting her career first could backfire… she's not getting any younger, you know." I don't know her that well, and I certainly wasn't going to pry. I said nothing. But we were recently at the park together and she mentioned that they were "trying the in vitro again" as though I'd always known they were doing IVF. I mean, okay, yeah, I figured they were. But you know what? Good for her for being that open about it. And we compared clinic notes and had a good laugh. This is one of the reasons that I don't really mind that people know that we're struggling with infertility. At least people know. And at least I'm not ashamed to compare notes with a friend in the park. I've definitely found more support in being out of the closet than I ever found staying in the closet.

So I won't be going underground. I won't be trying harder to hide my identity. Frankly, I'm not that interesting, and far more interesting infertility blogs pop up on google searches than mine, so I don't live in fear that someone will come across mine accidentally. And if they do? Good for them. And if they get more information than they wanted? Well, they didn't have to read it, did they?

And now, I'm going to crawl back into bed for a little while. Oh wait, I can't. I've got to get J into PJs and try to convince him that bedtime isn't JUST for wussies.

Read Full Post »

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