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Perspective

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment on May 27, 2007| 8 Comments »

The bad news is that I have an unbelievably awful ear infection. But the good news is that this is sure keeping my mind off of the migraine situation. See? It's all about perspective.

My poor husband woke up to me sobbing in pain last night. I'm sure he thought I was in labor or something. Rather than horror at my obvious pain level, I'm certain what he felt instead was relief that it was "just" my ear. See? Perspective.

Speaking of perspective, please go give some love to Suzanne. Sometimes when I'm feeling yucky, or having contractions, or trying to figure out the logistics of caring for three tiny babies, I think of Suzanne. Every morning I wake up thankful that I have triplets and not quadruplets. Not because quadruplets are not a blessing, but because I'm not certain I could handle the trials of the pregnancy with the grace that Suzanne has. Yes, Suzanne is pregnancy with quadruplets and just had to have a cerclage performed. I know with triplets, I'm not immune to the possibility of a cerclage in my future, but I remain hopeful. Suzanne has the best possible attitude, but I also know she's going through a very scary time. She's almost 21 weeks, so she's still got a few weeks that she simply must hang on to those babies and that's very, very frightening. So if you're feeling loveable… go give Suz some love. Because, really? It's all about perspective.

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Lessons Learned

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment, reduction discussion on April 20, 2007| 14 Comments »

Generally speaking, I don’t freak out about bleeding. As you can see from my two previous posts, this did not ring true today. I started cramping, discovered I was bleeding (not lightly) and freaked the hell out. Normally I’m pretty calm about these things, realizing that if something’s wrong, there’s not a darned thing that can be done about it, and knowing that probably nothing is wrong. But today? No such sense of serenity. Nope, I called my husband and burst into tears as soon as he answered his phone. I was near panic when I called my OB’s office, though I managed a facade of calm as I spoke with the answering service. I nearly burst into tears in the waiting room at the OB’s office, something which would have utterly mortified me had it actually happened.

And what lesson have we learned, boys and girls?

Obviously I’m growing quite attached to my three little parasites, troublemakers that they are. There is absolutely no way I can reduce this pregnancy under the circumstances that I have. There is no way. I want to be clear that this is a personal decision of mine. This isn’t judging any decisions anyone else has ever made or will make. Every circumstance is different. Every person has their own needs to weigh. I’ve done my risk analysis. I’ve weighed my issues. And what I realized was that today all I could think was that I might have lost one and I freaked the hell out. Which means that for me, reduction is not an option right now.

So at least that’s settled.

Beyond that, I’m okay. The cramping has not abated, but the bleeding has calmed down. I feel a bit foolish for flipping out so badly, but on the other hand, that’s why I have doctors. My doctors are all there to take care of me if things go wrong. And it’s not like I won’t be getting a bill for today’s services, so it’s not like I inconvenienced anyone. So here’s the second lesson I’ve learned today: it’s okay to be high maintenance. I hate being a high maintenance patient. I feel like a hypochondriac enough as it is. But the thing is, I am pregnant with triplets. Triplets are a high risk pregnancy. I am therefore, by definition, a high maintenance patient, like it or not. I will have to learn that I’m not going to be one of those cute little pregnant women who never has a problem and spends her last trimester walking a mile a day because I can’t stand being cooped up or need to walk off that bloated feeling after I eat (there’s a chick in my community who walked a mile every day up until the day before her delivery because she couldn’t handle how full she felt after eating). That won’t be me. I’m going to have to learn to accept help, and more importantly, I’m going to have to learn how to ask for help when I need it.

It’s okay to be high maintenance. It’s okay to admit I’m attached to the little monsters.

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Lessons Learned

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment, reduction discussion on April 20, 2007| 6 Comments »

Generally speaking, I don't freak out about bleeding. As you can see from my two previous posts, this did not ring true today. I started cramping, discovered I was bleeding (not lightly) and freaked the hell out. Normally I'm pretty calm about these things, realizing that if something's wrong, there's not a darned thing that can be done about it, and knowing that probably nothing is wrong. But today? No such sense of serenity. Nope, I called my husband and burst into tears as soon as he answered his phone. I was near panic when I called my OB's office, though I managed a facade of calm as I spoke with the answering service. I nearly burst into tears in the waiting room at the OB's office, something which would have utterly mortified me had it actually happened.

And what lesson have we learned, boys and girls?

Obviously I'm growing quite attached to my three little parasites, troublemakers that they are. There is absolutely no way I can reduce this pregnancy under the circumstances that I have. There is no way. I want to be clear that this is a personal decision of mine. This isn't judging any decisions anyone else has ever made or will make. Every circumstance is different. Every person has their own needs to weigh. I've done my risk analysis. I've weighed my issues. And what I realized was that today all I could think was that I might have lost one and I freaked the hell out. Which means that for me, reduction is not an option right now.

So at least that's settled.

Beyond that, I'm okay. The cramping has not abated, but the bleeding has calmed down. I feel a bit foolish for flipping out so badly, but on the other hand, that's why I have doctors. My doctors are all there to take care of me if things go wrong. And it's not like I won't be getting a bill for today's services, so it's not like I inconvenienced anyone. So here's the second lesson I've learned today: it's okay to be high maintenance. I hate being a high maintenance patient. I feel like a hypochondriac enough as it is. But the thing is, I am pregnant with triplets. Triplets are a high risk pregnancy. I am therefore, by definition, a high maintenance patient, like it or not. I will have to learn that I'm not going to be one of those cute little pregnant women who never has a problem and spends her last trimester walking a mile a day because I can't stand being cooped up or need to walk off that bloated feeling after I eat (there's a chick in my community who walked a mile every day up until the day before her delivery because she couldn't handle how full she felt after eating). That won't be me. I'm going to have to learn to accept help, and more importantly, I'm going to have to learn how to ask for help when I need it.

It's okay to be high maintenance. It's okay to admit I'm attached to the little monsters.

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Lessons Learned

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment, reduction discussion on April 20, 2007| 13 Comments »

And what lesson have we learned, boys and girls?

So at least that's settled.

It's okay to be high maintenance. It's okay to admit I'm attached to the little monsters.

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Okay

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment, triplets? on April 19, 2007| 8 Comments »

I’m okay. My OB was working in the office that doesn’t have a very good ultrasound machine, so he sent me to the other office for an ultrasound and to meet with another OB in the practice. There are still three babies with three heartbeats. That, apparently, is all I need to know.

After the ultrasound I met with Dr. P, who I now know I despise. To be fair English isn’t his first language, but even though my Spanish is reasonable (I used to live in Spain), I don’t know how to say “cervix” in Spanish. And besides, he’s been in the US most of his life, so I’m not inclined to cut him much slack. After the ultrasound, I went into his office and he looked through the partial record of mine that had been faxed over from the office that holds my record. “Triplets, huh?” Yep. Triplets. “But you knew that before today, right?” Yep. I sure did.

He said, “well, the babies are fine.” Okay. Long pause. I waited for him to say something more interesting, but he didn’t. So eventually I said, “So I should assume the bleeding is nothing and not worry about it?” Well, he said, at this stage of pregnancy when a patient complains of bleeding (okay, seriously? I hate that! “complains of bleeding”… I wasn’t complaining! I was informing!) they check for viability and that’s the only thing I need to know.

Then he went on and on about my care and ultimately decided (without any input from me) that the real problem is getting me to term, or as close to it as possible. The delivery, he said, wouldn’t be any problem at all, because that’s easy and anyone in the practice can do that. But getting me there, well, obviously I’d need to be seeing the perinatologist. And now that he thinks about it, I should just have the perinatologist do all of my care until it comes time for that easy c-section. “I love my doctor. You are not taking him away from me.” But he persisted. “I’ll talk it over with Dr. B, but I’m inclined to think that since you’ll be seeing them so often, there’s no reason for you to see us.” I clenched my teeth. “You cannot stop me from seeing Dr. B. I love him.”

And by the way, telling a hormonal pregnant chick, who’s in the middle of a small nervous breakdown because God just won’t give her a break, that the c-section is the “easy” part is not wise. Easy for who? Certainly not for ME!

So, I totally get that I’m being a bitch. But you know, what I wanted to know was that my babies were fine. I wanted to know that the bleeding was nothing to worry about. I wanted to know that I could breathe. I did not want to know that in HIS opinion I needn’t bother seeing the doctors I’m supposed to trust to CUT OPEN MY ABDOMEN. The only good news of it all is that Dr. P (the doctor I saw today) is phasing out of obstetrical procedures and there is NO WAY HE’LL EVER GET NEAR ME WITH A SCALPEL. Ahem.

I love Dr. B. They are not taking him away from me. (And anyway, the perinatology practice will NOT see patients unilaterally. They only do care bilaterally. So at least I don’t have to fear Dr. P’s threat to have me stop seeing their practice)

So right: the good news is that there are three heartbeats so I have a temporary reprieve on worrying and I should get more information tomorrow, since I’m having the nuchal fold scan at the perinatologist’s office anyway. The bad news is, of course, I had to cancel my appointment at Georgetown and I’m just not sure it’s worth trying to reschedule at this point. Thanks for all your kind comments in my last freak-out post. I appreciate your concern.

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Don’t Panic

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment on April 19, 2007| 8 Comments »

I’m bleeding. And cramping. This isn’t spotting anymore, and it came on suddenly. I’m on hold with the doctor’s emergency line now.

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Okay

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment, triplets? on April 19, 2007| 1 Comment »

I'm okay. My OB was working in the office that doesn't have a very good ultrasound machine, so he sent me to the other office for an ultrasound and to meet with another OB in the practice. There are still three babies with three heartbeats. That, apparently, is all I need to know.

After the ultrasound I met with Dr. P, who I now know I despise. To be fair English isn't his first language, but even though my Spanish is reasonable (I used to live in Spain), I don't know how to say "cervix" in Spanish. And besides, he's been in the US most of his life, so I'm not inclined to cut him much slack. After the ultrasound, I went into his office and he looked through the partial record of mine that had been faxed over from the office that holds my record. "Triplets, huh?" Yep. Triplets. "But you knew that before today, right?" Yep. I sure did.

He said, "well, the babies are fine." Okay. Long pause. I waited for him to say something more interesting, but he didn't. So eventually I said, "So I should assume the bleeding is nothing and not worry about it?" Well, he said, at this stage of pregnancy when a patient complains of bleeding (okay, seriously? I hate that! "complains of bleeding"… I wasn't complaining! I was informing!) they check for viability and that's the only thing I need to know.

Then he went on and on about my care and ultimately decided (without any input from me) that the real problem is getting me to term, or as close to it as possible. The delivery, he said, wouldn't be any problem at all, because that's easy and anyone in the practice can do that. But getting me there, well, obviously I'd need to be seeing the perinatologist. And now that he thinks about it, I should just have the perinatologist do all of my care until it comes time for that easy c-section. "I love my doctor. You are not taking him away from me." But he persisted. "I'll talk it over with Dr. B, but I'm inclined to think that since you'll be seeing them so often, there's no reason for you to see us." I clenched my teeth. "You cannot stop me from seeing Dr. B. I love him."

And by the way, telling a hormonal pregnant chick, who's in the middle of a small nervous breakdown because God just won't give her a break, that the c-section is the "easy" part is not wise. Easy for who? Certainly not for ME!

So, I totally get that I'm being a bitch. But you know, what I wanted to know was that my babies were fine. I wanted to know that the bleeding was nothing to worry about. I wanted to know that I could breathe. I did not want to know that in HIS opinion I needn't bother seeing the doctors I'm supposed to trust to CUT OPEN MY ABDOMEN. The only good news of it all is that Dr. P (the doctor I saw today) is phasing out of obstetrical procedures and there is NO WAY HE'LL EVER GET NEAR ME WITH A SCALPEL. Ahem.

I love Dr. B. They are not taking him away from me. (And anyway, the perinatology practice will NOT see patients unilaterally. They only do care bilaterally. So at least I don't have to fear Dr. P's threat to have me stop seeing their practice)

So right: the good news is that there are three heartbeats so I have a temporary reprieve on worrying and I should get more information tomorrow, since I'm having the nuchal fold scan at the perinatologist's office anyway. The bad news is, of course, I had to cancel my appointment at Georgetown and I'm just not sure it's worth trying to reschedule at this point. Thanks for all your kind comments in my last freak-out post. I appreciate your concern.

Read Full Post »

Okay

Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment, triplets? on April 19, 2007| 3 Comments »

Then he went on and on about my care and ultimately decided (without any input from me) that the real problem is getting me to term, or as close to it as possible. The delivery, he said, wouldn't be any problem at all, because that's easy and anyone in the practice can do that. But getting me there, well, obviously I'd need to be seeing the perinatologist. And now that he thinks about it, I should just have the perinatologist do all of my care until it comes time for that easy c-section. "I love my doctor. You are not taking him away from me." But he persisted. "I'll talk it over with Dr. B, but I'm inclined to think that since you'll be seeing them so often, there's no reason for you to see us." I clenched my teeth. "You cannot stop me from seeing Dr. B. I love him."

Read Full Post »