ChezPerky

My nurse hasn't called yet. And it's ridiculous that I am anxious about it. Theoretically, calls are made between 12 and 4pm. But Wednesday she called me around 10am, which means nothing about today's call, since she could have a different schedule today.

And let's not forget that the time of her call isn't going to change the results. But here I sit. I refuse to even go to the ladies' room for fear of missing her call, which is stupid, but that's the way it is. I cannot believe what a freak I am being. This is so stupid.

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I hold out little faith that tomorrow's beta will yield any good news.

Oh, did I mention that we're hosting 14 adults (and a bunch of kids) for dinner tomorrow night? Yeah, I'm crazy. Bleh.

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I hold out little faith that tomorrow's beta will yield any good news.

Oh, did I mention that we're hosting 14 adults (and a bunch of kids) for dinner tomorrow night? Yeah, I'm crazy. Bleh.

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I’m off to Florida for a few days, so it’s unlikely I’ll be posting much. I had my IVF Consult with Dr. Amazing on Friday, which was great. Of course, the last time I had an IVF Consult, I ended up getting pregnant. Not counting on that this time. Frankly, even Dr. Amazing didn’t sound terribly optimistic about this IUI. I almost ended up cancelled and to avoid that, they triggered a little earlier than they would have liked to. Since Dr. Amazing is usually optimistic, but always straight with me, I’m going to take his lack of optimism for what it’s worth. He greeted me on Friday by saying he shared my impatience and it’s time to move on. Well said.

Anyway, more details on that either while I’m in Florida or after I return. Thanks for all your kind words and optimistic thoughts. I cherish my friends inside the computer… all of you.

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I'm off to Florida for a few days, so it's unlikely I'll be posting much. I had my IVF Consult with Dr. Amazing on Friday, which was great. Of course, the last time I had an IVF Consult, I ended up getting pregnant. Not counting on that this time. Frankly, even Dr. Amazing didn't sound terribly optimistic about this IUI. I almost ended up cancelled and to avoid that, they triggered a little earlier than they would have liked to. Since Dr. Amazing is usually optimistic, but always straight with me, I'm going to take his lack of optimism for what it's worth. He greeted me on Friday by saying he shared my impatience and it's time to move on. Well said.

Anyway, more details on that either while I'm in Florida or after I return. Thanks for all your kind words and optimistic thoughts. I cherish my friends inside the computer… all of you.

Read Full Post »

I'm off to Florida for a few days, so it's unlikely I'll be posting much. I had my IVF Consult with Dr. Amazing on Friday, which was great. Of course, the last time I had an IVF Consult, I ended up getting pregnant. Not counting on that this time. Frankly, even Dr. Amazing didn't sound terribly optimistic about this IUI. I almost ended up cancelled and to avoid that, they triggered a little earlier than they would have liked to. Since Dr. Amazing is usually optimistic, but always straight with me, I'm going to take his lack of optimism for what it's worth. He greeted me on Friday by saying he shared my impatience and it's time to move on. Well said.

Anyway, more details on that either while I'm in Florida or after I return. Thanks for all your kind words and optimistic thoughts. I cherish my friends inside the computer… all of you.

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I spent half of today trying to find out why my doctor hadn’t received the results of my thrombophilia panel yet. Eventually I got word from Lab Corp that yes, the tests had been run, and gosh… the results are in the system, they can’t figure out why my doctor can’t access them, and no they can’t tell me the results over the phone, but they’ll put them in the mail to me. I called my nurse back and she checked and *miraculously* the results are in the system. Amazing!

Right, so she wants Dr. Amazing to take a look at the results, because two came back elevated JUST THE TEENSIEST BIT. But so teensey that it probably doesn’t matter, but it’s his call to make. Sort of like me and varicella… I’m JUST SHY of immune levels… now I’m JUST SHY of not having a thrombophilia. Yeah. Um… Neither of those really help me. At any rate, it doesn’t matter, since all they’ll do is put me on baby aspirin if it turns out to be an issue. And well… actually if it’s not an issue, I might ask if I can take the baby aspirin anyway, because, you know? It might actually help my migraines (I took baby aspirin every day until I started trying to get pregnant four years ago… since I’ve got a heart issue that mandates that I should take an anticoagulant or aspirin, and since the heart problem can actually lead to migraines… I did find that being on the aspirin at least reduced the severity, if not the frequency of my migraines).

Oh, and I did POAS and it was faintly positive. Even though, you know, it means nothing.

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I spent half of today trying to find out why my doctor hadn't received the results of my thrombophilia panel yet. Eventually I got word from Lab Corp that yes, the tests had been run, and gosh… the results are in the system, they can't figure out why my doctor can't access them, and no they can't tell me the results over the phone, but they'll put them in the mail to me. I called my nurse back and she checked and *miraculously* the results are in the system. Amazing!

Right, so she wants Dr. Amazing to take a look at the results, because two came back elevated JUST THE TEENSIEST BIT. But so teensey that it probably doesn't matter, but it's his call to make. Sort of like me and varicella… I'm JUST SHY of immune levels… now I'm JUST SHY of not having a thrombophilia. Yeah. Um… Neither of those really help me. At any rate, it doesn't matter, since all they'll do is put me on baby aspirin if it turns out to be an issue. And well… actually if it's not an issue, I might ask if I can take the baby aspirin anyway, because, you know? It might actually help my migraines (I took baby aspirin every day until I started trying to get pregnant four years ago… since I've got a heart issue that mandates that I should take an anticoagulant or aspirin, and since the heart problem can actually lead to migraines… I did find that being on the aspirin at least reduced the severity, if not the frequency of my migraines).

Oh, and I did POAS and it was faintly positive. Even though, you know, it means nothing.

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Point the First:

I have dutifully added 18 IUs to my Follistim dose last night and tonight. I am quite irked about it, because I don’t entirely understand the point, as this is quite a deviation from my previous cycles and everything seemed to be looking good. However, it’s my own fault that I don’t know what was going on, because I couldn’t hear half of what the nurse was saying because J was screaming in the background.

Point the second:
The Follistim is really getting to me this time. Every cycle I have one or two shots where I hit a nerve or something, so the shot hurts. But well over half of my shots this cycle have really hurt, and not just for a second… I mean for an hour. It’s not unbelievable amounts of pain and certainly not incapacitating. Just ouchy. Plus, this pain in my right side, which I suspect is caused by that obnoxiously huge follicle that’s growing, is very annoying. Or maybe I’m just cranky and looking for something to complain about.

Point the Third:
My husband sent me a link to a CNN article about car seat safety. The article points out that most rear-facing infant car-seats on the market failed crash tests using tougher standards than the government uses, Consumer Reports said Thursday. In fact, of the 12 rear-facing infant car seats that were tested, a full TEN failed. This is startling news, but I couldn’t help but notice the subject line of his email: “Something to keep in mind…”

As startling as the article is, I was more startled by that seemingly innocuous subject line. It shows such optimism. Optimism that I simply can’t bring myself to have. I have absolutely no faith that there will ever come a time that this information will be relevant in my life. I mean, the statistics are on my side. But then again, the statistics said that if I saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks (check!), got to 8 weeks without a miscarriage (check!) and everything was fine at almost-12 weeks on ultrasound (check!) that odds were I wouldn’t have a miscarriage. Yeah. See what I mean? Statistics just don’t help me. I just never seem to be on the good side of statistics. What are the odds that a 19 year old, healthy girl will get a kidney stone? Well, that’s when I got my first. My first of over a dozen kidney stones. And hey, what are the odds that a 30 year old chick will be able to say she literally lost count of the number of kidney stones she’s had after passing a dozen? And what are the odds of having a miscarriage for no good reason at 12 weeks? Right.

MY POINT, which I seem to have diverged from (sorry about that) is that S has this unbelievable optimism and I’m not even sure he realizes it. It would absolutely never occur to me to mentally file that CNN article for future reference. Because it never occurs to me that I’ll ever have an infant to put into a rear-facing infant car seat. Ever. Even though intellectually I have complete faith that someday, something will work and I’ll be pregnant again. Somehow, I lack the instinctive awareness that the “odds are” that I’ll have an infant someday. And that’s pretty sad, I think.

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Point the First:

I have dutifully added 18 IUs to my Follistim dose last night and tonight. I am quite irked about it, because I don't entirely understand the point, as this is quite a deviation from my previous cycles and everything seemed to be looking good. However, it's my own fault that I don't know what was going on, because I couldn't hear half of what the nurse was saying because J was screaming in the background.

Point the second:
The Follistim is really getting to me this time. Every cycle I have one or two shots where I hit a nerve or something, so the shot hurts. But well over half of my shots this cycle have really hurt, and not just for a second… I mean for an hour. It's not unbelievable amounts of pain and certainly not incapacitating. Just ouchy. Plus, this pain in my right side, which I suspect is caused by that obnoxiously huge follicle that's growing, is very annoying. Or maybe I'm just cranky and looking for something to complain about.

Point the Third:
My husband sent me a link to a CNN article about car seat safety. The article points out that most rear-facing infant car-seats on the market failed crash tests using tougher standards than the government uses, Consumer Reports said Thursday. In fact, of the 12 rear-facing infant car seats that were tested, a full TEN failed. This is startling news, but I couldn't help but notice the subject line of his email: "Something to keep in mind…"

As startling as the article is, I was more startled by that seemingly innocuous subject line. It shows such optimism. Optimism that I simply can't bring myself to have. I have absolutely no faith that there will ever come a time that this information will be relevant in my life. I mean, the statistics are on my side. But then again, the statistics said that if I saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks (check!), got to 8 weeks without a miscarriage (check!) and everything was fine at almost-12 weeks on ultrasound (check!) that odds were I wouldn't have a miscarriage. Yeah. See what I mean? Statistics just don't help me. I just never seem to be on the good side of statistics. What are the odds that a 19 year old, healthy girl will get a kidney stone? Well, that's when I got my first. My first of over a dozen kidney stones. And hey, what are the odds that a 30 year old chick will be able to say she literally lost count of the number of kidney stones she's had after passing a dozen? And what are the odds of having a miscarriage for no good reason at 12 weeks? Right.

MY POINT, which I seem to have diverged from (sorry about that) is that S has this unbelievable optimism and I'm not even sure he realizes it. It would absolutely never occur to me to mentally file that CNN article for future reference. Because it never occurs to me that I'll ever have an infant to put into a rear-facing infant car seat. Ever. Even though intellectually I have complete faith that someday, something will work and I'll be pregnant again. Somehow, I lack the instinctive awareness that the "odds are" that I'll have an infant someday. And that's pretty sad, I think.

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