Sometime around 6pm on Monday (yesterday) I had a miscarriage in the emergency room after hours of horrifying cramping and bleeding. Around 10pm, I had an emergency D&C. And that's that. I'd say more, but there really isn't that much to say right now, other than I'm surprisingly okay, and I know I'll be fine.
Ridiculous amounts of TMI ahead. Don't want TMI? Then don't read it!
This cramping and bleeding thing? It has GOT to stop. I mean, I'm all for the fact that I now know there's a reason for it. And I'm all for the fact that it's not a life-threatening or pregnancy-threatening condition. But for heaven's sake, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH already!
Every time I over do it even the teeniest bit, it's like the dam breaks and the cramping blows up to disproportionate amounts and the whole world feels like it's ending. For something that's "no big deal" this subchorionic shmorionic hemawhatever is COMPLETELY ANNOYING.
Thank heavens that everything really is fine and the fetbryo looks great and it's all good. I have to keep remembering that.
Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment | 1 Comment »
I've been MIA for a while, mostly because I'm really busy and also because I'm so exhausted I still don't have the energy to do much after a full work day, which is a problem when you've got a rambunctious three year old, but we manage just fine.
Anywho, things have been okay. I got through most of the Yom Kippur fast without a problem. I had some unfortunate timing with a very delayed onset of morning sickness, so I started the day throwing up, but I'm fine now. At about 2pm, I started drinking a sip of water every 9 minutes, so as not to fully break the fast. This is the one fast that's next to impossible to get out of, so I'm glad it was relatively painless.
What was NOT fun, however, was that I started bleeding really heavily Sunday night, after my husband had already left for shul. The cramping was horrifying and the bleeding just wouldn't stop for a couple hours, and I really wasn't sure if this was the same ol' same ol', and I shouldn't worry, or if this was something new and worth worrying about. Since it slowed down within a few hours, I didn't pull my husband out of shul, but I was severely displeased. This did not put me in a particuarly good mindset for teshuva (atonement, for lack of a better translation).
I had an OB appointment this morning, and I got to hear the heartbeat, which is pretty cool. The OB said, "The heartrate is about 170, which I think means you're having, um, a girl. Or a boy. I can't remember which." No matter, I replied, because I'm definitely having a boy. All the men in my husband's family have sons, with one anomalous exception, plus I kinda want a girl, which totally means we're having a boy.
Near the end of the visit I asked the doctor how to know when I should worry. I mean, I've been bleeding for over 10 weeks, so this is nothing new, right? But it was pretty heavy and the cramping was pretty horrifying (though admittedly tolerable), so how do I know whether it's something new and worrisome? Well, it's probably nothing. Not too uncommon to experience bleeding in the first trimester. I'm almost 12 weeks, so still a bit to go. But, he said, why don't we get an ultrasound and see if there's a cause for it, eh? Fantabulous. I hadn't been planning on having an ultrasound today, but hey, I got to see the little parasite, so what more can I ask for?
When I got to the ultrasound room, the sonographer asked me if I'd ever had a transvaginal ultrasound. Are you kidding me? I've had like, 50. At least. Maybe more. It was pretty neat. It finally looked like a little creature and not some weird little blob. I could even see fingers and toes! He cooperated and gave a few little waves and kicks of his feet and he measured at exactly 11 1/2 weeks, which is exactly right. So it's all good. Mostly.
The kidlet looks great. But there <i>is</i> a reason for all the bleeding. I have a subchorionic bleed, which isn't a big deal, but there's nothing to be done until it's done bleeding. Eventually, it'll stop and that's all there is to it. Meanwhile, I shouldn't be doing too much heavy lifting or strenuous exercise or whatnot. So probably the apple/tomato picking on Sunday wasn't a brilliant idea (I picked and carried 20lbs of tomotoes, 20 pounds of apples, plus I bought and carried four small pumpkins, a medium sized pumpkin, two large spaghetti squashes, four pounds of sweet potatoes, six bunches of Indian corn, and a batch of basil). Meh. At least I know for next time.
The doctor thought everything (other than the bleed, and that's not too worrisome) looked fabulous on the ultrasound, and he's thrilled with where things are right now. Not without a little drama, but you know, a drama-less pregnancy wouldn't be mine. All in all, I've had it pretty easy. Not much morning sickness, just cramping, bleeding, and unbelievable exhaustion. None of the funky scary symptoms that show up in pregnancy books, no weird diseases… it's all good. So far, so good, as they say.
Posted in pregnancy: never a dull moment | Leave a Comment »
I had my first prenatal OB appointment yesterday. It's a bit surreal, and it was a new office, a new doctor, new everything. For some reason I was very nervous, which is ridiculous. But everything was fine.
I've lost 12 pounds. Dr. B. told me that it would be fine if I gained zero weight which was a really nice way of saying, "holy cow, you weigh HOW much?" He also told me not to eat a lot of carbs. Thanks, Sherlock.
My blood pressure was high, but that's because they're stupid. You're supposed to do a blood pressure after a patient has been sitting quietly doing nothing for at least 2 minutes. Not, say, after doing an internal gynecologic exam, telling the patient to get dressed, walking in on her while she's still getting dressed, having her hop up on the table and THEN taking it. 161/70, which by the way, isn't possible. With a manual cuff, the each mark = 2. When I was in EMT classes, taking my blood pressure taking test, we were told that if we couldn't figure it out and we absolutely had to guess, we'd better make sure we used even numbers or they'd know we pulled it out of our a$$es. At any rate, my normal BP is 120/70, and the doctor wasn't concerned, attributing it to "new office, new doctor, new pregnancy" while I was thinking, "and you know, the aerobic workout I got trying to get my pantyhose on before my privacy was intruded upon." But whatever. As long as they're not accusing me of high BP already, I'm happy.
The thing that set me off was that he said on the weekends they share call with another CWC practice, which is fine. The reasoning was that they don't have that many deliveries on the weekend. Also fine. "Gosh you plan that well!" I joked. "Yep," he said, "but you know that's partially because we do a lot of inductions and scheduled C-sections, which we can't scedule on the weekend."
Ahem.
THEY ARE NOT INDUCING ME UNLESS THERE'S A LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY.
That is all.
I know you must think I'm completely granola crunchy, but I swear on all that is holy that I'm not planning on an unassisted home birth anytime soon. I promise.
Oh, and still with the no epidurals. ICK. I told him no way was a needle going into my spinal column and he said, "well, you've had 12 kidney stones, this'll be easy." So there.
He wasn't stressed about the spotting/cramping, because it's mostly late in the day, not all day, and because I've had three good ultrasounds and my cervix was whatever is good for a cervix to be at this point. Long? Short? High? Low? Open? Closed? Who the hell knows. But it was something good. Really not sure how I feel about someone knowing that much about me. Heh.
Too early to hear the heartbeat with a doppler thingy. But I've already heard the heartbeat twice, so I'm having a hard time saying that was so important to me. He asked me to come back in two weeks so they could hear it. Though, honestly, I think he was saying that so that _I_ could hear it and I just don't have the heart (no pun intended) to tell him I couldn't care less if I hear the heartbeat immediately and I'd rather not miss another morning of work just to hear it if it's only for my sake.
But anyway, he'll talk to me then about some of the earlier genetic testing they can do, but said it was totally up to me since I'm under 35. Gawd that man said my age like 3 or 4 times in the appointment. Could he rub it in a teeney bit more? I was supposed to have all my kids by the time I turned 30! I frankly at my age don't think (other than blood tests and ultrasounds) that CVS or amniocentesis are worth the risk since I had a full Karyotype run at Shady Hell and my husband and I were both screened to see if we were carriers for Tay Sachs, Cystic Fibrosis, etc.
But then I start wondering if I'm just being all blah about this pregnancy and why is that? I dunno. It's weird. Combine my complete lack of concern about testing with the fact that I don't care if I hear a heartbeat in a couple weeks (well, I mean, I would care if they tried to find it but couldn't hear it. THAT would suck. But I mean, I don't care if they don't try, because I have every reason to believe everything's fine), and I just wonder why I'm not jumping up and down with all this.
I'm still having a hard time saying the words, "I'm pregnant" with a straight face. Or at all. Or without thinking about sex, even though none of THAT funny business was involved here. I still can't get over my childhood trauma…. once I figured out that pregnancy = sex, every time I saw a pregnant woman, I was embarassed for her, because everyone MUST KNOW she had (*gasp*) sex! Somehow, I've spent my entire adolescence/adult life fearing that some day someone's going to see me waddling around pregnant and say, "Oh my gosh! She had sex!" Even though, you know, who cares, right? I'm twelve. I admit it. I'm completely juvenile.
Anyway, that's all. Everything's fine. I sort of expected to get some written information from them… like when to call the office if things don't see right, what OTC medicines I can take (I have a pharmacist husband so I know that stuff, but isn't this a common handout to give to a newly pregnant woman?), general dos and don'ts in the first trimester…. something. But I got nothing. Which is fine, because I've pretty much got it covered, but I still thought it was odd. Meh. Anyway, I liked the doctor just fine, and I'm confident that nothing is going to go horribly wrong, so it's all good. Plus this particular doctor in the practice is the one who deals with high risk and infertility… I'm not high risk, but if something happened, he'd be the guy I'd want to see… and well, I mean, the infertility specialty is a bit useless to me right now, but at least he groks the whole infertility/IUI/etc story. So… so far so good.
Of course, I completely forgot to ask him about fasting on Yom Kippur. Oh well.
Posted in OB, pregnant? | Leave a Comment »
I had my first prenatal OB appointment yesterday. It's a bit surreal, and it was a new office, a new doctor, new everything. For some reason I was very nervous, which is ridiculous. But everything was fine.
I've lost 12 pounds. Dr. B. told me that it would be fine if I gained zero weight which was a really nice way of saying, "holy cow, you weigh HOW much?" He also told me not to eat a lot of carbs. Thanks, Sherlock.
My blood pressure was high, but that's because they're stupid. You're supposed to do a blood pressure after a patient has been sitting quietly doing nothing for at least 2 minutes. Not, say, after doing an internal gynecologic exam, telling the patient to get dressed, walking in on her while she's still getting dressed, having her hop up on the table and THEN taking it. 161/70, which by the way, isn't possible. With a manual cuff, the each mark = 2. When I was in EMT classes, taking my blood pressure taking test, we were told that if we couldn't figure it out and we absolutely had to guess, we'd better make sure we used even numbers or they'd know we pulled it out of our a$$es. At any rate, my normal BP is 120/70, and the doctor wasn't concerned, attributing it to "new office, new doctor, new pregnancy" while I was thinking, "and you know, the aerobic workout I got trying to get my pantyhose on before my privacy was intruded upon." But whatever. As long as they're not accusing me of high BP already, I'm happy.
The thing that set me off was that he said on the weekends they share call with another CWC practice, which is fine. The reasoning was that they don't have that many deliveries on the weekend. Also fine. "Gosh you plan that well!" I joked. "Yep," he said, "but you know that's partially because we do a lot of inductions and scheduled C-sections, which we can't scedule on the weekend."
Ahem.
THEY ARE NOT INDUCING ME UNLESS THERE'S A LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY.
That is all.
I know you must think I'm completely granola crunchy, but I swear on all that is holy that I'm not planning on an unassisted home birth anytime soon. I promise.
Oh, and still with the no epidurals. ICK. I told him no way was a needle going into my spinal column and he said, "well, you've had 12 kidney stones, this'll be easy." So there.
He wasn't stressed about the spotting/cramping, because it's mostly late in the day, not all day, and because I've had three good ultrasounds and my cervix was whatever is good for a cervix to be at this point. Long? Short? High? Low? Open? Closed? Who the hell knows. But it was something good. Really not sure how I feel about someone knowing that much about me. Heh.
Too early to hear the heartbeat with a doppler thingy. But I've already heard the heartbeat twice, so I'm having a hard time saying that was so important to me. He asked me to come back in two weeks so they could hear it. Though, honestly, I think he was saying that so that _I_ could hear it and I just don't have the heart (no pun intended) to tell him I couldn't care less if I hear the heartbeat immediately and I'd rather not miss another morning of work just to hear it if it's only for my sake.
But anyway, he'll talk to me then about some of the earlier genetic testing they can do, but said it was totally up to me since I'm under 35. Gawd that man said my age like 3 or 4 times in the appointment. Could he rub it in a teeney bit more? I was supposed to have all my kids by the time I turned 30! I frankly at my age don't think (other than blood tests and ultrasounds) that CVS or amniocentesis are worth the risk since I had a full Karyotype run at Shady Hell and my husband and I were both screened to see if we were carriers for Tay Sachs, Cystic Fibrosis, etc.
But then I start wondering if I'm just being all blah about this pregnancy and why is that? I dunno. It's weird. Combine my complete lack of concern about testing with the fact that I don't care if I hear a heartbeat in a couple weeks (well, I mean, I would care if they tried to find it but couldn't hear it. THAT would suck. But I mean, I don't care if they don't try, because I have every reason to believe everything's fine), and I just wonder why I'm not jumping up and down with all this.
I'm still having a hard time saying the words, "I'm pregnant" with a straight face. Or at all. Or without thinking about sex, even though none of THAT funny business was involved here. I still can't get over my childhood trauma…. once I figured out that pregnancy = sex, every time I saw a pregnant woman, I was embarassed for her, because everyone MUST KNOW she had (*gasp*) sex! Somehow, I've spent my entire adolescence/adult life fearing that some day someone's going to see me waddling around pregnant and say, "Oh my gosh! She had sex!" Even though, you know, who cares, right? I'm twelve. I admit it. I'm completely juvenile.
Anyway, that's all. Everything's fine. I sort of expected to get some written information from them… like when to call the office if things don't see right, what OTC medicines I can take (I have a pharmacist husband so I know that stuff, but isn't this a common handout to give to a newly pregnant woman?), general dos and don'ts in the first trimester…. something. But I got nothing. Which is fine, because I've pretty much got it covered, but I still thought it was odd. Meh. Anyway, I liked the doctor just fine, and I'm confident that nothing is going to go horribly wrong, so it's all good. Plus this particular doctor in the practice is the one who deals with high risk and infertility… I'm not high risk, but if something happened, he'd be the guy I'd want to see… and well, I mean, the infertility specialty is a bit useless to me right now, but at least he groks the whole infertility/IUI/etc story. So… so far so good.
Of course, I completely forgot to ask him about fasting on Yom Kippur. Oh well.
Posted in OB, pregnant? | 1 Comment »
Sorry I went AWOL. Everything's fine, as far as I know.
I had my last appointment with Shady Hell Fertility Shmertility Clinic on Friday, 9/8. Everything looked fine. My RE couldn't find a source of the bleeding on the ultrasound, so she's not concerned that it's anything serious and it "just happens to some 'lucky' women." She did say to refrain from sex until it stops (and those of you who know what it means to be an Orthodox Jew know that that is not a problem to comply with), and to try to take it easy, physically, but she doesn't think anything's wrong.
It feels sort of odd to leave the safety net of the clinic. I know their routine. I know how to reach someone if I need to. I know all the doctors. I know how to get appointments at the times I want them. People know my name. The sonographer is funny! What if my OB's office is full of staff with no sense of humor? How will I survive? Besides, at the clinic, I could have an ultrasound anytime I wanted! Now I'm going to be restrained by insurance companies saying that even if I'm going completely insane and don't believe there's a real live fetus inside me I cannot have an ultrasound covered for another 8 weeks. Okay, so I'm not completely psychotic yet, but anymore cramping and bleeding and I swear I'm not going to believe there's anything left in there. What if my OB won't indulge an infertile in a quick peek?
Ack. I'm getting ahead of myself.
Right. So last week I was supposed to be in Phoenix, but I couldn't go because I had severe ear infections in both ears. If any of you parents out there ever wonder why your babies turn into demons when they get ear infections… wonder no more. IT HURTS LIKE HELL, THAT'S WHY! Like, landed me in the ER begging for morphine kind of hurt, not just "ow, maybe I need some tylenol" kind of hurt. Anyway, I didn't get on a plane, and I never recovered enough to even head to Phoenix a little late. I gave my presentation via phone conference, which wasn't as easy as it sounds, but it was better than nothing.
I have my first OB appointment on Wednesday. I'm hoping all is well.
I still don't have a billion normal pregnancy symptoms. I have ridiculously severe exhaustion. I thought I knew from exhaustion before, but I was completely wrong. Pregnancy exhaustion is a completely different beast. I'm not complaining, exactly, since I did ask for this, but boy I wish I'd really understood what I'd be getting myself into. I'm getting awful headaches. But that's normal for me. No migraine medicine = horrible pain regularly, and not much I can do about it. I'm queasy a lot of the time, but I'm not throwing up or anything. Things are starting to taste odd to me. I ate asparagus on Shabbos, and it tasted vile to me. I asked Seth if there was something wrong with it in general (overcooked asparagus is often bitter, so I wondered if maybe I was supersensitive and it was a tad overcooked) and he said it tasted just fine. So I don't know what happened, but it just tasted horrible. And today… I ate some pineapple and it tasted strongly of coconut. I hate coconut, so this is not in any way a positive development. My mango tasted funny too, but that might have been because I was still tasting the icky coconutty flavor of the pineapple. Again with the not complaining.
Other than that… nada. Except, oh yeah, how could I forget. "The girls"… I've gone up probably 2 cup sizes . Already. This is unacceptable. I was already well-endowed in that area and I invite them to cordially stop making my blouses too tight! I've actually LOST 10 pounds, but not one of my shirts fits correctly anymore. I bought a blouse that is two sizes bigger than anything I own and I can't even stretch THAT across the girls. So I'm not complaining about the exhaustion, headaches, queasiness, or odd taste sensations. But I am complaining about the ultra-mega-super boobs I seem to have developed. Though, I'm sure my husband isn't complaining, even if I am.
I've told my mother and my father (my father was shocked and didn't know what to say; my mother, predictably, was thrilled and is already annoying me by asking if she can come to one of my ultrasounds… a request which has been met with a resounding "NO" from me). We have not told any of my husband's family and I'd be happy to keep it that way, if I can get away with it. But um, probably at some point we'll have to spill the beans to them. You know, at the bar mitzvah, for example.
So yeah. Pregnancy… seems stable, if a bit unbelievable and somewhat inconvenient, what with the cramping and the falling asleep at my desk and the utter inability to complete a single task at work. And other than that, life is good. The kid (our foster son) turned three on Shabbos (Saturday), and he's so darned cute. We've had him for 2 years almost, and I can't even remember life without him. Except when I try really hard to remember those words "peace" and "quiet" applying to my life…
That is all.
Posted in pregnant? | Leave a Comment »
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