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How to Freak Out Your OB

March 23, 2007 by chezperky

So the OB/GYN practice I go to has a rather extensive website, including pictures and bios of all the doctors/midwives. The bios say where the doctor went to school, what their special medical interests are, and if they’re married and/or have kids they note that too (I guess for the personal touch). My OB, in case you were dying to know, is married with three kids. Among his medical interests is “high risk obstetrics.” So Dr. B came in to talk to me and said, “wow, you just don’t do anything half-way, do you?” (No, in fact, my last pregnancy made it a third of the way, so I didn’t even do THAT halfway!)

“Well, I see that you’re interested in high risk obstetrics, so I figure I’m doing you a favor!”
“Wow. Yeah. So, what happened?”

I gave him the history of the cycle, how it was almost cancelled, how IUI was supposed to avoid the cost, invasiveness and trauma of IVF (and look where it got me!), that we’ve got three little heartbeats. Lovely. He freaked the heck out. I mean, he was calmish, but very clear that this was not an ideal situation in his book. He’s delivered healthy successful triplets before. He’s not worried about how to manage a patient with triplets. He’s concerned about me… “You’re so little! Where are you going to put them? You’re only 5’1″!!” (5’1″ is a bit of a stretch, by the way…. and by little he meant short, not you know, little) He actually seemed to think that was one of the biggest problems with me having triplets. He said with as short as I am (and therefore, I have a shorter torso/abdomen) I’d be lucky to have 3 pound babies. He wasn’t saying it’s impossible. He wasn’t saying I should reduce. He was very clear that the absolute biggest problem I’m going to have is managing pre-term labor. If I make it to 32 weeks, he said, I’ll be lucky. He warned that if I went into preterm labor too early, I could lose all three (a thought that I’ve definitely had myself).

Typing it out, it sounds as though he was cruel, but that’s not how it came across. He was concerned. He knew I’d already had an unexplained 12 week loss. He was worried that I’m facing a potentially enormous loss. He also wanted to make sure that I understood the importance of following whatever instructions I’m given regarding activity level in this pregnancy. He was very clear that I wouldn’t be likely to avoid bedrest and he confirmed that I can definitely count on not working after I get to 20 weeks. That’s three months from now. That’s frightening.

I really don’t want to tell my manager or client about the pregnancy before I get to 12 or 13 weeks (remember that 12 week miscarriage? Yeah…), which would basically give only 2 months notice of my imminent disappearance. I wouldn’t normally feel badly about this, except it will take probably 3-4 months to find a replacement for me. I’m in a field with far more jobs than professionals (good for me, bad for my client) and it’s quite difficult to find folks who are looking for jobs in my field right now. I have six years experience, which doesn’t sound like much, but it meant a very short learning curve for me when I got here. If I’d come in with 2-3 years experience, I would have had a very steep learning curve. But I digress…

Dr. B. said he didn’t want to discuss reduction with me. He recognized that I first need to speak with my Rabbi (appointment set up for Sunday evening, time TBD). And he also recognized that it was more important that I speak with the perinatologist about the risk/benefit involved. He wanted me to go talk to Dr. P (the perinatologist) about what I could expect with a triplet pregnancy, what my specific health risks are, and so on. I should return the week after I see Dr. P. and we’ll talk about how to proceed.

Assuming I don’t reduce and all three embryos make it (which I can’t entirely count on, either), I asked how I could expect my care to be managed. Dr. B. emphasized that I would be seen far more often than if I had a singleton. He said that I would probably see Dr. P. as much as I see the OB practice, if not more. My care would be managed jointly, which I’m comfortable with. It was obvious that Dr. B. would defer to the perinatologist for critical care decisions and that his own role would essentially be to monitor growth and development. Both doctors would likely be at the delivery. I have a guaranteed C-section. No possibility that they will allow me to attempt to deliver vaginally. While occasionally doctors will allow an attempt at a vaginal delivery for triplets, it’s rare, and Dr. B said for me, the risk would be too great to warrant even attempting it. He reminded me that I don’t have a lot of room for babies to grow and that even if I’d managed to deliver one vaginally, I’d most certainly end up with a c-section for one or more. Safer bet, he says, to skip the risk all together, particularly given that odds are high that I’ll be in preterm labor, which has enough problems already.

I know it sounds like he was being all kinds of alarmist, but he wasn’t. He was comfortable with the possibility of managing my care with triplets, but obviously concerned about my ability to carry triplets safely and optimally.

I’m scared. I don’t want to reduce, because I’m afraid I’d be doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know I would love all of my babies. But what if they don’t make it? What if I don’t? How am I going to take care of three babies while recovering from a C-section? C-section recoveries are far worse after prolonged bedrest, which I can count on. I’m really scared. I’m not concerned that I won’t get appropriate medical care. I have full faith in my OB and I know I will receive excellent care from him and from the perinatologist. I also know that the greatest risk I’m facing is preterm labor. Dangerously pre-term. I’m terrified.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 8 Comments »

How to Freak Out Your OB

March 23, 2007 by chezperky

So the OB/GYN practice I go to has a rather extensive website, including pictures and bios of all the doctors/midwives. The bios say where the doctor went to school, what their special medical interests are, and if they're married and/or have kids they note that too (I guess for the personal touch). My OB, in case you were dying to know, is married with three kids. Among his medical interests is "high risk obstetrics." So Dr. B came in to talk to me and said, "wow, you just don't do anything half-way, do you?" (No, in fact, my last pregnancy made it a third of the way, so I didn't even do THAT halfway!)

"Well, I see that you're interested in high risk obstetrics, so I figure I'm doing you a favor!"
"Wow. Yeah. So, what happened?"

I gave him the history of the cycle, how it was almost cancelled, how IUI was supposed to avoid the cost, invasiveness and trauma of IVF (and look where it got me!), that we've got three little heartbeats. Lovely. He freaked the heck out. I mean, he was calmish, but very clear that this was not an ideal situation in his book. He's delivered healthy successful triplets before. He's not worried about how to manage a patient with triplets. He's concerned about me… "You're so little! Where are you going to put them? You're only 5'1"!!" (5'1" is a bit of a stretch, by the way…. and by little he meant short, not you know, little) He actually seemed to think that was one of the biggest problems with me having triplets. He said with as short as I am (and therefore, I have a shorter torso/abdomen) I'd be lucky to have 3 pound babies. He wasn't saying it's impossible. He wasn't saying I should reduce. He was very clear that the absolute biggest problem I'm going to have is managing pre-term labor. If I make it to 32 weeks, he said, I'll be lucky. He warned that if I went into preterm labor too early, I could lose all three (a thought that I've definitely had myself).

Typing it out, it sounds as though he was cruel, but that's not how it came across. He was concerned. He knew I'd already had an unexplained 12 week loss. He was worried that I'm facing a potentially enormous loss. He also wanted to make sure that I understood the importance of following whatever instructions I'm given regarding activity level in this pregnancy. He was very clear that I wouldn't be likely to avoid bedrest and he confirmed that I can definitely count on not working after I get to 20 weeks. That's three months from now. That's frightening.

I really don't want to tell my manager or client about the pregnancy before I get to 12 or 13 weeks (remember that 12 week miscarriage? Yeah…), which would basically give only 2 months notice of my imminent disappearance. I wouldn't normally feel badly about this, except it will take probably 3-4 months to find a replacement for me. I'm in a field with far more jobs than professionals (good for me, bad for my client) and it's quite difficult to find folks who are looking for jobs in my field right now. I have six years experience, which doesn't sound like much, but it meant a very short learning curve for me when I got here. If I'd come in with 2-3 years experience, I would have had a very steep learning curve. But I digress…

Dr. B. said he didn't want to discuss reduction with me. He recognized that I first need to speak with my Rabbi (appointment set up for Sunday evening, time TBD). And he also recognized that it was more important that I speak with the perinatologist about the risk/benefit involved. He wanted me to go talk to Dr. P (the perinatologist) about what I could expect with a triplet pregnancy, what my specific health risks are, and so on. I should return the week after I see Dr. P. and we'll talk about how to proceed.

Assuming I don't reduce and all three embryos make it (which I can't entirely count on, either), I asked how I could expect my care to be managed. Dr. B. emphasized that I would be seen far more often than if I had a singleton. He said that I would probably see Dr. P. as much as I see the OB practice, if not more. My care would be managed jointly, which I'm comfortable with. It was obvious that Dr. B. would defer to the perinatologist for critical care decisions and that his own role would essentially be to monitor growth and development. Both doctors would likely be at the delivery. I have a guaranteed C-section. No possibility that they will allow me to attempt to deliver vaginally. While occasionally doctors will allow an attempt at a vaginal delivery for triplets, it's rare, and Dr. B said for me, the risk would be too great to warrant even attempting it. He reminded me that I don't have a lot of room for babies to grow and that even if I'd managed to deliver one vaginally, I'd most certainly end up with a c-section for one or more. Safer bet, he says, to skip the risk all together, particularly given that odds are high that I'll be in preterm labor, which has enough problems already.

I know it sounds like he was being all kinds of alarmist, but he wasn't. He was comfortable with the possibility of managing my care with triplets, but obviously concerned about my ability to carry triplets safely and optimally.

I'm scared. I don't want to reduce, because I'm afraid I'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know I would love all of my babies. But what if they don't make it? What if I don't? How am I going to take care of three babies while recovering from a C-section? C-section recoveries are far worse after prolonged bedrest, which I can count on. I'm really scared. I'm not concerned that I won't get appropriate medical care. I have full faith in my OB and I know I will receive excellent care from him and from the perinatologist. I also know that the greatest risk I'm facing is preterm labor. Dangerously pre-term. I'm terrified.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 4 Comments »

How to Freak Out Your OB

March 23, 2007 by chezperky

So the OB/GYN practice I go to has a rather extensive website, including pictures and bios of all the doctors/midwives. The bios say where the doctor went to school, what their special medical interests are, and if they're married and/or have kids they note that too (I guess for the personal touch). My OB, in case you were dying to know, is married with three kids. Among his medical interests is "high risk obstetrics." So Dr. B came in to talk to me and said, "wow, you just don't do anything half-way, do you?" (No, in fact, my last pregnancy made it a third of the way, so I didn't even do THAT halfway!)

"Well, I see that you're interested in high risk obstetrics, so I figure I'm doing you a favor!"
"Wow. Yeah. So, what happened?"

I gave him the history of the cycle, how it was almost cancelled, how IUI was supposed to avoid the cost, invasiveness and trauma of IVF (and look where it got me!), that we've got three little heartbeats. Lovely. He freaked the heck out. I mean, he was calmish, but very clear that this was not an ideal situation in his book. He's delivered healthy successful triplets before. He's not worried about how to manage a patient with triplets. He's concerned about me… "You're so little! Where are you going to put them? You're only 5'1"!!" (5'1" is a bit of a stretch, by the way…. and by little he meant short, not you know, little) He actually seemed to think that was one of the biggest problems with me having triplets. He said with as short as I am (and therefore, I have a shorter torso/abdomen) I'd be lucky to have 3 pound babies. He wasn't saying it's impossible. He wasn't saying I should reduce. He was very clear that the absolute biggest problem I'm going to have is managing pre-term labor. If I make it to 32 weeks, he said, I'll be lucky. He warned that if I went into preterm labor too early, I could lose all three (a thought that I've definitely had myself).

Typing it out, it sounds as though he was cruel, but that's not how it came across. He was concerned. He knew I'd already had an unexplained 12 week loss. He was worried that I'm facing a potentially enormous loss. He also wanted to make sure that I understood the importance of following whatever instructions I'm given regarding activity level in this pregnancy. He was very clear that I wouldn't be likely to avoid bedrest and he confirmed that I can definitely count on not working after I get to 20 weeks. That's three months from now. That's frightening.

I really don't want to tell my manager or client about the pregnancy before I get to 12 or 13 weeks (remember that 12 week miscarriage? Yeah…), which would basically give only 2 months notice of my imminent disappearance. I wouldn't normally feel badly about this, except it will take probably 3-4 months to find a replacement for me. I'm in a field with far more jobs than professionals (good for me, bad for my client) and it's quite difficult to find folks who are looking for jobs in my field right now. I have six years experience, which doesn't sound like much, but it meant a very short learning curve for me when I got here. If I'd come in with 2-3 years experience, I would have had a very steep learning curve. But I digress…

Dr. B. said he didn't want to discuss reduction with me. He recognized that I first need to speak with my Rabbi (appointment set up for Sunday evening, time TBD). And he also recognized that it was more important that I speak with the perinatologist about the risk/benefit involved. He wanted me to go talk to Dr. P (the perinatologist) about what I could expect with a triplet pregnancy, what my specific health risks are, and so on. I should return the week after I see Dr. P. and we'll talk about how to proceed.

Assuming I don't reduce and all three embryos make it (which I can't entirely count on, either), I asked how I could expect my care to be managed. Dr. B. emphasized that I would be seen far more often than if I had a singleton. He said that I would probably see Dr. P. as much as I see the OB practice, if not more. My care would be managed jointly, which I'm comfortable with. It was obvious that Dr. B. would defer to the perinatologist for critical care decisions and that his own role would essentially be to monitor growth and development. Both doctors would likely be at the delivery. I have a guaranteed C-section. No possibility that they will allow me to attempt to deliver vaginally. While occasionally doctors will allow an attempt at a vaginal delivery for triplets, it's rare, and Dr. B said for me, the risk would be too great to warrant even attempting it. He reminded me that I don't have a lot of room for babies to grow and that even if I'd managed to deliver one vaginally, I'd most certainly end up with a c-section for one or more. Safer bet, he says, to skip the risk all together, particularly given that odds are high that I'll be in preterm labor, which has enough problems already.

I know it sounds like he was being all kinds of alarmist, but he wasn't. He was comfortable with the possibility of managing my care with triplets, but obviously concerned about my ability to carry triplets safely and optimally.

I'm scared. I don't want to reduce, because I'm afraid I'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know I would love all of my babies. But what if they don't make it? What if I don't? How am I going to take care of three babies while recovering from a C-section? C-section recoveries are far worse after prolonged bedrest, which I can count on. I'm really scared. I'm not concerned that I won't get appropriate medical care. I have full faith in my OB and I know I will receive excellent care from him and from the perinatologist. I also know that the greatest risk I'm facing is preterm labor. Dangerously pre-term. I'm terrified.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 8 Comments »

FAQs

March 22, 2007 by chezperky

NOTE: I don’t know why this originally posted with comments disallowed; it’s certainly not my default setting and I didn’t change it when writing the post, either. Anyway, the problem is fixed.

I’ve gotten a bunch of questions recently, some via email, some via my other blog (yes, I’m a two-timer! but I write very little about infertility over there). Technically, they’re not Frequently asked questions… just questions that have been asked, so I hope you’ll excuse my rather liberal use of the term “FAQ” in this case. I’ll paraphrase the questions and provide my answers:

1. Oh my gawd, you’re having triplets??? What were you thinking, you idiot!?
Okay, I told you I’d be paraphrasing. This question came from someone who essentially implied that I was irresponsible about my infertility treatment. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, to be honest. I certainly had no intention of having triplets. I put MY order in for a singleton, but since God* and I haven’t been on the best of speaking terms since my miscarriage in October*, I think the message got garbled. “Please God, bless me with a child” somehow got translated to, “That whiny bitch*** down there keeps asking for stuff… let’s make her careful what she wishes for next time.”

2. Oh my gawd! How could you say such a thing! Aren’t you grateful you’ve got triplets? I mean, isn’t this the infertility jackpot??
Grateful? Sure. I’m grateful I got pregnant. I’m grateful I’m probably going to end up with a baby come… um, well, I’m due in November, but we’re probably looking at September if this stays triplets, and holy hell, NO I’M NOT GRATEFUL to be looking at the prospect of delivering 32 week preemies. Three of them. Three helpless little babies who can’t survive outside of the NICU. I’m not grateful for that. Infertility Jackpot my ass****. To me, this is actually the Infertility Nightmare. Go from spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant to spending tens of thousands of dollars on a severely high risk pregnancy and delivery. This is your idea of a jackpot? I think not. Yes, I’ll have three babies, IF this makes it that far. And yes, that’s a bracha (blessing) times three. And yes, once they’re here, I’ll love them all no matter how many there are. But mostly, I’m terrified of the toll it’s going to take to get there.

3. Oh my gawd!***** You’re an Orthodox Jew? How could you even CONSIDER reduction? It’s not muttar! It’s akin to abortion! It’s a chilul Hashem! If you must consider it, you certainly shouldn’t be advertising it! Have you talked to your Rav (Rabbi)? He’ll tell you why it’s not okay! Please don’t do this without talking to your Rav!
Ahem. Oh you think I’m exaggerating? Um, maybe a tiny bit, but not as much as you might think. And if you didn’t understand all that Jewtalk in that question… well, you’re probably lucky. Let’s start with the first part. Yes, I’m an Orthodox Jew. I can still consider reduction. Here’s how: Halacha (the body of Jewish Law) does not blindly condone reduction, but it is not a black-and-white issue in halacha either. I didn’t go into this cycle with a reasonable expectation that I’d come out with triplets (while, if in an IVF cycle I’d transferred three brilliant embryos… it would be fair to say that it was a reasonable possibility that I’d end up with triplets). That’s part one.

Part two is consideration of the specific medical circumstances. I don’t know how much my medical history is going to come into play with this, but I would be irresponsible if I didn’t consider it. I had a stroke (minor, yes, but not to be ignored) when I was 23. I have a very small hole in my heart that isn’t usually problemmatic, but if I developed blood clots, could be very dangerous (i.e. leading to another stroke). I have a plethora of lesser ailments, but those two are at the top of my list. So yes, I will meet with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist (whom I will have to see regardless of whether I’m considering reduction, since this is defined as a high risk pregnancy already). I will meet with the doctor and I will ask him what I am to expect of a triplet pregnancy with my medical history. I will ask him whether there is a significant risk to me or the babies by the simple existence of triplets. I will assume that basically the answer will be that I CAN safely carry triplets, but will have to be monitored carefully. If that is the case, obviously, reduction is out of the question.

Yes, I’m fully aware that I need to speak with my Rav. Yes, I’ve told him I need a meeting with him before Pesach. I am waiting for him to find a time that works for both of us. I will absolutely make no decisions on how this pregnancy will progress without consulting with my Rav. I have several weeks before that decision would even come into play regardless. Seriously, if you’re that concerned about me following halacha, you have way too much time on your hands.

4. Oh my gawd!!!! I knew it! I just knew it when you triggered early with all those follicles, I absolutely knew you were going to have triplets. And when your beta came back so high (228), it was obvious you were having twins or triplets.
No you didn’t. You did not know I was going to have triplets. You are not smarter than my doctors. You are not omniscient. The high beta was still well within normal (right smack at average, actually) limits for a singleton. It was around average for twins, too. You may have thought it was high, but it wasn’t unbelievably, alarmingly high. You did not know when I triggered that I would have triplets. If anyone could have known that, I wouldn’t have triggered, I wouldn’t have done IUI and I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I would have been on birth control pills right now awaiting my IVF cycle start. That was the plan, remember? Ironically, odds are good that if I’d had IVF, I would not have ended up with triplets.

5. You sound awfully upset about this triplet thing. Aren’t you happy?
Happy? Sure. I’m ecstatic. And terrified. I’m thrilled. And scared. I want all three! I’m terrified to have all three! Yes, I’m upset. It’s not because I don’t want all three children. I couldn’t be more thrilled to have three children (though I do wish they wouldn’t all come at once!). I’m upset because there is so much to lose. If I lose one now, I don’t think it will be any easier than any other loss, even though there are “back ups.” I am petrified. If you think you wouldn’t be petrified, well, you’ve never found yourself pregnant with triplets.

6. You don’t know that they’ll all make it… so what are you worried about?
I’m worried that they won’t all make it. I’m worried that they will all make it. I’m worried that they’ll all make it and someday one of them will discover that sometimes I hoped they wouldn’t all make it, even though I’ll love them all no matter what. I’m worried that going through a triplet pregnancy will take an irreparable toll on my body. I’m worried that they’ll all survive the pregnancy, but not survive the NICU. I’m worried about paying for Jewish Day School tuition for three kids simultaneously. I’m worried about 3 simultaneous college tuitions. I’m worried I won’t be a good enough mom to three kids of the same age. I’m worried that J (my foster son) will be outnumbered immediately. I’m worried that I won’t be able to nurse my children. I’m worried that I’ll get sick and not be able to take care of them. I’m worried that I’ll never be able to go back to work, which would mean we can’t pay the mortgage, which would be bad! I’m worried that my kids will hate me. I’m worried that I won’t be the “cool” mom. I’m worried that all my friends will drop me because I’m too high maintenance. I’m worried that I’ll never see anyone ever again. So you see, plenty to worry about, most of it is irrational. I get that.

7. Oh my gawd!!!! You’re so negative! I can’t read your blog anymore!
Right. I know you aren’t going to stop reading my blog, so don’t even threaten it. After all, people love to watch train wrecks and if there’s one thing that my blog is probably going to closely resemble very soon, it’s a train wreck. Actually, I’m really not all that negative in real life. I’m pretty scared, but I am happy and I am excited and I am looking forward to meeting my baby or babies, as the case may be. I can’t wait until I can tell people. I can’t wait to watch them grow and develop. In some ways, I must grudgingly admit, this IS like hitting the infertility jackpot. Even if it IS terrifying.

*****
There are a few more questions, but I’m tired right now (shock of shocks), and I need to lay down. I’m happy to answer any other questions if you email or comment.
*****

———————-
* No, I don’t do the G -dash- D thing. It drives me crazy. First of all, I’m typing onto the internet, which means this isn’t a permanent writing. But far more importantly, God isn’t the proper name of, well, God. Sometimes I write “Hashem” to avoid the whole debate, but I get that most people who read my blog aren’t Jewish and probably won’t understand “Hashem” but perfectly well understand the name “God.” I see no reason to apologize for my lack of a dash, but people get all prickly about it, so I may as well.

**Actually, I’d started talking to God again recently… of course my foster son thinks God is shaped like a ceiling fan, since most of my conversations with God involve sarcastic comments that I make toward the ceiling (and consequently the ceiling fan). Anyway, ever since the triplet thing came up, I’ve been ambivalent, but I think I’m back to the silent treatment. My friend S (a rebbetzin) says it’s okay that I’m not speaking to God, because (AND I QUOTE!) “God hears you not talking to Him.” Well, that just ticked me off so I started talking to Him again, just so He’d stop being so self-righteous about it, and look where it got me! Triplets! Serves me right.

***Oh right. I’m an Orthodox Jew. Probably not so lovely for me to be swearing and cursing all over the place, and I try to keep it to a minimum (in writing, anyway, I have the mouth of a sailor), but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Got it?

****See above.

*****Yeah, all the emails start out that way. Okay, not really, but it’s funnier my way, okay? Believe me, I’ve gotten some caring, loving, concerned, beautiful emails from people, but I get a lot of wretched, cruel, unfunny ones too. Plus, any excuse for yet another footnote, right?

Posted in FAQ, triplets? | 11 Comments »

FAQs

March 22, 2007 by chezperky

NOTE: I don't know why this originally posted with comments disallowed; it's certainly not my default setting and I didn't change it when writing the post, either. Anyway, the problem is fixed.

I've gotten a bunch of questions recently, some via email, some via my other blog (yes, I'm a two-timer! but I write very little about infertility over there). Technically, they're not Frequently asked questions… just questions that have been asked, so I hope you'll excuse my rather liberal use of the term "FAQ" in this case. I'll paraphrase the questions and provide my answers:

1. Oh my gawd, you're having triplets??? What were you thinking, you idiot!?
Okay, I told you I'd be paraphrasing. This question came from someone who essentially implied that I was irresponsible about my infertility treatment. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, to be honest. I certainly had no intention of having triplets. I put MY order in for a singleton, but since God* and I haven't been on the best of speaking terms since my miscarriage in October*, I think the message got garbled. "Please God, bless me with a child" somehow got translated to, "That whiny bitch*** down there keeps asking for stuff… let's make her careful what she wishes for next time."

2. Oh my gawd! How could you say such a thing! Aren't you grateful you've got triplets? I mean, isn't this the infertility jackpot??
Grateful? Sure. I'm grateful I got pregnant. I'm grateful I'm probably going to end up with a baby come… um, well, I'm due in November, but we're probably looking at September if this stays triplets, and holy hell, NO I'M NOT GRATEFUL to be looking at the prospect of delivering 32 week preemies. Three of them. Three helpless little babies who can't survive outside of the NICU. I'm not grateful for that. Infertility Jackpot my ass****. To me, this is actually the Infertility Nightmare. Go from spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant to spending tens of thousands of dollars on a severely high risk pregnancy and delivery. This is your idea of a jackpot? I think not. Yes, I'll have three babies, IF this makes it that far. And yes, that's a bracha (blessing) times three. And yes, once they're here, I'll love them all no matter how many there are. But mostly, I'm terrified of the toll it's going to take to get there.

3. Oh my gawd!***** You're an Orthodox Jew? How could you even CONSIDER reduction? It's not muttar! It's akin to abortion! It's a chilul Hashem! If you must consider it, you certainly shouldn't be advertising it! Have you talked to your Rav (Rabbi)? He'll tell you why it's not okay! Please don't do this without talking to your Rav!
Ahem. Oh you think I'm exaggerating? Um, maybe a tiny bit, but not as much as you might think. And if you didn't understand all that Jewtalk in that question… well, you're probably lucky. Let's start with the first part. Yes, I'm an Orthodox Jew. I can still consider reduction. Here's how: Halacha (the body of Jewish Law) does not blindly condone reduction, but it is not a black-and-white issue in halacha either. I didn't go into this cycle with a reasonable expectation that I'd come out with triplets (while, if in an IVF cycle I'd transferred three brilliant embryos… it would be fair to say that it was a reasonable possibility that I'd end up with triplets). That's part one.

Part two is consideration of the specific medical circumstances. I don't know how much my medical history is going to come into play with this, but I would be irresponsible if I didn't consider it. I had a stroke (minor, yes, but not to be ignored) when I was 23. I have a very small hole in my heart that isn't usually problemmatic, but if I developed blood clots, could be very dangerous (i.e. leading to another stroke). I have a plethora of lesser ailments, but those two are at the top of my list. So yes, I will meet with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist (whom I will have to see regardless of whether I'm considering reduction, since this is defined as a high risk pregnancy already). I will meet with the doctor and I will ask him what I am to expect of a triplet pregnancy with my medical history. I will ask him whether there is a significant risk to me or the babies by the simple existence of triplets. I will assume that basically the answer will be that I CAN safely carry triplets, but will have to be monitored carefully. If that is the case, obviously, reduction is out of the question.

Yes, I'm fully aware that I need to speak with my Rav. Yes, I've told him I need a meeting with him before Pesach. I am waiting for him to find a time that works for both of us. I will absolutely make no decisions on how this pregnancy will progress without consulting with my Rav. I have several weeks before that decision would even come into play regardless. Seriously, if you're that concerned about me following halacha, you have way too much time on your hands.

4. Oh my gawd!!!! I knew it! I just knew it when you triggered early with all those follicles, I absolutely knew you were going to have triplets. And when your beta came back so high (228), it was obvious you were having twins or triplets.
No you didn't. You did not know I was going to have triplets. You are not smarter than my doctors. You are not omniscient. The high beta was still well within normal (right smack at average, actually) limits for a singleton. It was around average for twins, too. You may have thought it was high, but it wasn't unbelievably, alarmingly high. You did not know when I triggered that I would have triplets. If anyone could have known that, I wouldn't have triggered, I wouldn't have done IUI and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I would have been on birth control pills right now awaiting my IVF cycle start. That was the plan, remember? Ironically, odds are good that if I'd had IVF, I would not have ended up with triplets.

5. You sound awfully upset about this triplet thing. Aren't you happy?
Happy? Sure. I'm ecstatic. And terrified. I'm thrilled. And scared. I want all three! I'm terrified to have all three! Yes, I'm upset. It's not because I don't want all three children. I couldn't be more thrilled to have three children (though I do wish they wouldn't all come at once!). I'm upset because there is so much to lose. If I lose one now, I don't think it will be any easier than any other loss, even though there are "back ups." I am petrified. If you think you wouldn't be petrified, well, you've never found yourself pregnant with triplets.

6. You don't know that they'll all make it… so what are you worried about?
I'm worried that they won't all make it. I'm worried that they will all make it. I'm worried that they'll all make it and someday one of them will discover that sometimes I hoped they wouldn't all make it, even though I'll love them all no matter what. I'm worried that going through a triplet pregnancy will take an irreparable toll on my body. I'm worried that they'll all survive the pregnancy, but not survive the NICU. I'm worried about paying for Jewish Day School tuition for three kids simultaneously. I'm worried about 3 simultaneous college tuitions. I'm worried I won't be a good enough mom to three kids of the same age. I'm worried that J (my foster son) will be outnumbered immediately. I'm worried that I won't be able to nurse my children. I'm worried that I'll get sick and not be able to take care of them. I'm worried that I'll never be able to go back to work, which would mean we can't pay the mortgage, which would be bad! I'm worried that my kids will hate me. I'm worried that I won't be the "cool" mom. I'm worried that all my friends will drop me because I'm too high maintenance. I'm worried that I'll never see anyone ever again. So you see, plenty to worry about, most of it is irrational. I get that.

7. Oh my gawd!!!! You're so negative! I can't read your blog anymore!
Right. I know you aren't going to stop reading my blog, so don't even threaten it. After all, people love to watch train wrecks and if there's one thing that my blog is probably going to closely resemble very soon, it's a train wreck. Actually, I'm really not all that negative in real life. I'm pretty scared, but I am happy and I am excited and I am looking forward to meeting my baby or babies, as the case may be. I can't wait until I can tell people. I can't wait to watch them grow and develop. In some ways, I must grudgingly admit, this IS like hitting the infertility jackpot. Even if it IS terrifying.

*****
There are a few more questions, but I'm tired right now (shock of shocks), and I need to lay down. I'm happy to answer any other questions if you email or comment.
*****

———————-
* No, I don't do the G -dash- D thing. It drives me crazy. First of all, I'm typing onto the internet, which means this isn't a permanent writing. But far more importantly, God isn't the proper name of, well, God. Sometimes I write "Hashem" to avoid the whole debate, but I get that most people who read my blog aren't Jewish and probably won't understand "Hashem" but perfectly well understand the name "God." I see no reason to apologize for my lack of a dash, but people get all prickly about it, so I may as well.

**Actually, I'd started talking to God again recently… of course my foster son thinks God is shaped like a ceiling fan, since most of my conversations with God involve sarcastic comments that I make toward the ceiling (and consequently the ceiling fan). Anyway, ever since the triplet thing came up, I've been ambivalent, but I think I'm back to the silent treatment. My friend S (a rebbetzin) says it's okay that I'm not speaking to God, because (AND I QUOTE!) "God hears you not talking to Him." Well, that just ticked me off so I started talking to Him again, just so He'd stop being so self-righteous about it, and look where it got me! Triplets! Serves me right.

***Oh right. I'm an Orthodox Jew. Probably not so lovely for me to be swearing and cursing all over the place, and I try to keep it to a minimum (in writing, anyway, I have the mouth of a sailor), but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Got it?

****See above.

*****Yeah, all the emails start out that way. Okay, not really, but it's funnier my way, okay? Believe me, I've gotten some caring, loving, concerned, beautiful emails from people, but I get a lot of wretched, cruel, unfunny ones too. Plus, any excuse for yet another footnote, right?

Posted in FAQ, triplets? | 4 Comments »

FAQs

March 22, 2007 by chezperky

NOTE: I don't know why this originally posted with comments disallowed; it's certainly not my default setting and I didn't change it when writing the post, either. Anyway, the problem is fixed.

I've gotten a bunch of questions recently, some via email, some via my other blog (yes, I'm a two-timer! but I write very little about infertility over there). Technically, they're not Frequently asked questions… just questions that have been asked, so I hope you'll excuse my rather liberal use of the term "FAQ" in this case. I'll paraphrase the questions and provide my answers:

1. Oh my gawd, you're having triplets??? What were you thinking, you idiot!?
Okay, I told you I'd be paraphrasing. This question came from someone who essentially implied that I was irresponsible about my infertility treatment. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, to be honest. I certainly had no intention of having triplets. I put MY order in for a singleton, but since God* and I haven't been on the best of speaking terms since my miscarriage in October*, I think the message got garbled. "Please God, bless me with a child" somehow got translated to, "That whiny bitch*** down there keeps asking for stuff… let's make her careful what she wishes for next time."

2. Oh my gawd! How could you say such a thing! Aren't you grateful you've got triplets? I mean, isn't this the infertility jackpot??
Grateful? Sure. I'm grateful I got pregnant. I'm grateful I'm probably going to end up with a baby come… um, well, I'm due in November, but we're probably looking at September if this stays triplets, and holy hell, NO I'M NOT GRATEFUL to be looking at the prospect of delivering 32 week preemies. Three of them. Three helpless little babies who can't survive outside of the NICU. I'm not grateful for that. Infertility Jackpot my ass****. To me, this is actually the Infertility Nightmare. Go from spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant to spending tens of thousands of dollars on a severely high risk pregnancy and delivery. This is your idea of a jackpot? I think not. Yes, I'll have three babies, IF this makes it that far. And yes, that's a bracha (blessing) times three. And yes, once they're here, I'll love them all no matter how many there are. But mostly, I'm terrified of the toll it's going to take to get there.

3. Oh my gawd!***** You're an Orthodox Jew? How could you even CONSIDER reduction? It's not muttar! It's akin to abortion! It's a chilul Hashem! If you must consider it, you certainly shouldn't be advertising it! Have you talked to your Rav (Rabbi)? He'll tell you why it's not okay! Please don't do this without talking to your Rav!
Ahem. Oh you think I'm exaggerating? Um, maybe a tiny bit, but not as much as you might think. And if you didn't understand all that Jewtalk in that question… well, you're probably lucky. Let's start with the first part. Yes, I'm an Orthodox Jew. I can still consider reduction. Here's how: Halacha (the body of Jewish Law) does not blindly condone reduction, but it is not a black-and-white issue in halacha either. I didn't go into this cycle with a reasonable expectation that I'd come out with triplets (while, if in an IVF cycle I'd transferred three brilliant embryos… it would be fair to say that it was a reasonable possibility that I'd end up with triplets). That's part one.

Part two is consideration of the specific medical circumstances. I don't know how much my medical history is going to come into play with this, but I would be irresponsible if I didn't consider it. I had a stroke (minor, yes, but not to be ignored) when I was 23. I have a very small hole in my heart that isn't usually problemmatic, but if I developed blood clots, could be very dangerous (i.e. leading to another stroke). I have a plethora of lesser ailments, but those two are at the top of my list. So yes, I will meet with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist (whom I will have to see regardless of whether I'm considering reduction, since this is defined as a high risk pregnancy already). I will meet with the doctor and I will ask him what I am to expect of a triplet pregnancy with my medical history. I will ask him whether there is a significant risk to me or the babies by the simple existence of triplets. I will assume that basically the answer will be that I CAN safely carry triplets, but will have to be monitored carefully. If that is the case, obviously, reduction is out of the question.

Yes, I'm fully aware that I need to speak with my Rav. Yes, I've told him I need a meeting with him before Pesach. I am waiting for him to find a time that works for both of us. I will absolutely make no decisions on how this pregnancy will progress without consulting with my Rav. I have several weeks before that decision would even come into play regardless. Seriously, if you're that concerned about me following halacha, you have way too much time on your hands.

4. Oh my gawd!!!! I knew it! I just knew it when you triggered early with all those follicles, I absolutely knew you were going to have triplets. And when your beta came back so high (228), it was obvious you were having twins or triplets.
No you didn't. You did not know I was going to have triplets. You are not smarter than my doctors. You are not omniscient. The high beta was still well within normal (right smack at average, actually) limits for a singleton. It was around average for twins, too. You may have thought it was high, but it wasn't unbelievably, alarmingly high. You did not know when I triggered that I would have triplets. If anyone could have known that, I wouldn't have triggered, I wouldn't have done IUI and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I would have been on birth control pills right now awaiting my IVF cycle start. That was the plan, remember? Ironically, odds are good that if I'd had IVF, I would not have ended up with triplets.

5. You sound awfully upset about this triplet thing. Aren't you happy?
Happy? Sure. I'm ecstatic. And terrified. I'm thrilled. And scared. I want all three! I'm terrified to have all three! Yes, I'm upset. It's not because I don't want all three children. I couldn't be more thrilled to have three children (though I do wish they wouldn't all come at once!). I'm upset because there is so much to lose. If I lose one now, I don't think it will be any easier than any other loss, even though there are "back ups." I am petrified. If you think you wouldn't be petrified, well, you've never found yourself pregnant with triplets.

6. You don't know that they'll all make it… so what are you worried about?
I'm worried that they won't all make it. I'm worried that they will all make it. I'm worried that they'll all make it and someday one of them will discover that sometimes I hoped they wouldn't all make it, even though I'll love them all no matter what. I'm worried that going through a triplet pregnancy will take an irreparable toll on my body. I'm worried that they'll all survive the pregnancy, but not survive the NICU. I'm worried about paying for Jewish Day School tuition for three kids simultaneously. I'm worried about 3 simultaneous college tuitions. I'm worried I won't be a good enough mom to three kids of the same age. I'm worried that J (my foster son) will be outnumbered immediately. I'm worried that I won't be able to nurse my children. I'm worried that I'll get sick and not be able to take care of them. I'm worried that I'll never be able to go back to work, which would mean we can't pay the mortgage, which would be bad! I'm worried that my kids will hate me. I'm worried that I won't be the "cool" mom. I'm worried that all my friends will drop me because I'm too high maintenance. I'm worried that I'll never see anyone ever again. So you see, plenty to worry about, most of it is irrational. I get that.

7. Oh my gawd!!!! You're so negative! I can't read your blog anymore!
Right. I know you aren't going to stop reading my blog, so don't even threaten it. After all, people love to watch train wrecks and if there's one thing that my blog is probably going to closely resemble very soon, it's a train wreck. Actually, I'm really not all that negative in real life. I'm pretty scared, but I am happy and I am excited and I am looking forward to meeting my baby or babies, as the case may be. I can't wait until I can tell people. I can't wait to watch them grow and develop. In some ways, I must grudgingly admit, this IS like hitting the infertility jackpot. Even if it IS terrifying.

*****
There are a few more questions, but I'm tired right now (shock of shocks), and I need to lay down. I'm happy to answer any other questions if you email or comment.
*****

———————-
* No, I don't do the G -dash- D thing. It drives me crazy. First of all, I'm typing onto the internet, which means this isn't a permanent writing. But far more importantly, God isn't the proper name of, well, God. Sometimes I write "Hashem" to avoid the whole debate, but I get that most people who read my blog aren't Jewish and probably won't understand "Hashem" but perfectly well understand the name "God." I see no reason to apologize for my lack of a dash, but people get all prickly about it, so I may as well.

**Actually, I'd started talking to God again recently… of course my foster son thinks God is shaped like a ceiling fan, since most of my conversations with God involve sarcastic comments that I make toward the ceiling (and consequently the ceiling fan). Anyway, ever since the triplet thing came up, I've been ambivalent, but I think I'm back to the silent treatment. My friend S (a rebbetzin) says it's okay that I'm not speaking to God, because (AND I QUOTE!) "God hears you not talking to Him." Well, that just ticked me off so I started talking to Him again, just so He'd stop being so self-righteous about it, and look where it got me! Triplets! Serves me right.

***Oh right. I'm an Orthodox Jew. Probably not so lovely for me to be swearing and cursing all over the place, and I try to keep it to a minimum (in writing, anyway, I have the mouth of a sailor), but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Got it?

****See above.

*****Yeah, all the emails start out that way. Okay, not really, but it's funnier my way, okay? Believe me, I've gotten some caring, loving, concerned, beautiful emails from people, but I get a lot of wretched, cruel, unfunny ones too. Plus, any excuse for yet another footnote, right?

Posted in FAQ, triplets? | 8 Comments »

But really, how am I?

March 20, 2007 by chezperky

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I’m not even entirely sure why. It really doesn’t make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I’ve got a quick temper, but I’m not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won’t. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won’t. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don’t have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn’t so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word “triplets” and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word “triplets” and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I’m not sure how I feel about it, I’m really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That’s several hours before Passover, but I can’t put it off much longer than that anyway. So I’ll just have to make sure I’m completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that’s where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I’m not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I’m not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what’s going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don’t like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that’s really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I’m trying not to think about it too much, until I’ve got all the information before me.

One thing’s for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I’m not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I’ll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I’m going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven’t been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn’t much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I’m still bleeding, but I’ve decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it’s light spotting, sometimes it’s heavy. It hasn’t changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just “what I do” when I’m pregnant. Someday I’d like to know WHY I do this, but for now it’s not important.
2. I’m not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I’m a bit queasy, but nothing I’d call real nausea.
3. I’m utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I’m having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it’s certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I’m down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I’m drinking.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 13 Comments »

The Little Fetbryo That Could

March 20, 2007 by chezperky

Three heartbeats today.

Three strong, beautiful heartbeats.

Dr. Amazing said we’ll take it one day at a time but if it comes to it, he’d like me to consider selective reduction. His concern, of course, is how to ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy for me, and how to maximize the odds of having healthy babies. Halachically, this is a grey area and depends on individual circumstances. Emotionally, for me, this is also a grey area. Physically, it’s very black and white. But we have a couple of weeks before we could have that conversation anyway. Dr. Amazing’s hope is that one way or another, this will result in a healthy twin pregnancy for me.

I go back in a week.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 10 Comments »

But really, how am I?

March 20, 2007 by chezperky

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 6 Comments »

But really, how am I?

March 20, 2007 by chezperky

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? | 12 Comments »

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