Ever since I've heard about this migraine study (yes, I'm still obsessing), I've found myself much more sad about infertility-related things. I think I did a pretty good job of not wallowing in my infertility before (not that there's anything wrong with wallowing!). Yes, infertility is a part of my life, but so long as I was doing something about it, I didn't feel constantly sad about it. It just was.
Now, every time I think about the migraine study (all the time), I feel like I'm going to cry. Sometimes I do. And I'm not crying about the study… my gosh, it's a dream come true! But I think about 12 months off of fertility treatment and I just want to cry. It's just not fair that there's no possibility I'll have an "oops" during that time. If I got pregnant during the study, I couldn't pretend like it wasn't intentional. How can I promise I won't get pregnant for another 12 months? Nothing I'm signing says I won't get pregnant, but if I did get pregnant, my data would be excluded from the study findings, which would be like stealing, since they still would have gone through the expense of having a $23,000 device implanted in my heart.
So yeah.
I want to do the study. But I don't think I can. Which would I regret more: giving up a chance to minimize my migraines or giving up 12 months of trying to have a baby? I'm fairly certain I would regret the latter option more. It's not a pleasant choice to make, I'll tell you that.
Yes, I'm still obsessing. Yes, I expect to change my mind a few more times before I have to make a final decision. Yes, you can expect to see more neurotic posts about this. I do have other things to write about, but I just can't get this out of my head. Every time I start to write a post, I start writing about the study instead. So bear with me.
ChezPerky 
Sorry I haven’t been around in a little while, and sorry you have to make such a horridly difficult decision. I don’t envy you. It’s like someone saying you have to loose a limb, do you want it to be your arm or your leg? Obviously both are extremely important to you.
And by they way, going back to your post about the ultrasound pictures, I don’t think there is anything wrong with keeping them and you should keep them, it is a part of your life and like you said you shouldn’t feel like the pregnancy didn’t happen.
I have one ultrasound picture from my pregnancy. It was from 8 weeks so it wasn’t real clear. Strangely I had several scans done but they only gave me a picture the first time. I kept it and put it in a cute little box that my mom got me. It’s kind of shaped like a book so I have it on my bookshelf and I put a couple little momentos from my pregnancy, including the picture.
Sometimes I think I wasn’t really pregnant and it was all just a dream so it’s nice to have something that reminds me that it was real. This may sound strange but I really wish I had the ultrasound picture from my last visit when there was no heartbeat. Since I was 17 weeks the picture was so clear and it was such a perfect little profile that I saw on the screen. They didn’t print a photo that day, so I only have it in my head, but I really wish I had a copy of it, since I have so little from my baby.
I don’t know if there is an easy answer to this situation. I can only imagine how hard this is. You are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wish there was an easy answer, but really, there isn’t. Maybe it is good if you keep posting about it, maybe it will help work through the many feelings and emotions going on right now. I really wish you luck with this decision Karen, it really is a tough one.