Stay at Home Mom. Work at Home Mom. Work outside of the Home Mom. Who has it the hardest? Everybody thinks their plight is the worst. Everyone in each of those categories thinks someone in the other catgories has it the easiest.
I’m sick to death of this debate.
To some extent, I’ve done each of these roles – in various capacities. None of them are easy. None of them are impossible. Each has its unique challenges, and each has its own rewards.
I remain firm in my rather unpopular position that no matter which role you hold at any given point in time, you are always a full time parent. My children are, above everything, my number one priority, and they know it. I work extremely hard in the job that sends home a paycheck, and I work twice as hard at my full time job as a parent.
I’m tired of hearing how much harder SAHMs have it. I’m tired of hearing how much harder working moms have it. The fact is that being a parent (Mom or Dad, these days, not just mom, thankyouverymuch… my husband works just as hard at this parenting thing as I do… mostly) these days is a challenging.
We all love our children. We all want the best for our children. We want the best schools. The best activities. The best healthcare. The best therapists, when necessary. The best friends. The best clothes. The best toys. The best everything.
When you’re a stay at home mom, especially with more than one child, but even with one at a time, you have to carefully plan how you’ll do the simplest task. How you’ll run an errand, even… will it fit around nap time? Cranky time? Lunch time? How do you get coverage for your kids if you need to schedule your own doctor’s appointment? How do you get all the housework done while you’re trying to stimulate your children all day? How do you respond to all those people with the misconception that as a stay at home mom you have “all this time on your hands”? How do you keep yourself from going mad without adult conversation, intellectual challenges, time to pursue your own interests outside the home, and so on? You worry whether you’re giving enough attention to each of your children. You worry about whether you’re stimulating your children appropriately enough. You worry about whether you’re scheduling the right kind of playdates, buying the right educational toys, cooking nutritious enough meals, or getting them outside enough. You worry. That’s what moms do.
When you’re a working mom, you have to leave your children every day. You have to figure out how to manage your schedule, find care for your children, figure out what to do when your kids are sick, when childcare fails (the nanny is sick, day care/school is closed, etc.) you have to either take off of work or find back up. When your kids have appointments, when there are school conferences, when there are field trips to chaperon, or whatever, you have to take time off of work. That means when you’re sick, you go to work instead of staying home or going to the doctor, because there’s no time left to take off. You miss out on some milestones. You know you’re under the microscope by your boss, your clients, your coworkers for the time you have to take off for your kids. You worry if you’re spending enough time with your kids. You worry if you’re putting enough hours in at work and doing your best work. You worry. That’s what moms do.
And yet, our children thrive. Our children grow, whether we’re at home or working. Whether we’re working at home or outside the home. Our children turn into little people right before our eyes. We all work to be the best parents we can be, no matter what challenges we face in our day-to-day lives.
ChezPerky 
There’s no way to make everyone happy, but it seems like we really should support each other far more than we do. You’re right–our kids are wonderful, thriving, growing kids who are loved and love us right back.
**Applause, applause** Standing ovation over here!
This drives me CRAZY. I spent 8 months home and then went back to work and no matter where I was, people were talking about how easy I had it and how much harder it was for them. I like how you said it, we’re always a parent. It is a more than full time job.
The other thing that gets me is when people (actually my boss) talks to me about finding a balance. As far as I’m concerned, there is no balance (or I haven’t found it yet). The only thing I can do is give my best at whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing at the time.
This really is a wonderful post. I’ve been a full-time WOHM, part-time WOHM (which I guess made me a part-time SAHM too), and am now a full-time SAHM due to a layoff. For me personally, WOHM full-time was harder on me. Now I feel that I actually have time to grocery shop, clean, have a hobby, etc. When I worked I was either 100% focused there or 100% on my daughter at home because I felt I never had enough time with her. I personally find both to be equally as challenging, but in very different ways. That being said, my daughter thrived in daycare full-time. She loved it. Now she thrives in daycare part-time and with me part-time. I’ve seen no differences in her behavior, sleep patterns, stress levels, etc. When they are well loved and cared for these little creatures of ours are very resilient. Whether you WOH, SAH or everything in between it’s the love you give to your children that really matters in the end.
AMEN! I could not have said it better. I have experienced both, and now am trying to start a business from home, and I’ve experienced every single thing you wrote about. It’s all so true.
Outstanding post! So, so true. As a part-time SAHM (2 days a week) and a part-time WOTHM (3 days a week), I agree that there are challenges and rewards with both “jobs”. And of course I worry about everything, everywhere… especially in regards to A.
I love this post… you should get it published! =) Good to hear from you, too… I’ve missed reading your posts!
Very well said!!
Hear hear!
Can I add my applause?
It drives me nuts that we all have to judge so much. Leaving your kids! Leaving your job! Making your children work down the salt mines!
(that third one might be worth complaining about)
At the end of the day, you’re bang on – being a parent is hard enough. Let’s not add to the grief.
I couldn’t agree more. it’s a struggle no matter what. there are positives and negatives to both. cheers to ALL moms!!
Hello there,
Do you know I have been bits of them all, and I personally found the work mum just too hard, while it allowed us financial gains and less stress I felt that I was only doing an ok job at everyting… it got me down…. So we made a massive sacrifice and I have stayed primarily at home with my boys until now (they are both in full time school). I worked weekends so my hubby could look after the boys until then. I am a teacher and so obviously I could not do that on weekends so I got a shop assistant job to make ends meet. When I was teaching and had my babies (I have had a sick little guy for ever!) I felt I let my students and their parents down each time I needed a day/week off to handle Alex’s medical needs. I know my students’ parents understood but in reality their children were missing out too.
I have had friends that never work outside the home, friends that return to full time work 6 weeks after delivery and each woman/husband have had their own struggles. I think it comes down to women having to stop comparing to others and being insensitive to others… our children are different as are we… I think the debate of SAHM and Working mums is no different to the whole child debate, how many, when did they sleep through, when did they walk,talk etc….
I say enough already!!! we need to support one another and stop with the down trodding of our fellow (wo)man! We are all unique in our needs and wants and gifts!
sorry to rabbit on but this just gets my goat, I hate this constant women bashing no matter what side of the fence you are on, you can only do what works for you and your family and no one has the right to judge…
All that said I have returned to partime teaching this year and OMG!!!!! its tough becuase I talk all day deal with petty under 5″ issues and have to come home to more… so you know each world is TOUGH!!!!
Fantastic Post you have written it well as always! May have an inkling where it has come from ‘wink’
happy friday to you!
leonie
Having been a SAHM the last nearly three years, it has been a very nice change to get to be outside the home environment throughout the week now. Granted, I do not work, yet I am a full-time student which in essence is very similar. I was suffering from major burnout the last couple months and having help with childcare is amazing- it completely reenergized my mind so that I can parent once again with enthusiasm.
Parenting’s a tough job, no doubt about it. Great post.
I totally agree. I am a work from home mom and although I get to be home while working, it is never an easy job. There are times when I find myself running around some errands while making sure that there’s cooked food and that my daughter is doing her homework. After all the running around, I find myself working till the wee hours of the morning to get the job done. Sometimes, I find myself on the brink of burnout. But you have reminded me that my sacrifices are bearing fruit as I see my daughter grow up with the values that I want to instill in her. Shuffling both parenting and work responsibilities is never easy, but it’s definitely very rewarding. Great post!