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Archive for the ‘life moves around me’ Category

Something I’m not very good at in my life is knowing when to say “No.”  It’s one of my greatest flaws, and, in some ways, one of my greatest strengths – depending on who you ask (and when you ask).   It means that I take a great deal on in my life – usually too much.  It’s a trait I hope not to pass on to my children.  Learning to judiciously use the word “No” is an important character trait, in my opinion, and one I wish I possessed.

At the same time, I work hard not to let “No” be a prevailing word in the world of my children.  I try to find other ways to let them know when something they’re doing isn’t acceptable.  “Zeh Lo Tov” (Hebrew for “That’s Not Good”) and “Not Okay” are two of my first two choices to let them know that what they’re doing isn’t appropriate.  “Stop” or “Freeze” also work.  “No” is my last resort.  Nevertheless, there’s no getting around the fact that “No” is a phrase they hear a lot, whether it’s from me or other people in their lives. 

A couple of weeks ago, Abigail started saying “No” very clearly.  It was not a surprise that Abby was the first to say no – she’s our most contrary child and she’s been saying no quite clearly since her early days in the NICU – she’s only just now found a way to articulate the word.  She’s very cute when she says it because she gets this “otherworldly” tone to her voice when she says it and she gets to be quite emphatic.  She says “no” when her siblings get near her, eye her toys, touch her things, or, you know, breathe the air near her.  She’s getting to be quite pushy and grabby, too.  If one of the others is holding a toy that she wants to play with, she’ll stomp over and swipe the toy out of their hands while declaring: “NO!”  It seems that “No” is a fine substitute for “Mine” (which she hasn’t learned yet). 

Speech delays or not, it was inevitable that they’d learn this word eventually, right?

I did get my shining moment shortly after Abby learned the word “no”, however, when her speech therapist was working with her and Abby was digging through the therapist’s bag of toys.  She pulled out a toy she wanted and she said, “Yes, yes, yes!”  It was the first, and only, time I’ve ever heard her say “yes” ever, but I’ll take it!

Even sweet, compliant Ellie has learned to embrace the word “No” in a way that her mama is nearly jealous of.  On Shabbos, she was playing with some mega blocks on the floor, and Abby and Sam had both given me some smooches, so I looked over at Ellie, who is always willing to give me smooches (!) andI said, “Ellie!  Will you give mommy kisses?”

Ellie didn’t even look at me as she continued to play with her blocks and she said, quite clearly, “Nooooooooooo!”

Wait, what!?  My compliant, angel of a daughter just refused me smooches!?  Really?  What?  I must have heard her incorrectly.  Right?  RIGHT?  Of course right.

“Ellie?  Can Mommy have kisses?”

“Noooooo!!” she responded immediately without looking up from the two blocks she was intently trying to stick together.

My heart broke.  I was simultaneously proud of my daughter for making this enormous leap in receptive and expressive language skill all at once, and yet… a little hurt (okay, a lot hurt!).  But really, hey!  My daughter heard a question, understood it, and responded with a brand new word and in context!  How cool is that?

Even Sam – sweet Sam – the most delayed of the three.  Sam has only 3 clear words, and one… maybe word.  But even Sam is starting to catch on to the “No” concept.  He shakes his head “no” if he doesn’t want something, and he’s started to make the “N” sound if he doesn’t want something.  “Na-na-na,” he’ll say, while shaking his head.  Clearly an attempt at saying “No” despite not quite having the word in his personal lexicon yet. 

My babies are… growing up.  They really are.  *sniff*  How did this happen so fast?

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Time Passes

Note: My blog has moved! I am cross-posting until the end of June as reliably as I can remember to, but please email me for the new URL! You don’t have to have any special “qualifications” to get the new URL, I’m giving it out freely, I just don’t want to post it. Also, Mel has it posted in the Lost and Found, because she rocks.

This evening, my husband went to shul to say Kaddish (the mourner’s prayer) for his father at Mincha (the afternoon prayer service, which must be said before Sundown). At Ma’ariv (the evening service, which follows Mincha), Seth was no longer obligated to say Kaddish (though he’ll still say it on the yarzheit, of course). Eleven months have passed since his father died last summer. Eleven months ago I was about to go on full bed rest trying to keep contractions at bay, trying to keep my shortening cervix from giving out. Eleven months ago I wasn’t sure whether all three of my babies would make it into the world, let alone healthy and thriving. Eleven months ago, we didn’t know that my father in law would never meet his grandchildren. Eleven months ago I didn’t realize how quickly time would pass.

A month later, I was in the hospital afraid I was in labor all too soon. Later that day, I was getting my terbutaline pump set up, and I was helping my husband register the news that his father had died. It was one of the worst days of our lives, but thankfully, those babies stayed inside that day, and many days after.

Eleven months my husband has been saying Kaddish. It’s hard to believe.

Meanwhile, Trilcat inspired me today, though I’m not sure whether she intended to. But she made me realize today that my I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the simple act of making Shabbos dinner, and it’s been intimidating me more than it should. So tomorrow, in honor of the fact that my husband is no longer saying Kaddish, we are having guests for Shabbos dinner. And tonight I made baked gefilte fish, chicken, broccoli kugel, and sauteed summer squash. Tomorrow I’ll make rice and salad and it will be a lovely Shabbos meal. Maybe not *quite* up to my former standard, but you know? I didn’t used to be the mother of triplets plus one, so sometimes our standards have to evolve, right?

Time passes and life moves on. Eleven months ago I had no idea how happy I could be today. I had no idea how full my life would be and how capable I would feel.

Read Full Post »

Time Passes

Note: My blog has moved! I am cross-posting until the end of June as reliably as I can remember to, but please email me for the new URL! You don't have to have any special "qualifications" to get the new URL, I'm giving it out freely, I just don't want to post it. Also, Mel has it posted in the Lost and Found, because she rocks.

This evening, my husband went to shul to say Kaddish (the mourner's prayer) for his father at Mincha (the afternoon prayer service, which must be said before Sundown). At Ma'ariv (the evening service, which follows Mincha), Seth was no longer obligated to say Kaddish (though he'll still say it on the yarzheit, of course). Eleven months have passed since his father died last summer. Eleven months ago I was about to go on full bed rest trying to keep contractions at bay, trying to keep my shortening cervix from giving out. Eleven months ago I wasn't sure whether all three of my babies would make it into the world, let alone healthy and thriving. Eleven months ago, we didn't know that my father in law would never meet his grandchildren. Eleven months ago I didn't realize how quickly time would pass.

A month later, I was in the hospital afraid I was in labor all too soon. Later that day, I was getting my terbutaline pump set up, and I was helping my husband register the news that his father had died. It was one of the worst days of our lives, but thankfully, those babies stayed inside that day, and many days after.

Eleven months my husband has been saying Kaddish. It's hard to believe.

Meanwhile, Trilcat inspired me today, though I'm not sure whether she intended to. But she made me realize today that my I've been feeling overwhelmed by the simple act of making Shabbos dinner, and it's been intimidating me more than it should. So tomorrow, in honor of the fact that my husband is no longer saying Kaddish, we are having guests for Shabbos dinner. And tonight I made baked gefilte fish, chicken, broccoli kugel, and sauteed summer squash. Tomorrow I'll make rice and salad and it will be a lovely Shabbos meal. Maybe not *quite* up to my former standard, but you know? I didn't used to be the mother of triplets plus one, so sometimes our standards have to evolve, right?

Time passes and life moves on. Eleven months ago I had no idea how happy I could be today. I had no idea how full my life would be and how capable I would feel.

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