Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘pregnancy #2’ Category

The Little Fetbryo That Could

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 10 Comments »

Three heartbeats today.

Three strong, beautiful heartbeats.

Dr. Amazing said we’ll take it one day at a time but if it comes to it, he’d like me to consider selective reduction. His concern, of course, is how to ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy for me, and how to maximize the odds of having healthy babies. Halachically, this is a grey area and depends on individual circumstances. Emotionally, for me, this is also a grey area. Physically, it’s very black and white. But we have a couple of weeks before we could have that conversation anyway. Dr. Amazing’s hope is that one way or another, this will result in a healthy twin pregnancy for me.

I go back in a week.

Read Full Post »

But really, how am I?

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 6 Comments »

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.

Read Full Post »

The Little Fetbryo That Could

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 14 Comments »

Three heartbeats today.

Three strong, beautiful heartbeats.

Dr. Amazing said we'll take it one day at a time but if it comes to it, he'd like me to consider selective reduction. His concern, of course, is how to ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy for me, and how to maximize the odds of having healthy babies. Halachically, this is a grey area and depends on individual circumstances. Emotionally, for me, this is also a grey area. Physically, it's very black and white. But we have a couple of weeks before we could have that conversation anyway. Dr. Amazing's hope is that one way or another, this will result in a healthy twin pregnancy for me.

I go back in a week.

Read Full Post »

But really, how am I?

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 12 Comments »

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.

Read Full Post »

Oh, so THIS is what it feels like to breathe…

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 16, 2007| 14 Comments »

There is, for the moment, one viable heartbeat. It’s tiny and faint and too early to tell if it will be the only one. However, it seems obvious that I probably won’t have more than twins. I’m still holding my breath for a singleton, though. There are still three gestational sacs. They are 1.1 cm, .98cm, and .85cm. I think. They weren’t being terribly forthcoming with the information this morning.

I’m supposed to go back in a week, but I think I’m going to keep my scheduled appointment for Tuesday. That’s when Dr. Amazing is covering monitoring, and I’d really much rather be there when he is. I’ll check with my nurse today and see what she suggests.

Read Full Post »

Oh, so THIS is what it feels like to breathe…

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 16, 2007| 19 Comments »

There is, for the moment, one viable heartbeat. It's tiny and faint and too early to tell if it will be the only one. However, it seems obvious that I probably won't have more than twins. I'm still holding my breath for a singleton, though. There are still three gestational sacs. They are 1.1 cm, .98cm, and .85cm. I think. They weren't being terribly forthcoming with the information this morning.

I'm supposed to go back in a week, but I think I'm going to keep my scheduled appointment for Tuesday. That's when Dr. Amazing is covering monitoring, and I'd really much rather be there when he is. I'll check with my nurse today and see what she suggests.

Read Full Post »

Seriously? I mean, really?

Posted in my stupid body, pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 15, 2007| 5 Comments »

I keep going back to the comments on my original triplet post. Many comments are checking to see if I’m serious. Wait. Are you serious? Honestly, I’m still not sure I’m serious. I mean, how ridiculous would THAT be? I can’t be pregnant with triplets. That’s the most assinine thing I’ve ever heard. But that picture… that scan… that’s my uterus in that picture. Surely it can’t be? Obviously I will wake up soon, right? RIGHT?

I hate to sound like a broken record, and I expect that several posts to come will all sound the same and for that I apologize, but I still don’t know what to think or feel. I didn’t even know what to think or feel about there being twins at the first scan. How exactly is triplets supposed to be clear-cut, emotionally?

If I have triplets, I’m guaranteed three seriously premature babies. Best case scenario? I get three, three-pound babies. And that’s if all goes perfectly. I cannot begin to tell you how much that terrifies me. That is the best case. I cannot keep out of my head visions of three pound babies. I just can’t. I cannot believe that come September, I could be faced with that for real. Yes, September. Because no way are triplets making it to November. (I’m theoretically due the first week of November, hah!)

Mostly, I’m in pain. Physical pain. I know some cramping is normal in pregnancy, and I imagine that cramping with three in there would be, oh, three times worse than a typical pregnancy. But this is really ridiculous. This is doubling-over-in-pain kind of cramping. This is me not being able to load the dishwasher because that would require bending over kind of pain (mighty convenient, that one). My hips, believe it or not, already feel like they are trying to spread out. Everything is all out of whack. Everything hurts. My migraines are unbelievably out of control now, and there’s nothing I can really take for them that will help. I had a serious anxiety attack yesterday because my husband’s car died and now we have to buy a new one sooner than I’d hoped and I don’t know how we’re going to pay for it, and the anxiety only made my head pound more, my abdomen cramp more, my back ache more. And you know the best part? You can’t take any anxiety medication when you’re pregnant. I very rarely have anxiety attacks. I was given Ativan years ago when I had a malfunctioning gallbladder and couldn’t sleep through the pain. I was pretty pissed off to be handed anxiety medicine for sleeplessness, but it turned out to really work. Now I’m pretty pissed off that I can’t take any Ativan now.

I don’t really need a scan tomorrow, but I’m going in for one anyway. I’m going to carefully explain to Margaret that if she even THINKS she sees four, she is not to say a single word about it to me. Maybe I should just wait until Tuesday when Dr. Amazing is back. Actually, it doesn’t matter, I’m seeing Dr. Amazing on Tuesday regardless of whether I go in for a scan tomorrow. I may as well get another scan just for fun anyway. If she sees four, I’ll die on the spot.

Read Full Post »

Seriously? I mean, really?

Posted in my stupid body, pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 15, 2007| 5 Comments »

I keep going back to the comments on my original triplet post. Many comments are checking to see if I'm serious. Wait. Are you serious? Honestly, I'm still not sure I'm serious. I mean, how ridiculous would THAT be? I can't be pregnant with triplets. That's the most assinine thing I've ever heard. But that picture… that scan… that's my uterus in that picture. Surely it can't be? Obviously I will wake up soon, right? RIGHT?

I hate to sound like a broken record, and I expect that several posts to come will all sound the same and for that I apologize, but I still don't know what to think or feel. I didn't even know what to think or feel about there being twins at the first scan. How exactly is triplets supposed to be clear-cut, emotionally?

If I have triplets, I'm guaranteed three seriously premature babies. Best case scenario? I get three, three-pound babies. And that's if all goes perfectly. I cannot begin to tell you how much that terrifies me. That is the best case. I cannot keep out of my head visions of three pound babies. I just can't. I cannot believe that come September, I could be faced with that for real. Yes, September. Because no way are triplets making it to November. (I'm theoretically due the first week of November, hah!)

Mostly, I'm in pain. Physical pain. I know some cramping is normal in pregnancy, and I imagine that cramping with three in there would be, oh, three times worse than a typical pregnancy. But this is really ridiculous. This is doubling-over-in-pain kind of cramping. This is me not being able to load the dishwasher because that would require bending over kind of pain (mighty convenient, that one). My hips, believe it or not, already feel like they are trying to spread out. Everything is all out of whack. Everything hurts. My migraines are unbelievably out of control now, and there's nothing I can really take for them that will help. I had a serious anxiety attack yesterday because my husband's car died and now we have to buy a new one sooner than I'd hoped and I don't know how we're going to pay for it, and the anxiety only made my head pound more, my abdomen cramp more, my back ache more. And you know the best part? You can't take any anxiety medication when you're pregnant. I very rarely have anxiety attacks. I was given Ativan years ago when I had a malfunctioning gallbladder and couldn't sleep through the pain. I was pretty pissed off to be handed anxiety medicine for sleeplessness, but it turned out to really work. Now I'm pretty pissed off that I can't take any Ativan now.

I don't really need a scan tomorrow, but I'm going in for one anyway. I'm going to carefully explain to Margaret that if she even THINKS she sees four, she is not to say a single word about it to me. Maybe I should just wait until Tuesday when Dr. Amazing is back. Actually, it doesn't matter, I'm seeing Dr. Amazing on Tuesday regardless of whether I go in for a scan tomorrow. I may as well get another scan just for fun anyway. If she sees four, I'll die on the spot.

Read Full Post »

Seriously? I mean, really?

Posted in my stupid body, pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 15, 2007| 3 Comments »

I keep going back to the comments on my original triplet post. Many comments are checking to see if I'm serious. Wait. Are you serious? Honestly, I'm still not sure I'm serious. I mean, how ridiculous would THAT be? I can't be pregnant with triplets. That's the most assinine thing I've ever heard. But that picture… that scan… that's my uterus in that picture. Surely it can't be? Obviously I will wake up soon, right? RIGHT?

I hate to sound like a broken record, and I expect that several posts to come will all sound the same and for that I apologize, but I still don't know what to think or feel. I didn't even know what to think or feel about there being twins at the first scan. How exactly is triplets supposed to be clear-cut, emotionally?

If I have triplets, I'm guaranteed three seriously premature babies. Best case scenario? I get three, three-pound babies. And that's if all goes perfectly. I cannot begin to tell you how much that terrifies me. That is the best case. I cannot keep out of my head visions of three pound babies. I just can't. I cannot believe that come September, I could be faced with that for real. Yes, September. Because no way are triplets making it to November. (I'm theoretically due the first week of November, hah!)

Mostly, I'm in pain. Physical pain. I know some cramping is normal in pregnancy, and I imagine that cramping with three in there would be, oh, three times worse than a typical pregnancy. But this is really ridiculous. This is doubling-over-in-pain kind of cramping. This is me not being able to load the dishwasher because that would require bending over kind of pain (mighty convenient, that one). My hips, believe it or not, already feel like they are trying to spread out. Everything is all out of whack. Everything hurts. My migraines are unbelievably out of control now, and there's nothing I can really take for them that will help. I had a serious anxiety attack yesterday because my husband's car died and now we have to buy a new one sooner than I'd hoped and I don't know how we're going to pay for it, and the anxiety only made my head pound more, my abdomen cramp more, my back ache more. And you know the best part? You can't take any anxiety medication when you're pregnant. I very rarely have anxiety attacks. I was given Ativan years ago when I had a malfunctioning gallbladder and couldn't sleep through the pain. I was pretty pissed off to be handed anxiety medicine for sleeplessness, but it turned out to really work. Now I'm pretty pissed off that I can't take any Ativan now.

I don't really need a scan tomorrow, but I'm going in for one anyway. I'm going to carefully explain to Margaret that if she even THINKS she sees four, she is not to say a single word about it to me. Maybe I should just wait until Tuesday when Dr. Amazing is back. Actually, it doesn't matter, I'm seeing Dr. Amazing on Tuesday regardless of whether I go in for a scan tomorrow. I may as well get another scan just for fun anyway. If she sees four, I'll die on the spot.

Read Full Post »

A Fine Question

Posted in my stupid body, pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 14, 2007| 6 Comments »

Anonymous writes:
Is it only the implantation that has been causing the bleeding? Might you have had multiple implantations and losses early on in the other pregnancy? What information are you being given about the bleeding?

This is a great question. And the answer is, I don’t know. One theory is that I could be bleeding from implantation , but I gotta say… I don’t have a lot of faith in that theory. There’s an awful lot of bleeding, in my admittedly uneducated opinion, to blame only on implantation. Beyond that, who knows?

Could I have had multiple implantations and losses early in the other pregnancy? It’s doubtful because in my last pregnancy, I literally had ONE mature (16mm) follicle and nothing more. All the others had shrunk away to unmeasurable levels. This pregnancy there was a maybe-leader and a whole lot of close followers (16.4, 15.4, 14.2, 14.2, 14.0). Gosh I feel really stupid now. We should have just cancelled the cycle. In the case of the last pregnancy, multiple implantations and losses definitely doesn’t cover it, because I had consistent bleeding for 12 weeks. Had there been other implantations that I was losing, they would have shown up on ultrasound.

But as for what information I’m being given on the bleeding… not much. Not any actually. Just the possibility of implantation bleeding, which doesn’t make enough sense to satisfy me. They can’t find a reason for the bleeding on ultrasound and they are therefore unconcerned. Easy for them to say. I’m the one dealing with it.

What else? A couple people have asked me how far along I am… I’m at about 6 weeks gestation, with variances depending on who you ask. Another popular question is when is my next scan? I don’t have to go back in until Tuesday, but I’m going in on Friday so that I don’t spend all weekend assuming that life is all doom and gloom. I don’t expect Friday’s scan to yield any interesting results. I don’t expect fetal poles or heartbeats by then, but I expect there may be something more interesting to see on Tuesday. If not, that’s when I’ll worry. Not that I’m not worrying now.

My question is… at what point do I mention this little predicament to my OB? And will he be able/willing to see me if this stays triplets? I’d feel stupid calling now only to find out I’m down to one or two by the time I “graduate” from the RE’s office. But I wouldn’t want to not have a plan in place for my next appointment once I graduate from the RE’s office either. Decisions, decisions.

On another note, a small part of me is really irrationally angry with Shady Hell right now. I know that IUI made the most medical sense in terms of avoiding costly, invasive procedures if we could… but if someone had just let me have my way and went straight to IVF after the miscarriage…. the odds of triplets right now would have been infinitessimal. We never would have transferred three embryos and we would have had to have a very, very good reason to transfer even two. This is not Shady Hell’s fault. They did do the responsible thing in giving me the guidance that they gave me. But I’m still upset about it.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »