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Archive for December 3rd, 2006

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So I don't care that this is likely in the realm of way too much information. This is an infertility blog, people! You guys write about cervical mucus and coochie-cams like they're the most natural things in the world to talk about. So I can discuss any TMI I want to in my own little realm.

For example, as I've mentioned, I have a three year old foster son. He's adorable, mostly, except when he isn't. And this morning he figured out exactly how to get my attention. (Note: Eema means mother in Hebrew, and that's what he calls me) He came walking up the stairs from the basement saying, "Eema, look, I have blood!" Ohmygodwhat??? As calmly as I could, I said, "What did you say, sweetheart? Let me see." Sure enough, he held out a tiny little thumb and there was a tiny sliver of a cut on his thumb. And it was, indeed, bleeding. I applied a spiderman bandaid to it and gave it a little kiss and asked him if he could show me what he touched that cut him. I was worried he'd found a sliver of glass or something. So he took me to the basement and showed me his book that is a glossy-paged pictorial history of the John Deere Tractor. One of his favorite books ever. And those glossy pages are perfect for causing paper-cuts, apparently.

Unconsoled, J started to cry. Apparently, spiderman is not good at healing papercuts. He wanted Spider man OFF his finger. NOW. And poor J looked up at me and said, "Eema, it really hurts me!" And I swear, I think he was more upset at his own fallibility than at the physical pain. I think the poor kid's feelings are hurt that his prized book could dare to cause him any unhappiness.

What? That's not the kind of blood and guts and gore you expected?

Okay, fine. No problem. I've got the good stuff, too. Never the master of good timing, my body decided that Thursday (when I was sick and drooling from exhaustion) would be the perfect time for my period to show her shy little self. This could not be worse timing. One more week and I would have been able to go get my E2, P4, hCG tests done so I could start Provera and get an IUI cycle going. But I couldn't just call that Day One and start an IUI cycle last week, because I still have to get my pap smear done (next week) and my Infectious Disease blood work updated (also next week) and Seth's ID blood work also needed to be updated (he did that on Friday). So now I'm going to have to wait ANOTHER four weeks to see if my period comes again (it won't) before I can do the E2, P4, hCG tests and start another round of provera. Which means January. Which means no more IUIs in 2006. Which isn't so horrible. But I'm running out of time. This time next year, I won't have fertility coverage anymore. I think I'm going to take this opportunity to go back to the clinic and consult with a different doctor and convince them to go straight to an IVF cycle instead of messing with another IUI. I'm running out of time. Pure and simple. I may be "only" thirty, but I'm thirty one next month, and next year I won't have insurance coverage for IVF, so you know… I'm running out of time, biological clock or not.

I've never heard that tick tock sound so loud. But it's all I hear anywhere I go. Tick tock. Tick tock. I don't care how "young" I am or am not. The point is biological clock or not, I'm running out of time. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Will I have a baby before I run out of time? Tick. Tock. Will this period from hell never end? Tick. Tock. I mean, I know it's only been four days, but holy heck I've never (okay, not never, but it's been a LONG time) had a period this bad. This is worse than the post-D&C bleeding I had. In fact, that was mere spotting, mostly, even if it did seem to go on forever. Tick. Tock. I can't stop feeling like I'm running out of time. Quickly.

Tick. Tock.

By the way, when is bleeding heavy enough that you're supposed to worry? Because I think maybe I should be worrying. It's really a lot. There, is that the kind of blood and guts and gore you were expecting?

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