Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for March, 2007

FAQs

Posted in FAQ, triplets? on March 22, 2007| 4 Comments »

NOTE: I don't know why this originally posted with comments disallowed; it's certainly not my default setting and I didn't change it when writing the post, either. Anyway, the problem is fixed.

I've gotten a bunch of questions recently, some via email, some via my other blog (yes, I'm a two-timer! but I write very little about infertility over there). Technically, they're not Frequently asked questions… just questions that have been asked, so I hope you'll excuse my rather liberal use of the term "FAQ" in this case. I'll paraphrase the questions and provide my answers:

1. Oh my gawd, you're having triplets??? What were you thinking, you idiot!?
Okay, I told you I'd be paraphrasing. This question came from someone who essentially implied that I was irresponsible about my infertility treatment. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, to be honest. I certainly had no intention of having triplets. I put MY order in for a singleton, but since God* and I haven't been on the best of speaking terms since my miscarriage in October*, I think the message got garbled. "Please God, bless me with a child" somehow got translated to, "That whiny bitch*** down there keeps asking for stuff… let's make her careful what she wishes for next time."

2. Oh my gawd! How could you say such a thing! Aren't you grateful you've got triplets? I mean, isn't this the infertility jackpot??
Grateful? Sure. I'm grateful I got pregnant. I'm grateful I'm probably going to end up with a baby come… um, well, I'm due in November, but we're probably looking at September if this stays triplets, and holy hell, NO I'M NOT GRATEFUL to be looking at the prospect of delivering 32 week preemies. Three of them. Three helpless little babies who can't survive outside of the NICU. I'm not grateful for that. Infertility Jackpot my ass****. To me, this is actually the Infertility Nightmare. Go from spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant to spending tens of thousands of dollars on a severely high risk pregnancy and delivery. This is your idea of a jackpot? I think not. Yes, I'll have three babies, IF this makes it that far. And yes, that's a bracha (blessing) times three. And yes, once they're here, I'll love them all no matter how many there are. But mostly, I'm terrified of the toll it's going to take to get there.

3. Oh my gawd!***** You're an Orthodox Jew? How could you even CONSIDER reduction? It's not muttar! It's akin to abortion! It's a chilul Hashem! If you must consider it, you certainly shouldn't be advertising it! Have you talked to your Rav (Rabbi)? He'll tell you why it's not okay! Please don't do this without talking to your Rav!
Ahem. Oh you think I'm exaggerating? Um, maybe a tiny bit, but not as much as you might think. And if you didn't understand all that Jewtalk in that question… well, you're probably lucky. Let's start with the first part. Yes, I'm an Orthodox Jew. I can still consider reduction. Here's how: Halacha (the body of Jewish Law) does not blindly condone reduction, but it is not a black-and-white issue in halacha either. I didn't go into this cycle with a reasonable expectation that I'd come out with triplets (while, if in an IVF cycle I'd transferred three brilliant embryos… it would be fair to say that it was a reasonable possibility that I'd end up with triplets). That's part one.

Part two is consideration of the specific medical circumstances. I don't know how much my medical history is going to come into play with this, but I would be irresponsible if I didn't consider it. I had a stroke (minor, yes, but not to be ignored) when I was 23. I have a very small hole in my heart that isn't usually problemmatic, but if I developed blood clots, could be very dangerous (i.e. leading to another stroke). I have a plethora of lesser ailments, but those two are at the top of my list. So yes, I will meet with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist (whom I will have to see regardless of whether I'm considering reduction, since this is defined as a high risk pregnancy already). I will meet with the doctor and I will ask him what I am to expect of a triplet pregnancy with my medical history. I will ask him whether there is a significant risk to me or the babies by the simple existence of triplets. I will assume that basically the answer will be that I CAN safely carry triplets, but will have to be monitored carefully. If that is the case, obviously, reduction is out of the question.

Yes, I'm fully aware that I need to speak with my Rav. Yes, I've told him I need a meeting with him before Pesach. I am waiting for him to find a time that works for both of us. I will absolutely make no decisions on how this pregnancy will progress without consulting with my Rav. I have several weeks before that decision would even come into play regardless. Seriously, if you're that concerned about me following halacha, you have way too much time on your hands.

4. Oh my gawd!!!! I knew it! I just knew it when you triggered early with all those follicles, I absolutely knew you were going to have triplets. And when your beta came back so high (228), it was obvious you were having twins or triplets.
No you didn't. You did not know I was going to have triplets. You are not smarter than my doctors. You are not omniscient. The high beta was still well within normal (right smack at average, actually) limits for a singleton. It was around average for twins, too. You may have thought it was high, but it wasn't unbelievably, alarmingly high. You did not know when I triggered that I would have triplets. If anyone could have known that, I wouldn't have triggered, I wouldn't have done IUI and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I would have been on birth control pills right now awaiting my IVF cycle start. That was the plan, remember? Ironically, odds are good that if I'd had IVF, I would not have ended up with triplets.

5. You sound awfully upset about this triplet thing. Aren't you happy?
Happy? Sure. I'm ecstatic. And terrified. I'm thrilled. And scared. I want all three! I'm terrified to have all three! Yes, I'm upset. It's not because I don't want all three children. I couldn't be more thrilled to have three children (though I do wish they wouldn't all come at once!). I'm upset because there is so much to lose. If I lose one now, I don't think it will be any easier than any other loss, even though there are "back ups." I am petrified. If you think you wouldn't be petrified, well, you've never found yourself pregnant with triplets.

6. You don't know that they'll all make it… so what are you worried about?
I'm worried that they won't all make it. I'm worried that they will all make it. I'm worried that they'll all make it and someday one of them will discover that sometimes I hoped they wouldn't all make it, even though I'll love them all no matter what. I'm worried that going through a triplet pregnancy will take an irreparable toll on my body. I'm worried that they'll all survive the pregnancy, but not survive the NICU. I'm worried about paying for Jewish Day School tuition for three kids simultaneously. I'm worried about 3 simultaneous college tuitions. I'm worried I won't be a good enough mom to three kids of the same age. I'm worried that J (my foster son) will be outnumbered immediately. I'm worried that I won't be able to nurse my children. I'm worried that I'll get sick and not be able to take care of them. I'm worried that I'll never be able to go back to work, which would mean we can't pay the mortgage, which would be bad! I'm worried that my kids will hate me. I'm worried that I won't be the "cool" mom. I'm worried that all my friends will drop me because I'm too high maintenance. I'm worried that I'll never see anyone ever again. So you see, plenty to worry about, most of it is irrational. I get that.

7. Oh my gawd!!!! You're so negative! I can't read your blog anymore!
Right. I know you aren't going to stop reading my blog, so don't even threaten it. After all, people love to watch train wrecks and if there's one thing that my blog is probably going to closely resemble very soon, it's a train wreck. Actually, I'm really not all that negative in real life. I'm pretty scared, but I am happy and I am excited and I am looking forward to meeting my baby or babies, as the case may be. I can't wait until I can tell people. I can't wait to watch them grow and develop. In some ways, I must grudgingly admit, this IS like hitting the infertility jackpot. Even if it IS terrifying.

*****
There are a few more questions, but I'm tired right now (shock of shocks), and I need to lay down. I'm happy to answer any other questions if you email or comment.
*****

———————-
* No, I don't do the G -dash- D thing. It drives me crazy. First of all, I'm typing onto the internet, which means this isn't a permanent writing. But far more importantly, God isn't the proper name of, well, God. Sometimes I write "Hashem" to avoid the whole debate, but I get that most people who read my blog aren't Jewish and probably won't understand "Hashem" but perfectly well understand the name "God." I see no reason to apologize for my lack of a dash, but people get all prickly about it, so I may as well.

**Actually, I'd started talking to God again recently… of course my foster son thinks God is shaped like a ceiling fan, since most of my conversations with God involve sarcastic comments that I make toward the ceiling (and consequently the ceiling fan). Anyway, ever since the triplet thing came up, I've been ambivalent, but I think I'm back to the silent treatment. My friend S (a rebbetzin) says it's okay that I'm not speaking to God, because (AND I QUOTE!) "God hears you not talking to Him." Well, that just ticked me off so I started talking to Him again, just so He'd stop being so self-righteous about it, and look where it got me! Triplets! Serves me right.

***Oh right. I'm an Orthodox Jew. Probably not so lovely for me to be swearing and cursing all over the place, and I try to keep it to a minimum (in writing, anyway, I have the mouth of a sailor), but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Got it?

****See above.

*****Yeah, all the emails start out that way. Okay, not really, but it's funnier my way, okay? Believe me, I've gotten some caring, loving, concerned, beautiful emails from people, but I get a lot of wretched, cruel, unfunny ones too. Plus, any excuse for yet another footnote, right?

Read Full Post »

FAQs

Posted in FAQ, triplets? on March 22, 2007| 8 Comments »

NOTE: I don't know why this originally posted with comments disallowed; it's certainly not my default setting and I didn't change it when writing the post, either. Anyway, the problem is fixed.

I've gotten a bunch of questions recently, some via email, some via my other blog (yes, I'm a two-timer! but I write very little about infertility over there). Technically, they're not Frequently asked questions… just questions that have been asked, so I hope you'll excuse my rather liberal use of the term "FAQ" in this case. I'll paraphrase the questions and provide my answers:

1. Oh my gawd, you're having triplets??? What were you thinking, you idiot!?
Okay, I told you I'd be paraphrasing. This question came from someone who essentially implied that I was irresponsible about my infertility treatment. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, to be honest. I certainly had no intention of having triplets. I put MY order in for a singleton, but since God* and I haven't been on the best of speaking terms since my miscarriage in October*, I think the message got garbled. "Please God, bless me with a child" somehow got translated to, "That whiny bitch*** down there keeps asking for stuff… let's make her careful what she wishes for next time."

2. Oh my gawd! How could you say such a thing! Aren't you grateful you've got triplets? I mean, isn't this the infertility jackpot??
Grateful? Sure. I'm grateful I got pregnant. I'm grateful I'm probably going to end up with a baby come… um, well, I'm due in November, but we're probably looking at September if this stays triplets, and holy hell, NO I'M NOT GRATEFUL to be looking at the prospect of delivering 32 week preemies. Three of them. Three helpless little babies who can't survive outside of the NICU. I'm not grateful for that. Infertility Jackpot my ass****. To me, this is actually the Infertility Nightmare. Go from spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant to spending tens of thousands of dollars on a severely high risk pregnancy and delivery. This is your idea of a jackpot? I think not. Yes, I'll have three babies, IF this makes it that far. And yes, that's a bracha (blessing) times three. And yes, once they're here, I'll love them all no matter how many there are. But mostly, I'm terrified of the toll it's going to take to get there.

3. Oh my gawd!***** You're an Orthodox Jew? How could you even CONSIDER reduction? It's not muttar! It's akin to abortion! It's a chilul Hashem! If you must consider it, you certainly shouldn't be advertising it! Have you talked to your Rav (Rabbi)? He'll tell you why it's not okay! Please don't do this without talking to your Rav!
Ahem. Oh you think I'm exaggerating? Um, maybe a tiny bit, but not as much as you might think. And if you didn't understand all that Jewtalk in that question… well, you're probably lucky. Let's start with the first part. Yes, I'm an Orthodox Jew. I can still consider reduction. Here's how: Halacha (the body of Jewish Law) does not blindly condone reduction, but it is not a black-and-white issue in halacha either. I didn't go into this cycle with a reasonable expectation that I'd come out with triplets (while, if in an IVF cycle I'd transferred three brilliant embryos… it would be fair to say that it was a reasonable possibility that I'd end up with triplets). That's part one.

Part two is consideration of the specific medical circumstances. I don't know how much my medical history is going to come into play with this, but I would be irresponsible if I didn't consider it. I had a stroke (minor, yes, but not to be ignored) when I was 23. I have a very small hole in my heart that isn't usually problemmatic, but if I developed blood clots, could be very dangerous (i.e. leading to another stroke). I have a plethora of lesser ailments, but those two are at the top of my list. So yes, I will meet with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist (whom I will have to see regardless of whether I'm considering reduction, since this is defined as a high risk pregnancy already). I will meet with the doctor and I will ask him what I am to expect of a triplet pregnancy with my medical history. I will ask him whether there is a significant risk to me or the babies by the simple existence of triplets. I will assume that basically the answer will be that I CAN safely carry triplets, but will have to be monitored carefully. If that is the case, obviously, reduction is out of the question.

Yes, I'm fully aware that I need to speak with my Rav. Yes, I've told him I need a meeting with him before Pesach. I am waiting for him to find a time that works for both of us. I will absolutely make no decisions on how this pregnancy will progress without consulting with my Rav. I have several weeks before that decision would even come into play regardless. Seriously, if you're that concerned about me following halacha, you have way too much time on your hands.

4. Oh my gawd!!!! I knew it! I just knew it when you triggered early with all those follicles, I absolutely knew you were going to have triplets. And when your beta came back so high (228), it was obvious you were having twins or triplets.
No you didn't. You did not know I was going to have triplets. You are not smarter than my doctors. You are not omniscient. The high beta was still well within normal (right smack at average, actually) limits for a singleton. It was around average for twins, too. You may have thought it was high, but it wasn't unbelievably, alarmingly high. You did not know when I triggered that I would have triplets. If anyone could have known that, I wouldn't have triggered, I wouldn't have done IUI and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I would have been on birth control pills right now awaiting my IVF cycle start. That was the plan, remember? Ironically, odds are good that if I'd had IVF, I would not have ended up with triplets.

5. You sound awfully upset about this triplet thing. Aren't you happy?
Happy? Sure. I'm ecstatic. And terrified. I'm thrilled. And scared. I want all three! I'm terrified to have all three! Yes, I'm upset. It's not because I don't want all three children. I couldn't be more thrilled to have three children (though I do wish they wouldn't all come at once!). I'm upset because there is so much to lose. If I lose one now, I don't think it will be any easier than any other loss, even though there are "back ups." I am petrified. If you think you wouldn't be petrified, well, you've never found yourself pregnant with triplets.

6. You don't know that they'll all make it… so what are you worried about?
I'm worried that they won't all make it. I'm worried that they will all make it. I'm worried that they'll all make it and someday one of them will discover that sometimes I hoped they wouldn't all make it, even though I'll love them all no matter what. I'm worried that going through a triplet pregnancy will take an irreparable toll on my body. I'm worried that they'll all survive the pregnancy, but not survive the NICU. I'm worried about paying for Jewish Day School tuition for three kids simultaneously. I'm worried about 3 simultaneous college tuitions. I'm worried I won't be a good enough mom to three kids of the same age. I'm worried that J (my foster son) will be outnumbered immediately. I'm worried that I won't be able to nurse my children. I'm worried that I'll get sick and not be able to take care of them. I'm worried that I'll never be able to go back to work, which would mean we can't pay the mortgage, which would be bad! I'm worried that my kids will hate me. I'm worried that I won't be the "cool" mom. I'm worried that all my friends will drop me because I'm too high maintenance. I'm worried that I'll never see anyone ever again. So you see, plenty to worry about, most of it is irrational. I get that.

7. Oh my gawd!!!! You're so negative! I can't read your blog anymore!
Right. I know you aren't going to stop reading my blog, so don't even threaten it. After all, people love to watch train wrecks and if there's one thing that my blog is probably going to closely resemble very soon, it's a train wreck. Actually, I'm really not all that negative in real life. I'm pretty scared, but I am happy and I am excited and I am looking forward to meeting my baby or babies, as the case may be. I can't wait until I can tell people. I can't wait to watch them grow and develop. In some ways, I must grudgingly admit, this IS like hitting the infertility jackpot. Even if it IS terrifying.

*****
There are a few more questions, but I'm tired right now (shock of shocks), and I need to lay down. I'm happy to answer any other questions if you email or comment.
*****

———————-
* No, I don't do the G -dash- D thing. It drives me crazy. First of all, I'm typing onto the internet, which means this isn't a permanent writing. But far more importantly, God isn't the proper name of, well, God. Sometimes I write "Hashem" to avoid the whole debate, but I get that most people who read my blog aren't Jewish and probably won't understand "Hashem" but perfectly well understand the name "God." I see no reason to apologize for my lack of a dash, but people get all prickly about it, so I may as well.

**Actually, I'd started talking to God again recently… of course my foster son thinks God is shaped like a ceiling fan, since most of my conversations with God involve sarcastic comments that I make toward the ceiling (and consequently the ceiling fan). Anyway, ever since the triplet thing came up, I've been ambivalent, but I think I'm back to the silent treatment. My friend S (a rebbetzin) says it's okay that I'm not speaking to God, because (AND I QUOTE!) "God hears you not talking to Him." Well, that just ticked me off so I started talking to Him again, just so He'd stop being so self-righteous about it, and look where it got me! Triplets! Serves me right.

***Oh right. I'm an Orthodox Jew. Probably not so lovely for me to be swearing and cursing all over the place, and I try to keep it to a minimum (in writing, anyway, I have the mouth of a sailor), but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Got it?

****See above.

*****Yeah, all the emails start out that way. Okay, not really, but it's funnier my way, okay? Believe me, I've gotten some caring, loving, concerned, beautiful emails from people, but I get a lot of wretched, cruel, unfunny ones too. Plus, any excuse for yet another footnote, right?

Read Full Post »

But really, how am I?

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 13 Comments »

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I’m not even entirely sure why. It really doesn’t make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I’ve got a quick temper, but I’m not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won’t. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won’t. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don’t have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn’t so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word “triplets” and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word “triplets” and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I’m not sure how I feel about it, I’m really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That’s several hours before Passover, but I can’t put it off much longer than that anyway. So I’ll just have to make sure I’m completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that’s where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I’m not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I’m not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what’s going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don’t like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that’s really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I’m trying not to think about it too much, until I’ve got all the information before me.

One thing’s for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I’m not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I’ll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I’m going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven’t been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn’t much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I’m still bleeding, but I’ve decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it’s light spotting, sometimes it’s heavy. It hasn’t changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just “what I do” when I’m pregnant. Someday I’d like to know WHY I do this, but for now it’s not important.
2. I’m not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I’m a bit queasy, but nothing I’d call real nausea.
3. I’m utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I’m having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it’s certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I’m down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I’m drinking.

Read Full Post »

The Little Fetbryo That Could

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 10 Comments »

Three heartbeats today.

Three strong, beautiful heartbeats.

Dr. Amazing said we’ll take it one day at a time but if it comes to it, he’d like me to consider selective reduction. His concern, of course, is how to ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy for me, and how to maximize the odds of having healthy babies. Halachically, this is a grey area and depends on individual circumstances. Emotionally, for me, this is also a grey area. Physically, it’s very black and white. But we have a couple of weeks before we could have that conversation anyway. Dr. Amazing’s hope is that one way or another, this will result in a healthy twin pregnancy for me.

I go back in a week.

Read Full Post »

But really, how am I?

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 6 Comments »

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.

Read Full Post »

But really, how am I?

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 12 Comments »

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me… I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure… a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff…
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.

Read Full Post »

The Little Fetbryo That Could

Posted in pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 20, 2007| 14 Comments »

Three heartbeats today.

Three strong, beautiful heartbeats.

Dr. Amazing said we'll take it one day at a time but if it comes to it, he'd like me to consider selective reduction. His concern, of course, is how to ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy for me, and how to maximize the odds of having healthy babies. Halachically, this is a grey area and depends on individual circumstances. Emotionally, for me, this is also a grey area. Physically, it's very black and white. But we have a couple of weeks before we could have that conversation anyway. Dr. Amazing's hope is that one way or another, this will result in a healthy twin pregnancy for me.

I go back in a week.

Read Full Post »

Oh, so THIS is what it feels like to breathe…

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 16, 2007| 14 Comments »

There is, for the moment, one viable heartbeat. It’s tiny and faint and too early to tell if it will be the only one. However, it seems obvious that I probably won’t have more than twins. I’m still holding my breath for a singleton, though. There are still three gestational sacs. They are 1.1 cm, .98cm, and .85cm. I think. They weren’t being terribly forthcoming with the information this morning.

I’m supposed to go back in a week, but I think I’m going to keep my scheduled appointment for Tuesday. That’s when Dr. Amazing is covering monitoring, and I’d really much rather be there when he is. I’ll check with my nurse today and see what she suggests.

Read Full Post »

Oh, so THIS is what it feels like to breathe…

Posted in pregnancy #2 on March 16, 2007| 19 Comments »

There is, for the moment, one viable heartbeat. It's tiny and faint and too early to tell if it will be the only one. However, it seems obvious that I probably won't have more than twins. I'm still holding my breath for a singleton, though. There are still three gestational sacs. They are 1.1 cm, .98cm, and .85cm. I think. They weren't being terribly forthcoming with the information this morning.

I'm supposed to go back in a week, but I think I'm going to keep my scheduled appointment for Tuesday. That's when Dr. Amazing is covering monitoring, and I'd really much rather be there when he is. I'll check with my nurse today and see what she suggests.

Read Full Post »

Seriously? I mean, really?

Posted in my stupid body, pregnancy #2, triplets? on March 15, 2007| 5 Comments »

I keep going back to the comments on my original triplet post. Many comments are checking to see if I’m serious. Wait. Are you serious? Honestly, I’m still not sure I’m serious. I mean, how ridiculous would THAT be? I can’t be pregnant with triplets. That’s the most assinine thing I’ve ever heard. But that picture… that scan… that’s my uterus in that picture. Surely it can’t be? Obviously I will wake up soon, right? RIGHT?

I hate to sound like a broken record, and I expect that several posts to come will all sound the same and for that I apologize, but I still don’t know what to think or feel. I didn’t even know what to think or feel about there being twins at the first scan. How exactly is triplets supposed to be clear-cut, emotionally?

If I have triplets, I’m guaranteed three seriously premature babies. Best case scenario? I get three, three-pound babies. And that’s if all goes perfectly. I cannot begin to tell you how much that terrifies me. That is the best case. I cannot keep out of my head visions of three pound babies. I just can’t. I cannot believe that come September, I could be faced with that for real. Yes, September. Because no way are triplets making it to November. (I’m theoretically due the first week of November, hah!)

Mostly, I’m in pain. Physical pain. I know some cramping is normal in pregnancy, and I imagine that cramping with three in there would be, oh, three times worse than a typical pregnancy. But this is really ridiculous. This is doubling-over-in-pain kind of cramping. This is me not being able to load the dishwasher because that would require bending over kind of pain (mighty convenient, that one). My hips, believe it or not, already feel like they are trying to spread out. Everything is all out of whack. Everything hurts. My migraines are unbelievably out of control now, and there’s nothing I can really take for them that will help. I had a serious anxiety attack yesterday because my husband’s car died and now we have to buy a new one sooner than I’d hoped and I don’t know how we’re going to pay for it, and the anxiety only made my head pound more, my abdomen cramp more, my back ache more. And you know the best part? You can’t take any anxiety medication when you’re pregnant. I very rarely have anxiety attacks. I was given Ativan years ago when I had a malfunctioning gallbladder and couldn’t sleep through the pain. I was pretty pissed off to be handed anxiety medicine for sleeplessness, but it turned out to really work. Now I’m pretty pissed off that I can’t take any Ativan now.

I don’t really need a scan tomorrow, but I’m going in for one anyway. I’m going to carefully explain to Margaret that if she even THINKS she sees four, she is not to say a single word about it to me. Maybe I should just wait until Tuesday when Dr. Amazing is back. Actually, it doesn’t matter, I’m seeing Dr. Amazing on Tuesday regardless of whether I go in for a scan tomorrow. I may as well get another scan just for fun anyway. If she sees four, I’ll die on the spot.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »