Archive for February 12th, 2008

I've been contemplating the fate of this blog of mine… whether it really belongs here or not, in more ways than one. First, there's the simple question of whether I should stick with Blogger or move to Typepad or WordPress. I loathe WordPress, but I like that you can password protect individual entries, so it's tempting, though I'm entirely too lazy to make it happen anytime soon. Typepad is even more tempting, though I'm not sure I'm willing to fork over the cash to blog, since, well, this is, in essence, a useless pastime of mine. Mostly, I think I should switch to TypePad, but I've been saying that for two years, so my guess is that I'll be sticking with Blogger for the moment.

But the more pressing question is whether this blog even belongs here at all, in its present form. I don't know what my place in the blogosphere is anymore, and I know in some ways, I don't fit in and I never have… I never entirely fit the mold of a good and proper infertility blogger… I had primary infertility, but I had a foster son, so I wasn't a childless primary infertile, so I wasn't going through your typical primary infertility experience. On the other hand, I wasn't exactly going through secondary infertility either, was I? Still, I found my place in the infertility blogosphere, one way or another. And then I became one of "those people"… one of those bloggers who wrote about "pregnancy after infertility" and then "pregnancy loss after infertility" and then "pregnancy with higher order multiples after pregnancy loss after infertility". And now I'm a Mother of Multiples (MoM for short). And like many MoM's, I am parenting my multiples after experiencing infertility, so my life isn't JUST about the experience of parenting multiples. My perspective will forever be tainted with the infertility glasses. Some women move past infertility, but I don't think I ever will. Particularly since, crazy as it sounds, I want more kids and I know I can't "just" decide to have more.

But where do I fit? I hesitate sometimes to comment on infertility blogs these days, because do you really want a MoM commenting on your blog? (I don't know, I mean, really? Do you?) But I feel just as out of place on just plain parenting blogs (unless they're about parenting after infertility or about triplets or whatever…there has to be some common bond).

In some ways the name "My Perky Ovaries" isn't right anymore, except in other ways, it's more right than ever.

So what do I do? Do I stay here? Do I change my blog name? Do I make it more of a parenting blog? Do I stick with the whole infertility thing? (Considering that I plan to return to the fertility clinic for another round of fertility hell no later than the end of this year or beginning of next year, my guess is I'm sticking with the infertility thing) Do I start a whole new all-inclusive blog? Do I keep this blog for the infertility musings and start a separate parenting blog? Is that too much work? Do my infertile friends mind reading about my kids? Do I just realize that on some level we all hope and pray that someday ALL of us stirrup queens are writing about our kids so we can't ALL sit around being bitter about the kids that result from all these treatments? I don't know, maybe we can.

I think moving or abandoning this blog would be a bit on the tragic and somewhat melodramatic side. I get about 5,000 pageloads per week… about 3500 unique visitors per week… visitors from about all over the world. These are facts and figures that astound me, and surprise me whenever I see them on my statcounter summary. But they are there, every week, confirmed all the time. So… what to do.

Maybe I should just retire from this whole blogging business all together. I haven't been much of a good blogger anyway. But I'd be sad to leave my blog. Too sad, I think. So I don't think you'll luck out and be rid of me just yet. But for tonight, that's all you're getting out of me. I'm just too tired to be eloquent, even though I have far too much to say about the blessings in my life. It's been a long couple of weeks, and all the exhaustion of the last couple of months is finally catching up to me.

Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.

Thanks for all your kind comments. I really wasn't trying to fish for compliments, but gosh, you all gave me lots of warm fuzzies. I don't think it's likely that I would actually stop blogging all together (Jess would KILL me!). I started my blog for me and only me, and if other people happen to read it, well, I find it amusing that anyone else would be interested in this dull life of mine, but I'm flattered. But I sometimes worry that I give a false impression of myself by passing this off as an infertility blog (what with the title and all), when I've got four kids (though, obviously, I fought hard for all of my children, including my foster son). But to discard the infertility label all together… well, that seems just as disingenuous. So anyway, here I will stay, and I'll post about… well, whatever. And you'll read it or you won't. And maybe I'll switch blogging services (most likely to Typepad), but I probably won't, because, you know, I've been threatening to move over to Typepad for, oh, two years now and I'm just too lazy and I don't want to have my archives scattered between two blogs and I'm too stupid to have a manual back up of my blog (which I really ought to do at some point, don't you think?). But the bottom line is, the Perky Household isn't likely to go anywhere, so you're stuck with me for the moment.

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