Many times when I start a post, I regret that I am not more eloquent. I wish that I had better words to express the thoughts in my head for a lot of selfish reasons…but mostly so that people will enjoy reading my blog. But today, I regret my total lack of eloquence for a far more desperate reason. You see, I read a lot of blogs, and I don’t always comment on them, and not everyone knows that I’m around, and I always think “I’ll get around to commenting someday.” And sometimes, “someday” is too late.
I’ve been reading Keira’s blog on and off for a few months now, but I’m pretty sure I never commented before this week. And now… it’s not too late, but mere words are just so inadequate to express my anguish over her loss of her little warrior princess, Sweet Zoe Rose.
If I were eloquent, I would say something meaningful and comforting and full of hope and life. But I am empty and sad and full of despair. I feel torn apart for this woman, for this family, who I have never met, who doesn’t know me, who probably doesn’t know I exist, and I feel like I am breaking into pieces. It’s not right of me, it’s not my loss and it’s selfish of me to be feeling like this, but all I can imagine is the pain I’d be feeling if I lost one of mine… this was one of my deepest, most biting fears when I found out I was pregnant with triplets. And while I know that loss can strike any parent… for some reason, the fear gripped me harder in the face of triplets than in the face of a singleton.
What I do know is that last night, I hugged each of my four children a little tighter before bed, and wiped an extra tear away before anyone could see. And I so fervently wish that I had the eloquence to adequately express to Keira how much I care for her, despite the fact that she has absolutely no idea who I am.
ChezPerky 