I’ve had a really hard time with this cycle, and Barren just “gets” it when a lot of other people just… don’t. I feel guilty about it, to be honest. I feel like I should have an easier time dealing with infertility by now. I’ve been there, done that. More importantly, I’m on the other side of it. I’ve got a beautiful family, as many people feel the need to remind me. Often. As if that means I should simply be satisfied and be done with.
And yet – I have not resolved my infertility. I have not come to terms with it. Every setback, every failure, every loss this time around hits me as hard, maybe harder, as the first go-around. I think this is partly because this time was supposed to be “easy”, or as easy as IVF ever is. And what we’ve found is that things just aren’t as straight-forward as we thought.
The point is, Barren gets me. She doesn’t try to placate me with “it only takes one”[1] and other such platitudes. She doesn’t tell me I’m being ridiculous. She doesn’t point to my children and suggest I should be satisfied with what I have. She recognizes that the pain I have the second time around is just as real as the first time around. She tells me to stop apologizing for complaining at her. She brings me wine so we can whine over wine together.
So I suppose it should have come as no surprise to me when a beautiful, flowery package arrived in my mailbox today, and I saw that it was from my wonderful friend. I opened it up and found this:
The note made me a little sniffly and teary eyed, and though I haven’t asked her permission to reproduce it here, I’m going to take a gamble and do so anyway:
Dearest Perky,
Thank you again for your friendship and generosity. I hope that someday soon I will have the chance to return the kindness with more than a bottle of wine and the ability to eat your delicious dinners.
I know you aren’t feeling hopeful about this cycle, but if a tiny bit of hope (or
curiosity) creeps in, I want you to be prepared.
Love,
Barren
I knew what would be inside the beautiful, dragonfly wrapping [2] paper, but I burst out laughing when I opened it up:
Thanks, my friend. Laughter truly is the best medicine. I don’t promise to use those lovely (but very tempting) tests. But I promise to pass them back to you if I don’t. Or maybe use them next cycle when I can muster up the hope to think it’s worth wasting a precious FRER.
Barren, you truly are the best person in the entire universe. So… dinner Thursday? 😉
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[1] Coming soon: a Barren-inspired post on the “It Only Takes One” math and how flawed it truly is.
[2]How did she know that dragonflies are one of my favorite things in the universe? I swear she and I are just the same person. Except she’s way cuter and always has an adorable pedicure, and I’ve never had a pedicure in my life.
ChezPerky 