Archive for March 2nd, 2010

Bionic Woman

So, I’m not quite the six million dollar man.  And I can’t say I have much in common with Lindsay Wagner (of the original “Bionic Woman“), but I’m beginning to feel like I ought to have a fancy name like that anyway.  I currently have a PICC line, two infusion pumps (one that runs through the PICC line and one that is run subcutaneously), IV Fluids and medications, and a home uterine contraction monitoring system that I have to strap myself to a minimum of two hours a day (it’s usually 4-5 hours per day).  Going to the bathroom is… an ordeal, to say the least.  It’s so easy to get tangled up in tubing and wires, and it’s frankly too complicated sometimes to figure out what has me attached to what.

So imagine my amusement today when I went to the OB’s office and got threatened with an insulin pump.  Because I didn’t have enough infusion pumps.  Oh well,  at least insulin pumps are small.

Here’s the thing, though:  how exactly does a woman who doesn’t eat end up with gestational diabetes?  HOW?  My blood sugar levels have been ridiculously high.  The first few days that I was checking my blood sugar 4x a day, they were a little high sometimes, but on average were basically okay, if borderline high.  But after the first few days, my levels kept creeping higher.  And higher.  And higher.  Yesterday I was at 181 at noon.  I’d had IV fluids running all day, yes, but that’s (at most) about 25 calories per hour.  That’s not enough to blow my sugar that high.  Terbutaline can raise blood sugar, but how much?  Steroids can raise blood sugar – but I haven’t had steroids in nearly a month, so that’s not what’s effecting it either.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter WHY or HOW my blood sugar is elevated.  What matters is that hyperglycemia isn’t good for moms and growing babies.  So whatever the cause, it has to get under control.

So my doctor has prescribed Glyburide, with the curious instruction to take one tablet every morning before breakfast.  Um, before WHAT?  Yeah.  I told him I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep it down regularly enough to matter (though now that I have them at home, I can see it’s a TEENY TINY pill, so at least it has that going for it).  So if I can’t keep the glyburide down (or it doesn’t work), I get to get an insulin pump. He also ordered labs to check my hemoglobin A1C level.

Of course, the OBs office does not coordinate an insulin pump – they’ll send me to an endocrinologist to handle that.  Because I don’t have enough doctors and specialists in my life.   Oh, and I get to start having weekly appointments with the OB (in addition to my appointments with the perinatologist).  Because I don’t have enough appointments in my life.

Someday I’m going to write my memoir and no one will buy it because they’ll say “this chick made up every word of this!  It’s too preposterous to be fact!”

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