Just in case you were thinking that just *maybe* 14dpo might *just* be a little too early still and there *might* just still be a miracle waiting… let’s just assume that 15 and 16dpo is quite definitive, shall we?
I’m still bringing J and Co. Snickerdoodles on Wednesday (beta day). It’s not their fault my body sucks, right?
Posted in 2ww, and this is where it started to go downhill, IVF#1 | 5 Comments »
Get it? Reading between the lines? Like, if I had two lines and you had to rea… oh forget it, they always say that it’s not funny if you have to explain the joke. Onward and upward…
ANYWHOZIT: The point, for those still reading (and I wouldn’t blame you if you’d stopped bothering after that lame-assed joke), is that I recognize that I’ve obscured the facts somewhat in the last few posts. So let me clear it up for those who have emailed me (though, to be fair, most of you HAD seemed to understand where I was going with it all)…
Yes, I have POAS’d. No, there were not two lines. Well, I mean, if you took TWO of the tests and put them together, you’d get two lines, but I doubt that’s what any of you meant. Yes, this was a direct violation of my doctor’s orders. But it’s not like it was going to change the end result. Wednesday’s beta will still be whatever Wednesday’s beta is going to be. Plus, SuperNurse said I could pee on anything I wanted, so long as I was going to be sane about it (e.g. not call her every five minutes with the latest test results freaking out).
I’m very uncomfortable, both because of the giant lumps on my, ahem, posterior, and because I am extraordinarily crampy. I have little question in my mind that if it weren’t for the blasted PIO, I’d be on CD-something right now based on how I’m feeling. Yes, I’ve tried a heating pad for both pains. No, it’s not helping. Thanks for the suggestion. The warm heating pad sure is snuggly, even if it doesn’t help. And the cats like it, too (bonus).
And now I get to hang out until Wednesday when I have my beta and can ask what my next steps are. I might call on Monday to schedule an appointment for a consult with SuperDoc, preemptively. I know it’ll take a while to get an appointment with him, so I may as well get it on the books. I could always cancel it if (hah!) today’s test results were somehow mistaken.
To answer Lori’s comments….
I know my clinic did not allow back-to-back cycles. Your body needs a little downtime after all that.
Different clinics have different protocols. And some are satisfied that the month on BCPs = sufficient downtime before starting over. That isn’t the same as going straight into another stim cycle, which is what back-to-back IVFs would actually be. A month of BCPs IS actually time off between cycles. I just don’t know if that’s sufficient for my clinic because in my efforts to be more “go-with-the-flow” than I naturally want to be, I just forgot to ask.
If your beta is negative do you have a consult before the next cycle? My clinic did. You should SO push for a cycle without Lupron.
They don’t require a consult between cycles – that’s really my call. I don’t currently have a consult scheduled, but I might schedule one. I haven’t really decided what to do. As for pushing for a cycle without Lupron… to be honest, I’m tired of pushing. I pushed and pushed through my first round of infertility treatment, and I’m really done with that. I have full faith and confidence in my doctor and his expertise. I don’t have the emotional energy or the mental capacity left to play back-seat-patient. Certainly, I will ask what he thinks of doing an antagonist protocol instead, but I will not push for it. If he has a reason he doesn’t think that’s the answer, I’m not going to rock the boat. The headaches from Lupron suck mightily. There’s NO question. I would love to be without them. But the fact of the matter is that if the protocol ultimately works and I get to hold a baby in my arms sometime in the next year or two… I won’t give two hoots about the headaches (though I reserve the right to complain about them here, while I’m going through the process).
Finally, I know it ain’t over ’til it’s over, and the fat lady hasn’t sung yet (wait, I *did* sing bedtime songs to my kids tonight…), but I know that the reality is that this isn’t going anywhere. Many of you have emailed me directly to express your sympathy for this (and boy, will *I* feel stupid if I end up with a positive beta on Wednesday! Hah!), and I do appreciate it. I’m okay, though. I’m sad about the lost time and the lost chance and the fact that only 2 opportunities remain without some seriously creative financing, but I’m really okay with giving this another go. I’m eager, in fact, to keep moving. And like I’ve said all along – the good news is I love SuperDoc, SuperNurse, M (sonographer extraordinaire), J (Marketing Supervisor Extraordinaire)*, and everyone at my clinic. So is it really so bad to have to spend some more time with them?
—————————-
*Er, not that J has anything to do with my treatment cycles or anything, because of course he does NOT. But at least I get to barge into his office now and again and drop random boxes of cookies on his desk and harass him. That part is fun for me. 🙂
Posted in 2ww, and this is where it started to go downhill, IVF#1 | 6 Comments »
I will now postulate that at 8dp6dt, aka 14dpo, it is now too late to say it’s too early to tell anything.
No news. I don’t expect this to change come beta time. Still don’t know what the plan is – whether I have to take off a month before rolling in to BCPs or whether the month of BCPs IS my month off. Different clinics have different policies, and I don’t know what my clinic’s policy is. I do remember back in 2007 when I had my original IVF consult with SuperDoc he had said that I wouldn’t be able to do back-to-back IVF cycles, but that could still be that he was referring to the BCP month in between.
I don’t love not having a plan.
Frankly, I don’t even know how we’re going to pay for another set of coinsurances/copays again right now anyway – we just had a major huge crisis in our house which will likely involve digging up our entire yard to fix a broken water pipe to the tune of several thousand dollars, so it may be out of my hands for a while regardless, but I’m hoping not. We’ll just have to see.
Anywhozit, we’ll just see what happens. Wish I could just stop taking the PIO, but I’d probably get yelled at by SuperNurse on behalf of SuperDoc if I did that before beta day. So stick it out (pun intended), I shall.
I do not like not knowing the plan.
Posted in 2ww, and this is where it started to go downhill | 2 Comments »
Absolutely nothing to report. Aren’t I interesting these days? I know, I’m a bundle of fun.
7dp6dt aka 13dpo.
Whahoo.
Beta Wednesday. I am not expecting good news.
Posted in 2ww | 5 Comments »
So I’m just saying, if I POAS’d, oh, I don’t know, say, today, what are the odds of it showing anything? Nada, right?
Yeah.
I mean, hypothetically speaking.
You know. IF I were to do so…
I’m just sayin’…
Not that I would EVER consider explicitly disregarding my doctor’s instructions not to POAS. Not me. No. Never. Nosirree. Uh uh.
Ahem.
Oh, and by the way, I absolutely saw the humor in both SuperNurse’s remark about the six embryos and even in SuperDoc’s remark about transferring eight. It doesn’t come across very well in writing, of course. But I had a big smirk on my face while writing about her smarty-pants remark to me. 😉
Posted in POAS | 8 Comments »
Finally heard back from SuperNurse. She didn’t realize I hadn’t gotten a call over the weekend (and apparently hadn’t gotten to my email from yesterday). So all is forgiven and she has been re-established in my book of people who are allowed to have snickerdoodles next week. Maybe. You’ll see why she may have fallen back out of status later.
Anywhozit, there was nothing to freeze. Everything tanked. Shocker. I know this is not an indication of whether George is resilient enough to have parked his little butt in place for the long haul, but it does give one pause, no?
.
.
Right. Well, I think that was enough of a pause. Anyway, it doesn’t mean a darned thing. My clinic has some pretty strict standards for freezing, and I’m cool with that. A lot of clinics would have frozen right then and there when they transferred George.
My nurse wasn’t worried that there was nothing to freeze, “because the six they transferred were real beauties, so I’m sure you’re going to have a positive beta next week.”
*blink*
Yeah, you read that right. SO not funny. She may *think* she’s funny, but she’s not.
I told her I was just proud of myself for not having peed on any sticks yet. “NO! DON’T PEE ON ANY STICKS!” she shouted through the phone!
“Oh for crying out loud, SuperNurse! I just told you I haven’t! And I don’t understand why you people get all ridiculous about not letting us pee on sticks – it’s not going to change the result. Either I’m going to be pregnant on the 18th when I come in for my beta or I’m not – it’s not like peeing on a stick will change that.”
“Yeah, but then you get a stick that tells you you’re pregnant, and then we have to tell you you’re not, and then…”
“Well that doesn’t change anything for me! I don’t get all weird about it! Hello? I’M totally rational, you know me!”
“Well then by all means! Pee on all the sticks you want! Go buy a box of popsicle sticks if you want! Whatever makes you happy!”
If it weren’t for that remark about the six transferred – she’d TOTALLY be on my cookie list right now.
Posted in 2ww, cryo report, POAS | 6 Comments »
No word from YOFC. If they’re not careful, I may revert to the pseudonym I used in my original blog, transparency be-damned.
11 dippos. Think it’s too early to POAS? Last time I got a 2nd line at 10dpos, but admittedly that was with at least 2 having implanted already, and possibly more. G-d willing, that is NOT the case this time.
Well, I don’t have any HPTs anyway. Not YET! but SOON! 🙂 Yeah! Of course, I could always run out and head over to CVS… I might even get the sassy cashier – the one who when seeing me buy a couple packages of sanitary napkins and a couple packages of twizzlers … both were on sale, so sue me, okay?… said, “Well, I see you’re prepared for any emergency, aren’t you!” But no. My internet cheapies should arrive tomorrow. I can hold out. Honest.
Maybe.
Posted in 2ww, The Waiting Game | 2 Comments »
Have now left a voicemail message and sent an email re: the little blastocysts that weren’t. Am 100% certain nothing was frozen because I would have gotten a call from the financial folks telling me to pay up. However, I would have liked to have had a phone call telling me either way. Still have heard nothing. This is extraordinarily unusual for my clinic – you all know how highly I think of them. But I am annoyed. And since I have nothing better to focus on right now, I will focus on this particular annoyance right now. Because I can.
Posted in 2ww, The Waiting Game | Leave a Comment »
…from SuperNurse.
If she’s not careful, her pseudonym may be changed again to “nurse-doesn’t-return-my-emails-anymore-so-see-if-I-ever-bring-YOU-triple-chocolate-brownies-ever-again-so-there!”
Look, it’s not like I actually think anything DID get frozen. It’s that, you know, they were MY little blastocysts. I’d like to KNOW if they just got thrown in a biohazard disposal unit. Is that so much to ask?
Posted in The Waiting Game | 1 Comment »
Anonymous asks, re: my post about PIO counteracting my Allegra…
Could you actually be allergic to the PIO?
I could be, sure. But it’s unlikely. I’m not displaying symptoms in a way that would suggest that. First, my allergies are at their worst when I’m in my house. Around my cats. Coincidence? I think not! Second, if I had an allergy to the PIO, it is unlikely that it would come across with symptoms similar to seasonal and cat allergies.
More likely, I’d be reacting to the sesame oil. But, though I don’t care for sesame a great deal, I’ve never had a reaction to sesame in anything. But if I were to have a reaction to the sesame, I’d probably have an on-site reaction at the injection-site first. It would be itchy, possibly red and swollen. If it were a terrribly bad reaction, I imagine I could even have a systemic, anaphylactic reaction. But – thank heavens, I am not allergic to sesame.
As for the progesterone … according to the all-mighty pharmacist in my household, the progesterone in the PIO is derived from potatoes. Or yams or something. I don’t know, I’d like to say I was hanging on his every word, but something about it’s easier to derive from a plant substance than to weasel it out of a human being or whatever. So, unlikely that I’m having an allergic reaction to that either, unless there was some kind of impurity in it from the manufacturing process, but that’s unlikely, and again – the symptoms I’m having are unlikely to be the result of this kind of allergy.
Now, there is some evidence of estrogen and progesterone allergies, but those are with naturally occurring estrogen and progesterone – and those “allergies” are linked with menstrual-cycle-related asthma and migraines. Neither of which I have (I do have migraines, but mine have no relationship to my menstrual cycle whatsoever).
Dr. Beer suggests that there is evidence of a progesterone allergy, stating: Some autoimmune women develop allergies to their own hormones, including progesterone. The antibody which they have produced can be detected by looking for progesterone antibodies in the blood or by doing a skin test that shows the allergy to progesterone. These antibodies further decrease the levels of progesterone in the blood. The cells responsible for this are the CD 19+5+ cells. By 10 weeks of pregnancy these cells are usually suppressed to normal numbers and the progesterone allergy is less of a problem.
But, again, there’s no suggestion that this should, say, make me sneeze.
Truthfully, it could just all be coincidental. But I think there *might* be a relationship. When I was pregnant, my Allegra all-out stopped working and I was miserable for months until *boom* it started working again. And I know that “they” say when you’re pregnant, allergies are often exacerbated. So I suspect that there is *some* correlation between the worsening of my allergy symptoms and the high levels of progesterone in my system right now. My guess is that the Allegra just isn’t able to counterbalance it right now.
That’s my theory anyway. And we all know my theory is worth exactly what you paid for it.
Posted in blithering, FAQ's | 1 Comment »
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ChezPerky 