One of the reasons that I moved this blog to TypePad was because some "real life" friends, who I had not explicitly given the URL to my blog (so I’m not referring to you, Julie or Diana, or any of you others that know that I explicitly gave you this URL), had found my blog over at My Perky Ovaries. Too many had found it, really. I had other things push me over the edge, but when I stopped feeling comfortable posting about my feelings about infertility, and knowing that I was getting closer to moving back to Ye Old Fertility Clinic, I knew it was time to pick up and move.
Some of my real life friends knew I was moving in part because I had been "found" and they felt badly about having found me, even though it was obviously through no fault of their own. I have a public blog, for a reason, and therefore, I can’t expect everyone to stay out, now can I? Even if I didn’t use my name, my likeness, or my childrens’ names, the fact that I’m an Orthodox Jew with triplets, an older child with a slightly-less-than-normal-legal-situation, etc. makes me pretty distinguishable to the people that know me in real life. So removing my names and pictures from my blog wouldn’t really help me, and I’m not interested in creating a whole new internet personality for the sake of anonymity, because I try to be ME as much as possible.
When one of my friends found my old blog, I told her specifically that the fact that she and others had found it was precisely the reason I was moving my blog. She asked with interest what the new name for my new blog would be and I very specifically did not tell her the new name of the blog. I clearly said that the things that I want the whole world to know, I post elsewhere, in a blog that she already reads.
I know that people I know in real life will find this blog. I’m not naive. I also know that the vast majority of them read this blog in silence, and I thank them for pretending to respect my privacy, though I recognize that the only way I will have true privacy is to password protect my blog, which I have my own reasons for not doing. They’re good reasons, which I don’t need to share at this time, but believe me, they’re good and valid.
But this friend, who I specifically told I was moving the blog so that real life people would not be reading my thoughts on infertility and the like… this friend apparently went looking for my blog again. And not only did she go looking for my blog, and not only did she find my blog and read my thoughts, she left footprints. She commented in my blog. Twice.
I recognize that I have no right to ask for privacy from the general public. But when I ask a friend explicitly to respect a boundary, I think that’s another thing all together. Find my blog? Sure. Read my blog? By all means, be a voyeur. But rub it in my face when I made it clear I didn’t want you here? That’s just tacky.
And now I feel compromised, even though I realize I have no right to expect privacy in the public world of blogging.
I will continue blogging, but I do know this: when I return to Ye Old Fertility Clinic in the fall, I won’t be blogging about it. Or if I do, I won’t be blogging about the specifics of dates of retrieval, transfer, test results, things like that. No one will know, from my blog anyway, what exactly is going on. Because I don’t even have the facade anymore of pretending that my friends won’t know the inner details of my pregnancy test results.
In my community, we don’t tell people we’re expecting until we are beyond the first three months or so, though I’ve been known to let a few people in on the joke. The first time I was pregnant, I told people in my community that I was pregnant when I got to three months, and a day later, I had a miscarriage. I’ve sworn I’ll never do that again. It’s one thing if people are reading and I don’t have it shoved in my face that they’re reading. It’s quite another if they are reminding me of it.
I never thought I would censor myself on my blog, and I’m sorry to do it. The reason I moved was so that I would stop censoring myself. Maybe I’ll get over myself and just write about it anyway, but right now? Right now I just feel… compromised.
ChezPerky 
I’m sorry. Having to make this choice sucks.
Ugh, I have to agree with you… the commenting is REALLY crossing the line. So sorry your safe space has been breached again. Maybe just password-protect the posts about the fertility clinic? Just brainstorming…
i’m really sorry about that 😦
this may be the wrong reaction, but i can’t help thinking exactly how much this person is truly a “friend”? and that makes me sad for you, too.
I am so sorry, this situation really sucks. I hope you find a way to talk without censoring yourself, it is a good outlet.
well that is just sucky of your “friend”! I hate that you must now censor your post. I know that I for one have gained much insight and many laughs reading your blog and since I have shared in these good times with your little ones I had hoped to travel your journey with you as you head back to the clinic.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this, and I completely understand. My original goal in blogging was to keep my real life and blogging world separate, however that has not worked out. I basically censor myself when I write, at least to a degree. Sometimes I change names around, or do whatever it takes if I feel that I “must” discuss something in a post.
For a so-called friend to do that to you is very cruel. There are reasons for doing what you did, and this person totally disrespected you.
I’m sorry you’ve lost your safe space. That sucks, and what makes it suck even more is that it is all because of a so-called friend. And, selfishly, I’m sorry you’ll be censoring yourself since I’ve learned so much from you.
I am sorry you have been compromised. Is there a feature in typepad so you can just password protect certain posts?
When you do go back to the clinic, if you need to vent or scream or whatever, I am more than willing to be an email recipient for your frustrations.
That’s terrible and I’m so sorry that your wishes couldn’t be respected.
well, this sucks. i am so sorry you are dealing with such a crappy situation.
Well this just sucks. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I say go password protected and take me with you! =) You should not have to sensor yourself on your own blog…but I totally understand why you will. I’m sorry that we will not be able to follow you step by step through your next TTC journey to cheer you along and provide support. I will look for cryptic messages in your posts and support you the best I can. Damn “friend” of yours.
Oh wow that sucks. I hope you are able to find a way to blog about it so that we can cheer you on and be supportive as you near important dates. Totally understandable though.
Well, yes, it is just plain tacky of her! And I am so sorry that you have to sensor yourself – I was looking forward to cheer you on.
When I read my daughter’s secret blog I never comment… (actually, although I know how to find it, I respect her privacy and don’t read it).
You’re right. It’s really tacky.
That’s just wrong. I can understand how you would feel completely compromised, and I’m sorry that you won’t be able to write about the things that you may need to because people were rude.
That is really frustrating. Some people are just so nosey. It is really too bad that you can’t be yourself and share what you are going through. I’m sorry your friend has ruined your blog for you and your readers.
Wow what a shitty friend. I agree with some of the other commenters maybe password protect certain posts?
I too worry about being anonymous on my blog but you know what? I figure if someone finds it maybe they will learn a thing or two about tact as I will not censor myself. If they read about themselves then maybe they should have not ticked me off in the first place. I have a very hard time telling people what I think so if this is how the get it then so be it. This is our place right?
It can be hard to have to make that decision but in the end, your blog is probably better because you don’t need to censor what you’re putting up. You have to censor your whole life from this person or that person and everyone deserves one place to vent and share without judgement from those they know best.
I’m sorry someone violated your trust in this way. I hope that you find the balance you need blogwise – the outlet you need and the right amount of anonymity to make it work.
And yeah, as Rachel said, the commenting is just tacky.
I’m sorry that you are forced into a decision like this. It is one of the reasons that I hesitated for so long before blogging, and now is something I think about before writing. It would be a shame to have to censor your own blog, and selfishly I would miss reading about what’s going on with you.
Ugh. That’s…well…sucky. I’m sorry that you have been put in this place. You have been such a good source of information, alternative views and “wowIamnotheonlyoneoutthereIfeelsomuchbetterrightnow” for me that I am quite sad. BUT, I can respect and entirely understand your feelings about having to censor yourself. I hope that you are able to feel comfortable in your blog…even with her lurking.
st wonder is she reading now?????? if so surely she will get the hint…. I don’t know you at all and live a million miles away but get it…..
leonie
I am sorry! I love reading your posts, and that would totally suck if you had to sensor them…but I think we would all understand! What ever you decide, I wish you the best.
PS ya you on breastfeeding triplets, you are an inspiration!
Yer going back to the fertility clinic and having more babies hopefully? I’m so far behind! On the friend though, I don’t know, it’s a tough one, cuz I feel like I’d feel how you do – I didn’t tell you for a reason and I want to be a part of this community to freely speak how I do so respect that. It’s good she cares, but there’s a fine line between caring and snooping. It’s a whole weird line when our blogs are public and we need to acknowledge it can be found, but stay quiet about it so it’s not…
well that just sucks! i hope you don’t end up censoring yourself, b/c like many others have said, i love reading your musings, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I agree password protect the entries about infertility. I hope you will since I think your infertility posts were one of the best I’ve read about cycling. Also, I think your going to want to post about it – it’s therapeutic for you.