Some time ago Bea, previously of Infertile Fantasies fame, wrote eloquently of wanting "credit for time served." That is, we (infertiles, you know) spent so much time preparing for parenthood… we worked at it for so long, and yet when we finally get there, our friends who started on that journey after we did, yet reached the goal long ahead of us somehow manage to treat US like the "newbies" when we finally reach pregnancy and, finally, parenthood. Finally we’re part of that exclusive club, and treated like we don’t know anything about what it’s like to be a parent though we’ve spent the last year, two years, five years working to get there and yet, we get no "credit for time served," do we?
I admit Bea wrote far more eloquently on this topic, but that’s not my point. My point is that Bea writing about this reminded me of a story. My own desire for credit for time served.
One day, when the triplets were, maybe four or five months old, Seth was out of town, I had recently returned to working full time, and I was dropping J off at school. On my way back out of the school, I ran into an acquaintance of mine. We’ll call her… "Sheila". Sheila has two children, ages 6 and 4. Her husband is one of the most laid-back, sweet guys I’ve ever met, but I admit, Sheila rubs me the wrong way nearly every time I encounter her, so I don’t want to bias you or anything, but hey, it’s MY blog, so I’ll cry if I want to.
Right. Where was I?
Sheila walked in as I was walking out of the school and asked how I was doing.
"Okay," I said, "A little tired."
"Oh well," she shrugged, "Welcome to Motherhood!"
I’m sorry, WHAT? Did she seriously just tell me to suck it up? Because that’s what it sounded like to me. Now I recognize that all mothers are tired. And I recognize that I’m not special or anythi- oh wait, I am special, but that’s another story.
Now, really, she might have been doing this motherhood thing for a while, but, um, first of all when was the last time that Sheila spent the night up with not one, not two, but THREE babies? Second of all, "welcome to motherhood?" WHAT? Like this was something new to me? What about the last four years that I’ve been a mother to J? Do I get no credit for that? And nevermind Bea’s point, the credit for time served. How about the five years I spent working to get to this point of motherhood? It’s not like I was just dropped in at this point with no warning, no forethought, no experience, planning, research, consideration.
Do I get no credit whatsoever? None?
And seriously? Every single time I’ve seen Sheila since she’s made some patronizing remark about my parenting, and I’m really geting tired of it. Hello? I have four kids. FOUR. And three of them are under a year old. And I’ve been parenting almost as long as her and actively working to become a parent for as long as I’ve known her. Credit for time served, indeed.
ChezPerky 
uggg…so I have that to look forward to? Right now, any time I say anything negative about being pregnant, people tell me that I asked for this or I wanted it. Yes, I know I wanted this, more than anything else in the world, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t bitch when even my flip flops and crocs don’t fit!
oops…sorry to steal your post. I can just imagine how I’ll feel when those other comments start rolling in
gotta love that i am better than you attitude. what a pain in the a$*.
In general, the people who really have the most wisdom to offer, keep their mouths closed until asked.
I still get comments about “how hard it must be with 2 little kids” when people see me with 2 of the younger ones. Mostly I nod and say, “uh huh”… I think Hillel (THE Hillel) had it right when he said, “Do not judge your fellow until you have stood in his (or in this case HER) place.”
jeepers.
Welcome to motherhood?!
Hello, triplets?!
that means THREE! That means that if each one gets up just once in the night, eats, and goes back to sleep, you’ve had almost no sleep. It’s kinda… an exponential thing.
besides which, you’ve certainly been a mother since the day J came to live with you.
Sounds like my neighborhood frienemy who had a singleton in May. She spent all of April telling me how huge she was (my trips were born in March) and then all of May and June complaining her pants didn’t fit and remarking how small my babies are in comparison to hers. Is it any wonder I stopped speaking to her in July? People can be so clueless, patronizing, insensitive and rude.
that would piss me off, too. people can be such idiots sometimes.
Sending you boat loads of credit!
The “Welcome to motherhood” comment is so annoying to me… Now for you, that’s not even the truth of the situation!
People!
I have a real life friend who has a 15 month old and she calls me all the time with questions about what to feed him, what kind of medicine to give him when he has a fever, what kind of stroller she should get etc. My answer to her is always “How the hell would I know, I don’t have a kid.” And her reply back is always that she knows how much I know and knows how much I read and she values my input. Me, an infertile with out kids. It makes me feel like my time served is being somewhat recognized.
I’ve been waiting for this post! And on a single-parent week, how appropriate! Hope you survived ok.
Bea