Archive for May 18th, 2009

Yee Haw!

It’s 1:59pm.  Do you know what that means?  Yep, that’s right; it means I have a raging headache.    I emailed my nurse last week to let her know that I’d started Lupron again and that I had the headaches to prove it.  “Don’t forget the headaches are not my fault,” she wrote back.  Not to worry, I take the headaches as a good sign.  Maybe this time my estrogen levels are not through the roof.  Maybe?   Hopefully? 


Am I just allowing my hopes to get up too high again?  Will the fall from hope be as devastating as before?


I just did an interview about my experience with infertility and with Ye Olde Fertility Clinic and I was asked about the rollercoaster of emotions that I had to go through to get to success the first time around – that emotional rollercoaster was huge.  Failure after failure after failure then pregnancy, but miscarriage, another failure, and a pregnancy that I couldn’t be happy about for a long time because I just had no reason to believe it wasn’t doomed to failure. 


You’d think that rollercoaster would have prepared me for the ups and downs of this experience the second time around – but…  there’s really no comparison.  I guess the first time around I really had no reason to believe it would work, but this time… I never had reason to think the big guns would fail, but I’ve found three different ways to fail so far.  Will I find a fourth?


I never wanted to be this creative.


But the headaches.  They’re a good sign, right?  And I’ll be using a lot more Follistim this cycle.  You know, if I get that far.  And… it’s different this time.  Right?  Third time’s a charm and all that?

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