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Archive for the ‘2ww’ Category

Get it? Reading between the lines? Like, if I had two lines and you had to rea… oh forget it, they always say that it’s not funny if you have to explain the joke. Onward and upward…

ANYWHOZIT: The point, for those still reading (and I wouldn’t blame you if you’d stopped bothering after that lame-assed joke), is that I recognize that I’ve obscured the facts somewhat in the last few posts. So let me clear it up for those who have emailed me (though, to be fair, most of you HAD seemed to understand where I was going with it all)…

Yes, I have POAS’d. No, there were not two lines. Well, I mean, if you took TWO of the tests and put them together, you’d get two lines, but I doubt that’s what any of you meant. Yes, this was a direct violation of my doctor’s orders. But it’s not like it was going to change the end result. Wednesday’s beta will still be whatever Wednesday’s beta is going to be. Plus, SuperNurse said I could pee on anything I wanted, so long as I was going to be sane about it (e.g. not call her every five minutes with the latest test results freaking out).

I’m very uncomfortable, both because of the giant lumps on my, ahem, posterior, and because I am extraordinarily crampy. I have little question in my mind that if it weren’t for the blasted PIO, I’d be on CD-something right now based on how I’m feeling. Yes, I’ve tried a heating pad for both pains. No, it’s not helping. Thanks for the suggestion. The warm heating pad sure is snuggly, even if it doesn’t help. And the cats like it, too (bonus).

And now I get to hang out until Wednesday when I have my beta and can ask what my next steps are. I might call on Monday to schedule an appointment for a consult with SuperDoc, preemptively. I know it’ll take a while to get an appointment with him, so I may as well get it on the books. I could always cancel it if (hah!) today’s test results were somehow mistaken.

To answer Lori’s comments….

I know my clinic did not allow back-to-back cycles. Your body needs a little downtime after all that.

Different clinics have different protocols. And some are satisfied that the month on BCPs = sufficient downtime before starting over. That isn’t the same as going straight into another stim cycle, which is what back-to-back IVFs would actually be. A month of BCPs IS actually time off between cycles. I just don’t know if that’s sufficient for my clinic because in my efforts to be more “go-with-the-flow” than I naturally want to be, I just forgot to ask.

If your beta is negative do you have a consult before the next cycle? My clinic did. You should SO push for a cycle without Lupron.

They don’t require a consult between cycles – that’s really my call. I don’t currently have a consult scheduled, but I might schedule one. I haven’t really decided what to do. As for pushing for a cycle without Lupron… to be honest, I’m tired of pushing. I pushed and pushed through my first round of infertility treatment, and I’m really done with that. I have full faith and confidence in my doctor and his expertise. I don’t have the emotional energy or the mental capacity left to play back-seat-patient. Certainly, I will ask what he thinks of doing an antagonist protocol instead, but I will not push for it. If he has a reason he doesn’t think that’s the answer, I’m not going to rock the boat. The headaches from Lupron suck mightily. There’s NO question. I would love to be without them. But the fact of the matter is that if the protocol ultimately works and I get to hold a baby in my arms sometime in the next year or two… I won’t give two hoots about the headaches (though I reserve the right to complain about them here, while I’m going through the process).

Finally, I know it ain’t over ’til it’s over, and the fat lady hasn’t sung yet (wait, I *did* sing bedtime songs to my kids tonight…), but I know that the reality is that this isn’t going anywhere. Many of you have emailed me directly to express your sympathy for this (and boy, will *I* feel stupid if I end up with a positive beta on Wednesday! Hah!), and I do appreciate it. I’m okay, though. I’m sad about the lost time and the lost chance and the fact that only 2 opportunities remain without some seriously creative financing, but I’m really okay with giving this another go. I’m eager, in fact, to keep moving. And like I’ve said all along – the good news is I love SuperDoc, SuperNurse, M (sonographer extraordinaire), J (Marketing Supervisor Extraordinaire)*, and everyone at my clinic. So is it really so bad to have to spend some more time with them?

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*Er, not that J has anything to do with my treatment cycles or anything, because of course he does NOT. But at least I get to barge into his office now and again and drop random boxes of cookies on his desk and harass him. That part is fun for me. 🙂

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I will now postulate that at 8dp6dt, aka 14dpo, it is now too late to say it’s too early to tell anything.

No news. I don’t expect this to change come beta time. Still don’t know what the plan is – whether I have to take off a month before rolling in to BCPs or whether the month of BCPs IS my month off. Different clinics have different policies, and I don’t know what my clinic’s policy is. I do remember back in 2007 when I had my original IVF consult with SuperDoc he had said that I wouldn’t be able to do back-to-back IVF cycles, but that could still be that he was referring to the BCP month in between.

I don’t love not having a plan.

Frankly, I don’t even know how we’re going to pay for another set of coinsurances/copays again right now anyway – we just had a major huge crisis in our house which will likely involve digging up our entire yard to fix a broken water pipe to the tune of several thousand dollars, so it may be out of my hands for a while regardless, but I’m hoping not. We’ll just have to see.

Anywhozit, we’ll just see what happens. Wish I could just stop taking the PIO, but I’d probably get yelled at by SuperNurse on behalf of SuperDoc if I did that before beta day. So stick it out (pun intended), I shall.

I do not like not knowing the plan.

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No News

Absolutely nothing to report. Aren’t I interesting these days? I know, I’m a bundle of fun.

7dp6dt aka 13dpo.

Whahoo.

Beta Wednesday. I am not expecting good news.

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Finally heard back from SuperNurse. She didn’t realize I hadn’t gotten a call over the weekend (and apparently hadn’t gotten to my email from yesterday). So all is forgiven and she has been re-established in my book of people who are allowed to have snickerdoodles next week. Maybe. You’ll see why she may have fallen back out of status later.

Anywhozit, there was nothing to freeze. Everything tanked. Shocker. I know this is not an indication of whether George is resilient enough to have parked his little butt in place for the long haul, but it does give one pause, no?

.
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Right. Well, I think that was enough of a pause. Anyway, it doesn’t mean a darned thing. My clinic has some pretty strict standards for freezing, and I’m cool with that. A lot of clinics would have frozen right then and there when they transferred George.

My nurse wasn’t worried that there was nothing to freeze, “because the six they transferred were real beauties, so I’m sure you’re going to have a positive beta next week.”

*blink*

Yeah, you read that right. SO not funny. She may *think* she’s funny, but she’s not.

I told her I was just proud of myself for not having peed on any sticks yet. “NO! DON’T PEE ON ANY STICKS!” she shouted through the phone!
“Oh for crying out loud, SuperNurse! I just told you I haven’t! And I don’t understand why you people get all ridiculous about not letting us pee on sticks – it’s not going to change the result. Either I’m going to be pregnant on the 18th when I come in for my beta or I’m not – it’s not like peeing on a stick will change that.”
“Yeah, but then you get a stick that tells you you’re pregnant, and then we have to tell you you’re not, and then…”
“Well that doesn’t change anything for me! I don’t get all weird about it! Hello? I’M totally rational, you know me!”
“Well then by all means! Pee on all the sticks you want! Go buy a box of popsicle sticks if you want! Whatever makes you happy!”

If it weren’t for that remark about the six transferred – she’d TOTALLY be on my cookie list right now.

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5dp6dt aka 11dpo

No word from YOFC. If they’re not careful, I may revert to the pseudonym I used in my original blog, transparency be-damned.

11 dippos. Think it’s too early to POAS? Last time I got a 2nd line at 10dpos, but admittedly that was with at least 2 having implanted already, and possibly more. G-d willing, that is NOT the case this time.

Well, I don’t have any HPTs anyway. Not YET! but SOON! 🙂 Yeah! Of course, I could always run out and head over to CVS… I might even get the sassy cashier – the one who when seeing me buy a couple packages of sanitary napkins and a couple packages of twizzlers … both were on sale, so sue me, okay?… said, “Well, I see you’re prepared for any emergency, aren’t you!” But no. My internet cheapies should arrive tomorrow. I can hold out. Honest.

Maybe.

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Now I'm annoyed

Have now left a voicemail message and sent an email re: the little blastocysts that weren’t. Am 100% certain nothing was frozen because I would have gotten a call from the financial folks telling me to pay up. However, I would have liked to have had a phone call telling me either way. Still have heard nothing. This is extraordinarily unusual for my clinic – you all know how highly I think of them. But I am annoyed. And since I have nothing better to focus on right now, I will focus on this particular annoyance right now. Because I can.

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I found an excuse to bug my nurse for the cryo report. For the sake of shalom bayis I must know the disposition of those struggling little blastocysts! Honest! For those of you who don’t want to click on the link, shalom bayis is literally “peace in the home” – it is the concept of peace and harmony in the household and good relations between husband and wife. In this case, I realized that if there was anything to freeze (again, I think not), then I’m likely to get nailed with ~$1500 bill for freezing and storage (it’s a little less, but just go with me, okay? And actually, it it was just one, it’s significantly less). A girl’s gotta prepare her husband for a bill like that, right?

So, for the sake of domestic tranquility, I emailed SuperNurse and said, you know, I hate to be nosy and all, but does she know the disposition of my struggling little life forms? And really, she wouldn’t want our marriage to be in jeopardy, right? It’s for the sake of our marriage! Plus, after all, enquiring minds want to know! This is front page news! Sort of.

Okay, not remotely, but I’m sure all of you are clamoring to know. Right? RIGHT?

Ahem. All righty then. So it’s just ME that wants to know. Yet another way for me to pass the time. The endless, boring time stretched before me. Another eight, looooooooong days before my beta. With nothing to do but sit here and whine, complain, bitch, blither to you about the mundanity of life when there is absolutely nothing interesting going on in my life. Absolutely nothing worth blogging about.

Nothing to see here, move along. Move along.

Oh! Hey! If there was *nothing* to freeze, maybe I can convince the man that since he just saved $1500 buckeroos, he should take me out to dinner next week to celebrate! Or, um, to console me in my um, sadness. That’s right. Because I’ll be all sad that we won’t have anything to save and therefore won’t have to pay out of pocket for freezing, storage and FETs that the insurance won’t cover… Yeah. Sad. That’s right.

(ooh! And Score! I totally bought a pile of HPTs. They should arrive on my doorstep tomorrow or the next day! They aren’t my beloved FRER’s, but I’m a girl on a budget now. And this should support my habit for at least a little while, right? Just, um, don’t tell my husband, okay? Oh for crying out loud, honey, they cost LESS THAN A DOLLAR EACH! And, no, I did not buy 300 of them. Just 297… KIDDING!)

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