ChezPerky

The steroids aren’t helping the hyperemesis so much – but they are doing other things.  I had crippling sciatic pain  before I started the steroids and that barely flickers anymore.  The inflammation around my PICC site is hugely improved.  My overall itchiness is nearly gone.  And I have extra energy I didn’t really expect to have (it’s still not enough – but it’s better than nothing!).

The steroids aren’t without their disadvantages – the reflux is nearly intolerable, but today I managed to keep some Zantac and Prevacid down, so hopefully tomorrow that will be better.  The thrush sucks and I’d like it to be gone now, but it’s tolerable.  Today was better than yesterday.  Yesterday I was seriously contemplating calling my doctor on Christmas to beg them to find a 24 hour pharmacy that could fill a script to FIX IT.   If you know me at all, you know that I would normally never consider interrupting a doctor’s holiday for something not life-threatening.  But … honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to pick up a script regardless – I had all four kids and my husband was working.  No way was I taking everyone out to pick up a prescription.

I admit, the wave of energy (well, it’s a trickle – but still more than I’ve had) has been helpful.  I’ve been able to get a fair bit of cooking done, so I have some things in the freezer for the days when I just can’t bring myself to cook for the family.  I’ve spent some good time with my kids.  I’ve gotten somewhat caught up at work.

I love being pregnant in so many ways.  This baby is squirming around a lot and I find it so incredible to know that I’m growing a whole human inside me.  The miracle of this pregnancy is not lost on me and I *do* appreciate it.  I love that the triplets point at my belly and say “Babies!” (though I wish they’d stick to the singular!).  I love that J keeps saying “I hope it’s a brother!  … or a sister!”  (mostly he asks for a brother, but acknowledges that a sister would be good, too).  I love that I have this baby growing.  I cherish my growing “bump” (that is ridiculously huge considering that I still have months and months to go!).  I joke that I am *never* doing this crap again on purpose, since it turns out that it’s pregnancy, not just triplet-pregnancy, that doesn’t agree with me  – but the truth is?  I’d gladly go through this all over again to have another baby if we decided that was right for our family.  But there is also, oddly, some comfort in being this sick – I know that I will be comfortable deciding that our family is complete – knowing how hard we struggled to get there.  I used to wonder if I would ever be comfortable with that notion, but now I know I can.

I feel dreadful, but nearly everyone tells me I look great.  And you know?  I feel great knowing that there’s this toy surprise at the end of all this.

I’m not really sure what my point is, but I guess, mostly, I wanted to make sure that I capture at some point the fact that pregnancy isn’t ALL misery.  Even through the throwing up, I am overjoyed to be privileged enough to carry this baby.  Even through my irrational fears and requisite infertile DBTs, I can’t wait to meet this little person – the next (probably final) addition to our family.  I am humbled to know that I have been entrusted with another little life, and to know that my successes and failures in parenting are in my control.  I know that I am not a perfect parent, but I will always strive to be the best that I can be on a given day.  Some days, of course, are better than others.

I still don’t have an OB, but I have an appointment with a new practice on Tuesday and a perinatology appointment on Wednesday.  One way or another, this obstetrician dealio is going to be resolved this week, and it feels good to assert that.  Anyway, I still have the yurt as a back up plan.

(but hey, baby?  Can you stop kicking my bladder and my cervix?  That’s not nearly as much fun as the rest of this pregnancy.  Seriously!)