Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for February, 2009

While I do try to keep this particular blog focused specifically on issues of infertility, IVF, cycling, etc. I also recognize that I confuse my readers by posting things without a lot of explanation sometimes. Not all my readers are Jewish, so I get a lot of questions (usually via email) regarding the Jewish terms and customs I allude to. Since my last FAQ sparked two Jewishly-related questions, I’ll post them here, though I’m pretty tired and foggy, so no guarantees on my coherence…

Q: what exactly is shabbos prep? while i lived in a neighborhood with large orthodox jewish population for several years and am familiar with some of the practices, there are a lot of things with which i’m unfamiliar.
So… on Shabbos (the Sabbath), there are lots of things we don’t do. It is a complete day of rest, in which normal weekday activity is suspended. No cooking, no affecting electricity (in other words, I don’t turn on lights, but neither do I turn them off – so it’s not like I’m sitting in the dark all day), no driving, no sewing, computer, no phone, no um, winnowing, no, well, lots of other stuff. So, while I don’t love to describe Shabbos as a series of negatives, go with me here on the set up, okay?

You can imagine that with all of the things that I can’t do, in order to have a day completely set apart from the rest of the week – a day focused completely on my family, my faith, and my community – I have to make sure that my house and my meals are completely ready before the sun sets. I should also point out that the Sabbath is a day of celebration, every week. It is a Holy Day – and it is special. Our houses should be clean, we use our finest china, our nicest table cloths, we cook our nicest meals, we have guests or we are guests at other peoples’ homes (right, because we get so many invitations out these days…but I digress). Anyway, all the cooking for three meals (Friday night dinner, Saturday lunch, and a lighter “third meal” Saturday late afternoon/early evening, depending on the time of year) has to be done ahead of time. Children, if you have any, should theoretically be clean (hah), and changed into Shabbos-clothes (good luck with that) before sundown. At the very least, a tablecloth should be put on the table before you light candles at sundown, but preferably, the table should be fully set (this is brilliant if, like me, you have cats … again, good luck with that. And if you’ve got a toddler in the house? I highly recommend against setting the table before you absolutely must).

So, um, those are the basics. There’s cooking. And cleaning. Oh, and making sure all the lights, etc. in the house are where you want them to be, since you can’t change them once Shabbos starts. It’s always a whirlwind at the end here. It’ll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow when I can’t be lifting my kids, running around, standing in the kitchen, or any of that stuff… But, it’s not like I’ve never been on bed rest before.

Q: I agree that Jewish law regarding embryos is complex, but I’m confused by your saying there isn’t a lot of choice involved because of the complexity and don’t understand what you are indicating.

I’m actually not going to get too deep into this, because everyone’s rabbi poskens differently on this. My rabbi (who has a specialty in this area of halacha) has one very straightforward opinion on the one and only thing that may be done with leftover embryos that are not going to be used for a future pregnancy. I have other friends (both in “real” life and “inside the computer”) whose rabbis rule the exact opposite of my rabbi – but that doesn’t mean that my rabbi or their rabbis are wrong. They simply interpret and apply the halacha (law) differently. Some Jewish legal scholars do not allow embryo donation/adoption under any circumstances. Some allow it only if you can guarantee that the embryo will be donated to a Jewish couple. Some allow it under any circumstances. Some rabbis allow embryos to be donated to research – but others require that the embryos be destroyed and discarded. The reasons behind each individual rabbi’s decisions are, honestly, beyond my understanding. While I spend a great deal of time working to understand the logic and the details behind my treatment protocols and my medical care – when it comes to the halachic details – truthfully, I simply ask for my rabbi’s guidance and leave it at that. So I won’t speak for his answers, I will simply say that I haven’t been left with a lot of choices in terms of the disposition of any leftover embryos once our family building is complete.

But, I’ll point out, I haven’t made any firm commitments on when our family building will be complete.

Anything I missed?

Read Full Post »

I know, I know, ever since my recent media appearances, it’s been hard to escape my adoring fans, the ruthless paparazzi, the constant phone calls, the text messages, the overflowing mailbox, the neverending emails… It’s a hard life, but someone has to live it, right? At least I can say that stardom has most definitely NOT gone to my head.

So you, my adoring fans, have questions. And, it turns out, I have a couple of answers. . .

Q: What time will your transfer be tomorrow?
Well, I’m glad you asked. Because I just got a call from my nurse answering that very question! I’m scheduled for 11:15 tomorrow morning. Be there at 10:45 with a “moderately” full bladder and instructions not to use the bathroom upon arriving at the office. Now, I find this incredibly hilarious. Have you ever tried to exactly provide a “moderately” full bladder? Yeah, it doesn’t happen. Either you end up with an empty bladder, or you’re sitting in the waiting room absolutely DYING and eventually a nurse says, “Okay, you can pee, but only THIS much.” And really, have you ever tried to pee just, say 30ccs with a completely overflowing bladder?? Yeah, it doesn’t actually work that way. So good luck with that. (I will say that the serious advantage of having had HOMs is that I never had to have bladder-filled ultrasounds in my pregnancy… that would have been sheer misery)

Q: But what about Shabbos preparations? How will you manage?
Fortunately, I’m not the only super-hero in my household. My husband, darling man that he is (see? I can say that now that I’m not on Lupron!), can totally handle Shabbos prep all on his own. That, and I’m going to cook as much as I can tonight so that it doesn’t ALL fall on him.

Q: How long will you be on bed rest?
My clinic, apparently, is “East Coast Conservative” on this issue. There have been several studies done on the benefits of no bed rest after transfer vs. 24 hours vs. 48 vs. 72 etc. So there’s some benefit to bed rest, but 72 hours seems to (maybe) be overkill. So we’re a 24-hour clinic. Look at me, referring to the clinic staff as “we”. Yeah, I’m there so much I feel like I work there. I assure you, I don’t. Though for all the free press I give them, I ought to be on the payroll.

Q: If you have 3 good embryos and they implant 1 and you freeze the other two and the first embryo takes and results in a successful pregnancy what do you do with the other two embryos?
Well, first I’m going to nitpick here a little – Doctors can’t implant embryos. They can only transfer embryos into the uterus and hope that it implants into the uterine wall. Implantation = pregnancy (though no guarantee of ongoing pregnancy). If doctors could implant embryos (and who knows? Maybe someday they will be able to!), they would always implant a single embryo in all IVF cycles – because it would be a 100% initial pregnancy rate. The media, for WHATEVER reason has never been able to keep these terms straight. For crying out loud, the frickin’ New York Times can’t even get the term right. If they can’t, who can we expect to get the term right? The problem with getting the term wrong is that it causes the general public to have a skewed view of the reality of fertility treatment. It makes the general public believe that IVF is more of a sure thing than it is. While IVF success rates have skyrocketed in the last several years, it is still not a guarantee. And when the general public perceives that every cycle is a guarantee that each embryo transferred equals a guaranteed baby, they think that women who come out of fertility treatment with multiple babies had it coming. And frankly? That’s unfair. So I’m on a mission to blot out the misuse of the term implant.

But I digress, because I didn’t actually get to the heart of your question, did I? You want to know what I’ll do with any leftover embryos should I have any frozen and should I get pregnant on my first go-round.

Well, I imagine the author of this article would have you believe that having any frozen embryos from this cycle would be an irresponsible consequence and rather poor planning on my part. And, further that the only morally acceptable choice for any remaining embryos that we have would be to enter into an embryo adoption program. But… that author probably never went through IVF himself. I daresay he actually never spoke with an actual IVF patient. And, further, probably never actually spoke with a reproductive endocrinologist or fertility science researcher. No, I’d guess that he never read beyond the abstracts of the studies he cited or the party lines of the political think tanks he references. Instead, he proudly waves the banner of prochoice moralism and dismisses any opinion other than his own, woefully uneducated one.

Right. Off soapbox now (but for a brilliantly written soapbox on this very article – I highly recommend Akeeyu’s post!)

Clearly, I didn’t have the luxury of telling my doctor to make sure to only create one embryo and make sure there were no others that survived. (I mean, that very well may still happen – but if it does, that’s Darwinism in action, not anything pre-planned). I certainly wasn’t going to tell him only to fertilize one egg and hope THAT one was the one that lived. (Don’t worry, I don’t think you, my reader, were suggesting that I should have done so. I’m just still so pissed off at that article… which, by the way, I read over a MONTH ago and my blood is still boiling). So, sure, I ran the risk that I would make more embryos than I needed for my planned single embryo transfer.

But, then again, we also knew that I wasn’t *quite* the ideal candidate for eSET… and so we knew that I wasn’t looking at the standard 67% odds on an eSET cycle that my clinic has. I was looking at 40-45% odds going in, which SuperDoc revised to…oh, 30% about halfway through my cycle. So clearly, having some back ups? Good thing. (again, still don’t know that I’ll have any back ups…)

So what if I get 3 blasts by tomorrow? We transfer one, freeze 2. And then, let’s say, I get a BFP? (Hah! I can’t say that with a straight face yet. But for the sake of argument…) What then?

Well, we’ll start with the knowledge that I’ve already had one late miscarriage, so a BFP for me does not necessarily equal an ongoing pregnancy. So I’m not holding my breath, first of all. But… if I do get and stay pregnant and deliver my (healthy? Please God) singleton baby (9? Please?) months later… what then?

Well, I’m not promising our family is complete with one more baby. Maybe it is. But I don’t know yet. We know that right now, we want at least one more baby. And that probably is it for us. But not because we want to be done, but because of the financial hardship of having more after that point… we’re already stretched financially, so one more? Sure. But two more? Probably more than we can handle. But option one is we hang out for a while until we are certain our family is complete. And that IS the current plan.

After that, our choices are between my husband and myself, and those decisions are up to us for the moment. We do have a plan, and they are documented in our consent forms with Ye Olde Fertility Clinic (though they’ll have to be revisited at the end of a specified period of time). But it’s our plan, and ours alone. (I will say that Jewish law is pretty complex in this area, so there isn’t a lot of choice involved, but regardless, our plan is docume
nted)

Sorry for the long answer to a seemingly simple question.

Q: What happens to those embryos that don’t make it to freezing or transfer but are still considered viable?
This question came from an anonymous commenter. I’m not entirely certain that I understand this question. Honestly, if by Day 6 the embryos haven’t made it to a stage suitable to freeze, they aren’t really all that viable any more. I’ll check with Ye Olde Fertility Clinic, but I assume any non-suitable embryos are discarded in a respectful manner.

Q: All this fine-tuning seems sensible and makes me wonder how the Hatchery does those batches when obviously tailoring to individual response is needed.
This is from the same anonymous commenter. Yes, YOFC has been doing very sensible fine-tuning, which is fantastic considering that YOFC is an enormous clinic. Other clinics in the area accuse my clinic (without naming names, of course) of being a “revolving door of doctors” and tout themselves as being able to individualize care in a way that the “bigger clinics cannot”. I’m here to tell you – YOFC individualizes every patient’s care and treatment plan. They don’t just have one set protocol and squeeze each patient into it. They have been extraordinarily flexible with my protocol, recognizing that the fine tuning is where the success will come from.

As for The Hatchery – they do batch their patients for the start of their cycles (every two weeks), but they almost have to do so because they have one doctor and one doctor only. This gives him the ability to have one retrieval weekend and one transfer weekend per month on average according to his nurse. But he, too, has built in flexibility. And because he sees fewer patients, he’s able to individualize care plans very easily as well. For example – though they have never done an elective Single Embryo Transfer, and he wasn’t totally comfortable with the idea of having his hands tied on that issue (me saying that under no circumstances would I allow him to transfer two), he was willing to work with me on that. He never takes his patients to blast and always transfers on Day 3. Why? Because when he was doing blastocyst transfers, he found that he had a much higher pregnancy rate, but no more babies. His ongoing pregnancy rate didn’t change with blastocyst transfer. He couldn’t figure out why, either. However what he did say was that with me and me alone he was thinking that to do an eSET, what he’d probably do would be to take me to blastocyst before transferring. So he was definitely flexible in terms of the protocol and the timing, etc.

Obviously, with the batching, there is occasionally some overlap of patients, but it is kept to a minimum for him this way.

Any other questions??

Read Full Post »

Day 6

No transfer today. Moving to a Day 6 transfer (tomorrow).

I, personally, think this is really all rather rude. I was waffling this morning about moving my afternoon meetings. If I moved them, for sure I was going to end up rescheduled, right? If I didn’t move them, I was going to end up with transfer staying on today’s schedule and having to cancel my meetings at the last minute. So, at 6:45, I rearranged my calendar, just in case.

And then, on my way in to work, my nurse called.

“Hi Perky One…”
“Oh this can’t be good.”
“We’re moving you to tomorrow.”
“Oh for the love of Pete.” (I admit I may have been, um, slightly less delicate than that)

Turns out, things are actually growing for a change (maybe we’ll even have something to freeze? Did I just say that?), but they’re growing slowly and unevenly and nothing’s made it to blast yet.

So… we’ll see what goes down tomorrow…

Read Full Post »

I kinda left you all hanging about the embryology report didn’t I?

While I was at Ye Olde Fertility Clinic today, I ran into SuperDoc and he told me we are likely a go for tomorrow for transfer, but no promises. It will probably be a last minute call, but for the moment I’ll assume we’re a go for 1:15 tomorrow afternoon.

There’s at least one little embryo who could. Possibly another. Whether they’ll be blasts by tomorrow remains to be seen.

Read Full Post »

So you all know I’ve been doing these interviews for Ye Olde Fertility Clinic. It’s awfully nervewracking, because it’s SO not me. I put on this big act of being all open and extroverted about this stuff, but truthfully? I never talk about this stuff, ever. Well, that’s not true. I do talk about it – but I don’t talk about it publicly while I’m in the middle of a cycle. I go through a treatment cycle under a shroud of secrecy whenever possible.

And yet, three times now, I have sat in front of a television camera with a reporter in front of me and declared to the greater metropolitan area that I am pursuing fertility treatment right now. And why? Well, because Ye Olde Fertility Clinic asked me to, that’s why. And because putting a face and a voice to infertility is important. It’s all together too easy for society to pretend like infertility is “someone else’s problem” and that it’s one of those things we don’t need to talk about. Or worse, one of those things we should be ashamed to talk about.

In some ways, I’m not the poster child for fertility treatment. I was the aberration – the nightmare outcome – the now-mother to HOMs. But I’m also the survival story, and the mother who came back for more, despite knowing the pain, suffering, and inconvenience of it all. And the mother seeking to do this in a the way most likely to result in the best outcome – a healthy singleton pregnancy – by doing elective Single Embryo Transfers.

Infertility and its treatment is a multi-billion dollar industry, that’s for sure – but when it comes down to it, the industry is in the business of making life. Babies. Building families. Sure, there’s a payout in the end, but they earn it. I’ve been to the other side of infertility and I know it’s worth every bit of the toll the process takes and every penny I (and my insurance company) spent. And I also know that there is no way that I can ever repay the kindness that Ye Olde Fertility Clinic has offered me in helping me to build my family. So when YOFC asked me to do these interviews, of course my answer was yes. (With the condition that the mobile gets hung in Room 1 ASAP – oh you thought I’d forgotten about that, didn’t you? No sirree! I have the memory of… um, whatever it is that has a really good memory – I forget)

I know that I’m a giant pain in the ass. I know that I give my doctors a lot of crap. Do you think I don’t know that they probably could live without hearing about the damn missing mobile in Room 1? Do you think I don’t know that they have far more important things on their plates than dealing with me? Of course I know that. But hey, at least I bring them cookies! (Did I mention I brought cookies today?) The fact that they put up with me despite my… ah… we’ll call them idiosyncracies (what can I say? It’s all part of my charm!)… is what makes me love them so much. There is a reason that I refer people to them time and again (aside from their stellar statistics, their cutting edge medicine, and their convenient locations – that’s all secondary to the fact that they are, simply, good people).

But absolutely none of that is why I’m telling you that I have complete faith that my clinic is way cooler than yours. Do you know why I’m telling you that my clinic is so cool? I’ll tell you why!
Because today I went and interviewed with News Station #3, which meant I had the pleasure of meeting once again with J, Marketing Supervisor Extraordinaire*, which is always great. As I said, I brought cookies. Anywhozit, I got to meet with him and meet a lot more of the behind-the-scenes crew at Ye Olde Fertility Clinic, which is always all kinds of fun. I got to see my nurse (and she got a little more camera time, also, which is always fun for her!). The story isn’t airing until March, but I’ll let you peeps know when it airs. I know, I know, my adoring fans *need* to know, right? Of course right.

Afterward, I came home, a little sad knowing that this was my last interview – not because I’m so keen on putting myself all out there and all (honestly, it really IS tiresome to talk quite so publicly about this rather private subject all the time), but because I realized that I pretty much have no excuse to see J (Marketing Supervisor Extraordinaire) anymore or send him random eccentric emails (well, that’s not quite true… that mobile hasn’t been hung yet. He can’t get rid of me until it’s hung!! bwah hah hah!)

And what should appear at my front door a few hours later?

A beautiful Edible Arrangement from J and the Marketing Team at YOFC:

Now, be honest, have any of you ever received such a cool present from your clinic? I can’t hear you! That’s right. I didn’t think so. So just think about that the next time you’re thinking about where to go for treatment, why don’t you. 🙂

*Note the name change – I previously referred to him as “marketing guy” but (God help me) for some reason I was crazy enough to let him know my blog URL and apparently he actually read it (ohmygosh) and felt a little slighted. Seriously, I mean, if my nurse gets to be “NurseAwesome” and my doctor gets to be SuperDoc and my sonographer gets to be M, Sonographer Extraordinaire… but he’s “marketing guy”… well, he had a point when he pointed out that it sounded kinda cold and creepy. Which he is not. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He suggested TalentAgent, but unless he’s going to get me a suh-weet deal with one of the stations where I get to market myself as a “childcare expert” on account of my large(ish) family, I’m not *quite* convinced that he can market himself as a Talent Agent just yet. Though, he did manage to get me my first three television appearances. Oh wait, that’s not true, in high school, I appeared on tv bunches of times… Hrm. I think I need an agent…

Read Full Post »

How do you feel NORMAL?

It was an important question. An innocent question, actually. Posed by a friend of mine over Shabbos dinner last week. It was my fault, really. I had told him that in any given IVF cycle, a woman could be on 10-12 (or more) different medications.

Just as an example, here’s what I took/take:
Doxycycline
Baby Aspirin
Birth Control Pills
Lupron
Follistim
Luveris
HCG Injection
Zithromax
Estrace
Prenatal Vitamin
Metformin
Progesterone in Oil Injections

Now, I didn’t list out my medications for him, but just at the sound of 10-12 (or more) medications, he was shocked. Visibly shaken. How do you feel NORMAL?

He immediately tried to retract the question, sensing, perhaps, that he may have stepped over a line into territory that was too sensitive. But, honestly? It was an honest question. It was an important question. And it deserved an honest answer.

The truth is, you don’t feel normal. Nothing about this process is normal. And nothing subsequent to this process is normal. A friend of mine who has four children, including a set of 3 year old IVF twin girls is still so completely traumatized by her IVF experience that she can barely remember any of it – she has so completely blocked it out of her mind. She herself is a physician, and so had a deep understanding of the clinical aspects of the process, and yet she has retained nothing of her one IVF cycle because being forced through this emotionally draining experience was too much for her to process. And, in fact, it was the sheer number of medications that pushed her over the edge of sanity with the whole experience. To her, it was taking someone who was, on the surface, a completely healthy human being (save slightly elevated cholesterol in her case), who took no medications in her life and suddenly handing them this enormous box of medication that would become their life for the next month. That aspect alone was so life-changing for her that it seems that she will never be the same, and possibly will never be over the bitterness of the experience.

I, for one, am fascinated by this, as I’ve always been a person who has to take a handful of pills before I go to bed at night, so the boxes full of medication don’t bother me a bit. That being said, there’s nothing normal about giving yourself injections three times a day. There’s nothing normal about any of this, of course. There’s nothing normal about going in for ultrasounds every three days, or every other day, or in some cases (like mine) every day by the end. There’s nothing normal about all the bruises we end up with all over our bodies. On our arms from the blood draws. In our hands from the IVs from the egg retrieval anesthesia. In our stomachs from the subcutaneous injections. In our buttocks from the PIO injections. There’s nothing normal about any of this, is there? How could we possibly feel normal?

Nevermind any of that, he said, if you’re taking all of those medications, sooner or later the side effects have to add up! That’s for darned sure. The debilitating headaches. The hotflashes. The exhaustion. The snippiness. The crankiness. The nausea. The headaches. The weight gain. The weight loss. The headaches. The weepiness. The mood swings. The headaches (have I mentioned how much I hate lupron?). You’re right, my friend, we don’t feel normal. We feel like shit.

And yet, we are expected to lead our normal lives. We are expected to lead our normal lives without letting on to the world that there is anything at all out of the ordinary going on in this very private aspect of our lives. We are expected to sit quietly hoping and praying for a miracle. We go to work each day. We come home each night. We shower, we get dressed, we socialize (if we can). If we already have children, we still have to tend to them, run their carpools, help them with their homework, take care of their appointments, get them to soccer. We are expected to sit at baby showers and smile as if they don’t bother us. We are expected to ooh and aaah at other people’s pregnancy bumps. We are expected to be normal, functioning members of society with all of these hormones injected into us – side effects and all.

Yet, we cannot lead our normal lives. This week alone, I’ve had to cancel three meetings and two lunch dates. Last week I had to keep three people on call for Shabbos to have things arranged so that I had adequate child care and halachically appropriate arrangements for me to go to the clinic should I have to go for retrieval on Shabbos (I did have to go on Shabbos). Things change at the drop of a hat. I had only 48 hours notice to make my arrangements for retrieval on shabbos – a complex set of arrangements to make – and that included moving my entire work schedule around on Friday so that I could go into the office in order to sign all my consent forms ahead of time, since I wouldn’t be able to sign anything on Saturday. This week, I was supposed to have Transfer on Thursday. Then Tuesday. Then Thursday. But maybe Friday. Who knows!

We can’t schedule vacations. Heck, I can’t even schedule lunch with my friend L who wants to take me out for my birthday which was last week.

So, no, my friend, we don’t, and can’t, feel normal. But I thank you for your very honest, and very important, question.

Read Full Post »

PIO: It Does So Sucketh

PIO injections? Not nearly as horrible as I expected them to be. They don’t hurt as much as I thought they would. They go in relatively easily. We haven’t hit an artery yet (er, does that happen often?). Basically, we’re all good.

Or, um, I thought so.

I mean, there’s the mood changes. PIO, is systemic, you see, unlike Prometrium or Crinone, etc. So the mood changes. And the exhaustion. And all that good stuff. I can live with that. I’m moody and exhausted anyway (Shut UP!).

(and the estrace? Did I mention estrogen makes me cry at the drop of a hat? yeah…)

Anyway, back to the PIO. It’s going well. It’s all good. Not hurting. Life is good. I even gave myself my own PIO injection last night without any difficulty. Not bad. No real pain. Life is good.

Except now, every single injection site (not that there’s so many now) is all lumpy and owie. And, in the face of this morning’s news, I have decided to be annoyed about this development. Bah. How am I going to deal with 18 days of this (more if I’m pregnant, but who’s counting on that?)

Edit: Yes, I know all about crinone, etc. I was even in a study for crinone once. But, my clinic uses PIO exclusively for IVF patients for at least the first 18 days after retrieval, except when there is an allergy to sesame. And, frankly, it’s not that bothersome to me to do the PIO shots – it’s just that this morning I had a lump in my patootie and I needed something to focus on and whine about other than that damn embryology report. I’m so sick of embryology reports. (though, I am, of course, on pins and needles awaiting tomorrow’s report…I never claimed to be consistent)

Read Full Post »

Yes, people, I know it only takes one. I get that. But the cliche isn’t helping me right now. I have a right to wallow for a few hours in my less-than-stellar news, and that’s precisely what I’m going to do now, because today’s news was even less promising than yesterday’s news.

Let’s Review:

Going into Retrieval: We were expecting 4-6 eggs (not stellar news, but at least we were expecting not stellar news)

Retrieval Day: 10 eggs retrieved! (Double what we expected! A great number, all things considered)

Day 1 Fert. Report: Of the 10 eggs retrieved, 9 were mature (1 post mature) and all 9 fertilized and were 2 celled embryos (unbelievably good news! I was stunned and overjoyed by this news!)

Day 2 Embryology Report: 1 didn’t make it at all, 6 2-celled embryos still (1 with no change; not a good sign), 2 6-celled embryos (with 10-15% fragmentation, not good). Not a good enough report to warrant a 5 day transfer. Transfer scheduled for day 3 at 2pm. Disappointing news at best as with Single Embryo Transfers, they always try to go to blast in order to find the cream of the crop when possible.

Day 3 … (Today):

I’m on my way in to work and the weather is crappy, my head is pounding, my tushie is sore from the PIO shots, I’m cranky. You get it, right?

I’m walking out of my parking garage on my way into my office juggling my keys, my briefcase, a couple shopping bags (I bought candy to re-fill the candy jar I keep for people to snack on in my office), and my phone rings. I’m fumbling for it, but I have to pull off my glove (did I mention it’s snowing?) to get it open and turn it on; I almost miss the call. It’s my nurse at Ye Olde Fertility Clinic.

“Hi Perky One*, it’s NurseAwesome*. SuperDoc wants to talk to you.”
“Yeah? All right,” I sighed.
“You okay??”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” I said, knowing that this just wasn’t going to bode well.
“Okay, hang on, here he is.”

Why the man couldn’t have just dialed the phone himself is beyond me. Because that introduction is exactly what gave me the anxiety I had, you know. But whatever. I do love him, and I know he has my best interests at heart. And for all I know it was NurseAwesome that wanted to make the call to me so that she could guage how I was doing, since she knows how pissy I’ve been all cycle. (Update: It turns out that SuperDoc did call me directly himself – but he called me at home and left a message at 8:45. Of course, I wasn’t home – I was on my way to work. NurseAmazing knows better, and she knows me well enough to know that I probably wouldn’t have been okay with just hearing a voicemail on my home number … which I may or may not have checked before I went in for my appointment this afternoon, by the way … so she probably said, “Yeah, no, we’re going to call her cell phone now.” That’s why I love her.)

So he said he took a look at the embryos with the embryologist this morning and what I’ve got is a 7-cell, a 6-cell, a 5-cell, and 2 four cells. If I were any other patient, with their normal criteria, he’d be recommending a two-embryo transfer today (day 3), but he does NOT recommend that with my history. With HOMs at home, and with my pregnancy history (e.g. not good) and with my need to ensure I do not get pregnant with twins (unless, you know, they’re monozygotic, in which case, we just had no way of controlling that risk), he is wholly opposed to a 2-embryo transfer. Which is good, because I am also opposed to it. My exact words were “absolutely not.” And he responded, “We are on the exact same page, don’t worry, I’m not recommending it – I would caution against it.”

My embryos look pretty crappy. They do not meet the criteria to go to a 5 day blast, but given the choice between picking a crappy single embryo for transfer today as planned or trying to grow one to blast by Thursday or Friday, he thinks our chances are better if we wait. He believes we are likely to have one at the blast stage if we wait.

So what happens if we don’t have any blasts by Thurs/Fri? We transfer whatever the best we’ve got is. And what if there’s nothing? We scrap the whole thing and start over. After all, we were all set to cancel this cycle last week before we got to retrieval, remember? It’s really no different, except that now we’ve been through a lot more hell than if we’d canceled ahead of time. But at least now we’ve got more information, right? What I don’t know is whether this would count as a full IVF cycle for insurance purposes if we don’t make it to transfer. My guess? Once you get to retrieval, it counts. That being said, my doctor is confident that we’ll have something to transfer either Thursday afternoon or Friday morning, it’s just a question of quality.

And so it goes.

*Note, she did actually use our real names… she doesn’t refer to herself as “NurseAwesome” though she’d be perfectly justified in doing so.

Read Full Post »

Oh so we've reached THAT stage have we?

Every morning when I go into the nursery, Abby has managed to unzipper her PJs *just* a little more…  Today they were a completely off.  I live in fear of the day she figures out she can also take off her diaper and smear poo all over the wall.  I believe there is a roll of duct tape in my future.

Respecting John M-Who?

J-man in the car this morning:  "Abba, if Bionicles were alive, they wouldn't respect John McCain."
S is pretty sure J was having auditory hallucinations.

Not funny, but heart-melting:

Ellie says "Mama" now, and means it.  I touch her nose and say "Ellie" and she touches my nose and says "Mama!"  It's so cute.  :)  If I'm in the kitchen and she's in the highchair, she turns to look at me and calls "Mama!"  Hooray!  (this reminds me I still haven't written a post about the speech therapy consult or subsequen therapy plan)

Attachment

Every day when I walk in the house, Sam looks up, drops what he's doing and runs over "aaahh!!!" he screams and immediately begs to be picked up.  Then he snuggles in tight for a hug.  But don't try to snuggle too long – he's got important things to play with!

Read Full Post »

Today’s news isn’t as great as yesterday’s news.

To review, yesterday we had 9 two-celled embryos from our nine mature eggs retrieved, which was fantastic news. I was overjoyed, shocked, and amazed.

Today:

1 didn’t make it at all.
6 are still 2 celled embryos (1 has had no change and therefore will not make it to tomorrow)
2 are 6 celled embryos, but they are breaking down (fragmented) and are unlikely to make it.

Transfer tomorrow at 2pm, unless I hear otherwise. Not looking great for having anything to freeze by Thursday (they bring everything to blast for freezing at my clinic, as they find they have a much higher FET success rate that way).

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »