I feel really nauseated this morning. Every time I turn, I think I might throw up. My husband said, “Maybe you’re pregnant…” He’s smart enough to duck after he says such a thing. We’ve been married long enough and been through this infertility gig long enough for him not to be stupid about it at least…
A friend of mine is pregnant with spontaneous twins. She’s a fertile myrtle. These will be her fourth and fifth children, complete surprises. I’m having trouble keeping the green eyed monster out of me. She was horrible to me when I told her about my HOM pregnancy. She laughed and laughed and refused to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. She said after it was all over – “See, they’re healthy, what were you ever worried about?” and refused to ever acknowledge that the fact that I almost lost them several times along the way could have any impact on my feelings about the matter. She refuses to accept the fact that a twin pregnancy for her could mean anything different than her normal completely uneventful singleton pregnancies, and I hope she’s right, but she may not be. In her case, she’s probably right though, which makes it even harder for me to keep that green eyed monster at bay. I’m trying to simply be happy for her, and I’m failing. I think the scars of infertility have left me simply jaded and bitter toward certain people, even though this happens to actually be one of the nicest people on the planet in all other matters (and she helped me TREMENDOUSLY throughout my pregnancy/bedrest/and early days of having the babies in the NICU with caring for my older son and bringing meals, etc).
I am seeing my old doctor at Ye Olde Fertility Clinic this afternoon. I am nervous, though I have no reason to be. Either I’ll like what they say and I’ll switch clinics, or I won’t like what they say, and I’ll move forward with The Hatchery. That is, after all, why I’m on BCPs with the plan to start an IVF cycle Jan 24th at The Hatchery just in case. One way or the other, it will work out.
ChezPerky 